Doubts about "Abundance mentality"

recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-04T03:16:33+00:00

1

It´s become sort of a textbook rule in anything related to seduction/sex/relationships that it´s very important to have an "abundance mentality" as a way to avoid needy behavior /oneitis. It sounds pretty reasonable.....

I guess it's probably important that we establish exactly what you seem to think "abundance mentality" really means.

I ask this because a lot of people have come to the erroneous conclusion that it means you are dating multiple women.

Which is kind of close, but inaccurate and missing a very important piece.

2

but at the same time there are particular circumstances like age, location, time constraints, etc where it seems delusional to think that any sort of "abundance" is possible. If you´re never been particularly good with women, it´s not so easy to face rejection or feel attraction to someone and be all jaded like "it doesn´t matter, i could date/fuck 10 other women easily" .

Yeah, you seem to be subscribing to a false definition of "abundance mentality."

It's not about being able to "fuck 10 other women easily." It's about having options, or knowing you could get options, but it's also about being perfectly fine and comfortable WALKING away from those options and being okay going solo.

Too many guys get caught up in needing those spinning plates, that they become desperate in a different way, feening like drug addicts.

3

To me it seems more like wishful thinking.....

A lot of people here don't know what they're doing and are trying to fake it until they make it. So they read about a concept like "abundance mentality," and think that it's about the result (having abundance) and completely miss how you arrive at that result (mindset and a lifestyle).

You don't just "get abundance" by deciding you need to have multiple women at once. You're hitting on that fact, for sure. Truth.

Here's one way you might build it:

Reduce social desperation: have your own social life going on that's not dependent on new people you date, and that's independent of any one person. You do this by finding some sort of social groups or events that meet regularly and feature men and women coming together to socialize, with a regular core group of people, and a rotating cast of new people that regularly coming in and out of the group/event. (Not sure what I'm talking about, I can elaborate if you want.)
Build up social comfort: It helps build your social skills when you're attending regular events where you have some regular comfort zone people you can hang with, and new people there to practice socializing with, who are actually there at the group or event because they're open to meeting new people.
Don't sacrifice your own personal time: Socializing is important, but not losing yourself is, too. Don't give up all your alone time and make sure you maintain some ways of treating yourself.

In this way, you can build up the ability to meet people comfortably, place yourself around new people more often so you have more to choose from, and you're not losing yourself because you're still leaving time for yourself.

Options. And all without neglecting the option to just walk away from it. Which is kind of vital. When you know you have a life you can step out and plug into whenever you want, you're not going to be walking into new social situations feeling like a beggar. Then you will be in a position to pick and choose from a position of self-respect.

It's not about some nebulous notion of "high status." It's not about some bullshit genetic theory. It's not about some subjective idea of "decent looking." But it's also not helpful when some PUAs try to advise others to just have abundance. That's about as useful as someone saying to be yourself. It's true, but it's usually absent the details about how you get to that result.

It's about taking care of yourself and shifting your life a bit so you have options, including the option of nuking it all on some nights for a night in with yourself.

2018-09-04T01:35:47+00:00

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Title	Doubts about "Abundance mentality"
Author	MarvinCH
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	September 4, 2018 12:56 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9cqyoy/doubts_about_abundance_mentality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/doubts-about-abundance-mentality.1452736 https://theredarchive.com/post/1452736

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