~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]NCreature 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Bobby Rio has a good course on this called Make Small Talk Sexy. Todd Valentine too has some good tricks here (Todd's really the guru here). But you basically have to make the conversation sexy without being sexual (at least until its time). Remember escalation is both physical (kino, touching, hand holding, etc) and conversational (talking about sexy topics, being playful and naughty, etc). Also you sort of want to understand the general flow of the interaction. Understanding that if she's at all into you her signals may be subtle but the interaction should just naturally flow towards sex (we call that 'being smooth.') You just kind of need to nudge it in that direction and stay out of the way. Often what's not being said, is what's actually being said. It's like the Olympic sport of Curling. The rock has its own momentum, the sweeping just keeps it moving in a given direction passively. You're not pushing the rock, you're moving things out of the way so it keeps going naturally. All male/female interactions have a natural flow to them. Learn to see that flow and operate on that wavelength.
If you're getting tripped up you're probably not pushing hard enough (you're not man to woman enough) or falling into her coy frame (Don't. Its a trap). People treat you the way you train them to treat you, so if you establish yourself as a fun, sexual, playful dude, she'll usually follow and if she doesn't her loss. Onto the next. But people wont open up, especially women, until they feel its safe to do so (and they'll almost never do so in an overt way unless you're a celebrity), and you as the guy are expected to create that frame with your vibe and bring her into it. Women will sit back, forever, waiting for you to set the frame and then get frustrated and either friend zone you or leave. It will be awkward at first, but just plow through that until you get calibrated enough to see the code in the matrix so to speak.
The way you know you're escalating properly is if you get a shit test. It's like a video game. At every level you encounter a new devil. A new boss. So if you escalate and you get a shit test, keep going! You're moving in the right direction.
[–]Th3M1lkM4n 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What do you mean by shit tests? And what are some examples?
[–]NCreature 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A shit test is anyone someone busts your balls to see what you're made of. Guys do it all the time to each other. Usually give you a bit of a hard time. The difference is with guys, if you pass the test by either saying "fuck off" or standing up for yourself guys will leave you alone. Women on the other hand never stop. Ever. The tests maybe become less intense over time (the more doubt she has about you the greater the tests) but they don't stop. Even married guys get "you're going to go out looking like that?" or something similar. Basically they want to see if you can stand up for yourself and not get butthurt.
A shit test from a girl might be something like "i bet you say this to all the girls," or "we're never ever sleeping together," or "i'm not that kind of a girl," or something designed to throw you off your game. What's she's gauging is your reaction. Now some girls are way worse than others. Most women do this unconsciously or are trying to provoke a reaction out of you like deliberate jealousy. Some girls have this mistaken notion that if they flirt with another guy in front of you the jealousy will bring you back to her -- I see this all the time and its always a disaster. Any guy worth his shit would just dismiss the girl outright as disrespectful or see the game for what it is and not want anything to do with her, and a more beta guy is going to play passive aggressive games or pout or take it out on himself which is equally unattractive.
Either way whenever you're with a girl and she says or does something that knocks you off your game or seems to disrupt the flow, that's almost always a shit test. There are really two correct answers: 1) ignore it, which is the safest option and just keep going (a real player will understand a shit test is really an objection and objections are based on fears, so deal with the fear not the objection directly). Or 2) agree and amplify which is when you just take whatever she said and misinterpret it to absurd proportions which shows you're not intimidated. So if she says "I bet you say that to all the girls," you could be like "yep, you're the 400th tonight, and if we don't hurry up I won't be able to go find 401." (that's a lame example but the point is it just diffuses the bomb she's trying to throw at you). I forget whether its Roissy or Black Label Logic...someone has a shit test dictionary out there online of common shit tests like "I've never done this before" (which translated means "if this was an Olympic sport I'd be a gold medalist," or "i just don't see you that way," which means she does see you that way--people don't spend time with people they don't like--but you fucked up somewhere along the way). You have to learn to read subtext and see the situation.
[–]GrandMasterB19 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So what the girls mean when they say didn't feel any sexual chemistry is that there's a lack of sexual tension between the two of you. Sexual tension is what separates friendly platonic people from romantic people. You should be honest with yourself and consider do you truly like these girls, or do you just want to get laid? Because I've noticed that when I really like a girl the sexual tension is hard to contain. It's just kind of flows out.
If you really do like the girls then the problem probably relates more towards your comfort level with your sexuality and masculinity, since you got the same reaction from two girls. Girls are like mirrors, they tend to reflect the behavior of the guys they're dating. So if you keep it PC friendly with your vibe, she's going to see you as a friendly man. If you get subtlely sexual and seductive with a girl, she's going to see you as a sexual man. She will follow your lead.
So in other words, you're being too much of a "nice guy." Think of it from the opposite perspective: I've talked to girls that were really nice and caring and good women but I basically put them into my friendzone. On paper they were likeable girls. I should have liked them and I couldn't figure out why I didn't. It hit me one day that they were too much of a "nice girl." I couldn't see myself being sexual with them. These girls didn't have anything about their vibe that turned me on.
Men and women aren't that different in this regard. Women have fear of being stereotyped as loose and slutty for showing their desires, while men have a fear of being stereotyped as creepy or perverted for showing their desires. I need to view a woman as a sexual creature to feel safe escalating with her. The woman needs you to do the escalation to feel safe becoming sexual with you. This all stems from sexual tension. Work on bringing a flirtatious and seductive vibe and maintaining a man to woman connection. This is getting more difficult to do because society wants us to neuter ourselves except within the context of dating and relationships so you aren't getting the practice you need and it feels uncomfortable.
[–]nuc1earwessels 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ask yourself do you feel any sexual chemistry? If so focus on that. Let your mind wander to what you find attractive about her. If you can get into that mindset the act of free association to sexual topics will become much easier.
For example I was on a date last night where we were talking about school, and because I was in that mindset I just randomly brought up how teachers were so attractive when we were younger. And we both kind of riffed on that topic for a while.
Granted, I didn't actually end up getting to where I wanted with this girl, but that state of flow in the conversation, triggered by my raw, sexual attraction to her did bing up a flirtatious vibe.
[–]Adsal1234 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm following this. Just had a date but sexual tension never came up, neither from her nor from me. Been out of the game for too long and need to get back in
[–]NeoMakishima1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
ahah I fell you man, I've gotten to the point where the first interaction is easy, gotta learn the next step
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]NCreature 12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Th3M1lkM4n 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NCreature 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GrandMasterB19 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nuc1earwessels 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Adsal1234 [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NeoMakishima1 point [recovered] | Copy Link