I guess I'm depressed. Feel shit most of the time. I exercise 3 times a week (martial arts), I've started reading again and trying to go out and make friends and be generally social again (I lost nearly all my friends when I left college last year because I thought it was causing the depression) and these things help a little. I don't show my weak side to other people but I cry often in private.

I had a FWB thing going with a girl for a few months, we had a small argument and I deleted her phone number because I knew I would get needy and scare her off otherwise (I've done so in the past with others.. you guys know what it's like). She never contacted me so I figured it was over. I understood that I had to move on but still woke up thinking about her and feeling terrible. Went out a couple of times, chatted with girls etc but nothing went anywhere. Made a few friends. I noticed that I was thinking about her less just by being around other girls. This is good.

I had a particularly crap weekend (went out with new friends, was meant to be going to a party but for multiple reasons ended up coming home early and sober). My ex-FWB ran into my dad at a festival and texted me saying so. I respond "who's this?" because I don't have her number, even though I have a bad feeling I know who it is. We chat a little and I say "how're you?" She says she's brilliant and tells me about some stuff she's been doing. Asks me how I am. I haven't responded yet. I know that telling a girl "actually I'm pretty depressed, fed up with my life in general and nothing I do seems to make it any better, also I keep waking up thinking about you and crying!" is fucking dumb and needy as fuck, but I don't think I can pull off pretending to be fine when I'm not.

This post isn't just asking about that response though. I don't know how to treat the whole depression thing in relation to girls. Everything I know just tells me it's unattractive and lame. I obviously want to get better. Feel happiness again. Not be stuck in my head constantly thinking about how shit everything is. Girls are a part of this but I'm not so stupid that I think getting a girl will fix everything. If it matters I'm 17. Just need some advice.