~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]Imperator_Pyra 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Not too late. I'm 33 and, in a sense, started again this year. Some guys started even later.
I suggest you read "Getting Laid In NYC" by Paul Janka - I always recommend it as a starting point, since it's short, sweet and pretty much covers all of the basics. In your case, you actually ARE in NYC, so it applies even more than it normally does.
So, read it, and then hit the streets and practice.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you good now?
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Much better than I was, that's for sure. Regularly seeing two girls at the moment.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Well, not sure if I'd call it "common knowledge", but it is a starting point, after all. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it, though, if I thought that flirting is hard.
And I'm not gonna lie, you saying that flirting and connecting with women is "bad" makes you sound like a bit of a psychopath, my friend.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Your explanation didn't really change or explain anything, my man.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]WikiTextBot 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Flirting
Flirting or coquetry is a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, or if done playfully, for amusement.
In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicit sexual advances in public, or in private to someone not romantically acquainted, but indirect or suggestive advances may at times be considered acceptable.Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest in the given setting. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres (where one meaning is more formally appropriate, and another more suggestive) may be used.
[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Nah, man, YOU don't like to flirt, and that's part of your problem, I'd say.
You can try to make it seem "normal" and tell yourself that everyone is like that, but how does that help you? It only helps you to convince yourself that "I'm alright the way I am and I don't need to change anything". But then your results with women won't change either.
Also, just the fact that we practice cold approach pickup puts us outside of the norm, so forget what's "normal" and what the average chode does. Unless you also want to get laid as much as the average chode, which is what, three women on average per lifetime? Tough odds, man.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not sure what's not to like about talking to women, let alone flirting with them.
And yes, I know what you'll say, "men don't flirt for fun as much as women". That just means that men don't usually flirt with someone if they don't have any romantic or sexual interest in that person, NOT that men dislike flirting altogether.
Look up "How To Flirt With Girls" by Tom Torero, it contains specific examples of, well, how to flirt with girls.
[–]Pockyaf 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just read that pdf.
Paul brags about banging just 100 at 30yo. He proudly says that he avg 20 a year in nyc lmao
[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Not too late you're in your in your prime.
There is no one perfect book or guide to game. Look up the recommended reading linked somewhere on the reddit sidebar. I recommend reading several books at minimum so you get an idea of the different types of game and find a style that suits you.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I agree. This is more of an art than a science. Which is why I don't think I can learn.
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know it might look hard for you and your STEM background, but that doesn’t mean you can try to challenge your mind into a world of uncertainty: when it comes to social psychology you need to take many unpredictable variables into account and deal with them. It’s not art, they are a different set of thoughts.
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It's a science in that you can break it down into a lot of individual tasks and work on them. Fitness, posture, clothes, grooming, meditation, affirmations, eye contact, banter and conversation, etc.
You don't practice being sociable and charming only on attractive women you practice every day with everyone you meet. Next thing you know you're bantering with a hot babe because you were bantering with someone else a second before and she's suddenly in front of you and it's like stepping from one moving sidewalk to another.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Examples from my life:
To a guy helping his elderly friend get in a car: "Hey cool Hawaiian shirt, you on vacation?"
To a barrista: "Is this your busy time?"
To a waitress after she recited the specials. "Thanks! You just read them off that sign didn't you."
I never thought I was all that shy or reclusive. But I have to admit it took me almost 2 years of studying game and practicing being a better conversationalist with my family and friends before I got to the point where I could be fearless and fun talking to strangers and attractive women.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven't been to the UK in a few years, since before I learned game. But I know tons of Brits and I can't imagine any of them shriveling up, panicking or losing their shit if someone randomly bantered with them.
Is it really because in the UK there is a taboo or fear of talking to strangers in case you violate a class barrier? Like if a toff said "Cool shirt" to someone who turned out to be not so posh, would the response be "Fuck you Jack" ?
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Saying that men's SMV is the highest in their 30's isn't really advice, it's more of a statement of fact. And it has nothing to do with having a good job.
And you can't argue with "get a hobby and take a shower", come on now.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
What exactly are you arguing? That if your SMV is so low that you're essentially undatable, then the fact that men's SMV is, in general, the highest in their 30's, automatically becomes invalid?
And... If something's "normie advice" (whatever that means) then it's wrong and you won't take care of your hygiene to spite normies? Bruh.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Obviously you won't get a girl just because you shower regularly. Doesn't make it bad advice.
"Just be yourself" is at the same time the best and the worst piece of advice out there. It's the worst, because it's usually given with no other explanation, and, well, what the fuck does that even mean? Is it implying that you're trying to be someone else all the time? What kind of unhelpful bullshit is this?
But it's also the best piece of advice if we take it as "be yourself TO THE MAX". Be shameless about who you are, about what your passions are, even if they're not exactly popular things, or if you listen to music that's not widely accepted socially, for example... and don't filter yourself when you speak, don't silence yourself because you think "eh, they probably won't care about what I have to say anyway". Do the things you want to do, but you're afraid for some reason - just do them anyway. Be the person you're supposed to be.
But there is no ONE piece of advice that is enough to follow to get good with girls, especially since we're all different and start with different problems to overcome. There are no magic bullets. No one thing will magically get you a girlfriend. That doesn't mean it's all bad advice, even if some of it seems very basic.
And yes, I do believe that we get more attractive as we turn 30. I have never had as much success with women as I have now that I'm over 30. But, again - that doesn't mean that, if you are unattractive for a number of reasons, that you can just stay as you are, not improve in any way, and magically become more attractive JUST because you got a year older.
And I'm not sure what you mean about the way you have to talk to women, that you mentioned in the other comment thread. Just yesterday, when we were exchanging comments here, I was on the train. Lost connection to the internet, so I put my phone down and opened my mouth to speak with the cute girl in my compartment: "is that a book you're reading?" - durr. We talked about everything, including THE WEATHER, with me talking like a stereotypical boomer, going "back in my days winters were REAL winters". I was accusing her of being a nerd and a psychopath mass murderer. When we were getting to our destination, I said: "I'm only here for the weekend, but... You're pretty, I'm pretty, what do you say we go out for drinks tomorrow, just stare at each other and see what happens?"... And we exchanged numbers. Yeah, you have to flirt with the girl a little, but otherwise you can say whatever, it seems. Just remove your filters and believe that what you have to say is good enough - by the virtue that it's YOU who's saying it alone.
So you're saying that you have no passions, no personality, no looks, and no interest in connecting with other people?
Okay then.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the long and thoughtful response, I really appreciate it. When did you start?
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I'm going on online dates and have been striking out a ton. This year I've had 20 or so first dates with attractive women and I slept with only one of them. I don't want to cold approach because that would probably be a waste of my time. But I don't know if I can improve because I've been doing online dating on and off for awhile and have not improved that much.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I've been in therapy for many years and have had a difficult life on a personal level. It's helped me immensely and I'd be in a much much worse place if I didn't have it. But I stopped therapy a year ago because of the cost and I don't think it can help me more than it already has.
So this goes back to what I was saying regarding uncertainty as to whether or not I can improve from where I'm at now because - 1. Have been doing online dating for years, 2. Been in therapy for years and although it helped A LOT as I previously stated, it's expensive and I feel like I've plateaued for quite some time now.
Do you think getting a dating/pickup coach would be helpful here? It obviously has to be the right one, but I don't know what I can do other than what I'm already doing to get better.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't really have any friends.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Imperator_Pyra 4 points5 points6 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]WikiTextBot 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Pockyaf 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Imperator_Pyra 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link