COVID-19 disclaimer: before you attack me for not completely self-isolating, I'm in Australia. Yes, we have COVID-19 too, but we are not in total lockdown just yet. The situation here is relatively under control thanks to our relative geographic isolation and (still) warmer season. That being said, I'm all for following the guidelines laid out by your local authorities.

Hello!

Wow... I never thought I'd be making a post like this like EVER, but I finally achieved what I thought was impossible. I hope you all can cherry pick some learnings from my story :)

So I have a room to let in my apartment, and this girl texted me that she's interested. I normally only consider guys as house mates (I like to strut around in my underwear, plus it's easier when picking shows and games etc. on nights in), but in the current economic climate I figure beggars can't be choosers so I accepted her proposal to come check out my place.

The time rolls around, and she texts me she's downstairs. I take the lift, turn the corner and BAM! I'm floored, stunned and amazed all at once. She's gorgeous. Like wow... She's tall, slim, elegant, has long silky hair, a killer smile and big dark sensual eyes. Easily a 9/10 in my books. I was completely caught off guard in my slacks and flip-flops.

I quickly pick my jaw up off the floor, compose myself and politely introduce myself (no handshake as it's COVID season after all). I give her the formal tour, show her the room and I politely ask her what she's doing for the rest of the afternoon. She says she has another inspection nearby about an hour from now, so she's got some idle time to kill.

I offer her a seat to kill said time (winning move 1), and offer a glass of wine. She accepts, and we have some chit chat about what she's doing here etc. No "game", no BS, just basic conversation to find out more about who she is and what drives her. I'm lucky because the music I had on at the time (lo-fi chill hop) is very much her thing, so it gives us something to talk about / bond over. We exchange a few artists / tunes, which makes the time go by very fast and takes the pressure off having to have constant conversation.

Before we know it she has to head on to the next inspection. This is where I make probably the best pick up move of my life: I ask her whether she would like to return after she finishes the other inspection. To my delight, she agrees. This is the context change I was looking for, as she's committing to see me beyond the transactional "house inspection". We're basically going on an instadate at my house, which means the deck is heavily stacked in my favour.

Anyway, her briefly leaving for the inspection gives me some time to regroup. I perform some basic pick up hygiene (wear some decent clothes, brush my teeth, put on some cologne, tidy up the bedroom, bit of grooming) and about an hour later she texts me: she's downstairs. Hot damn, she didn’t flake and this is actually happening. Nervous butterflies all around, as I've never been with a girl this hot, nor have I ever had someone in my house this quickly.

We sit down at the kitchen bar for another glass of wine and at this point I decide to steer the discussion towards TV shows. Cue Netflix. We take to the sofa, and we decide to show each other our favourite episode from our favourite show. She picks something from Brooklyn 99, I go for Rick n Morty. We have a good laugh and time flies. The key here is that I gradually escalate throughout; I start with some playful brief handholding ("NO WAY!" that sort of thing), eventually not letting go and gently stroking her thumb with mine. Straight forward escalation stuff. Remember that once you’re holding hands, you're in business.

Gosh, it’s almost dinner time! We settle on Thai, and after I place the order I reckon it's time to go in for the kill. I lean in for the kiss and she reciprocates. Boom. First base achieved. I didn't have much time to revel in my accomplishment though, as things were getting hot and heavy very quickly at this point. Her panties were absolutely soaked and they hit the floor very quickly.

By the time I get a phone call from the food delivery guy I basically had to pull my dick out and get dressed. Poor timing, but what can you do. We quickly scoff down the food, eager to pick up where we left off. At this point I turn off the TV and put on a nice sexytime playlist I have on Spotify.

She stays the night, and we end up having sex multiple times. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as my dick was raw at this point) the lack of sleep means I didn't have the morning wood required for a little extra in the AM, but we wrap things up with a nice shared shower. We part ways and she's agreed to meet again this week.

Needless to say, she's not taking the room. She'll drop by regularly though to sleep in the main bedroom ;)

Random lessons I've learned over the past few months

I've been pretty successful over the past few months (double digit lays), so hopefully the below helps anyone. This is all from my perspective and they are points that have boosted my confidence / success rates. YMMV.

  • Always be prepared. I was completely caught off-guard when I saw this girl and it nearly threw me off my game. Have at least one bottle of decent wine in the pantry, keep your place organised, don't dress like a slob, groom well. Have a nice smooth playlist ready to go too.
  • Do not be afraid / intimidated by her beauty. The girl from the story above was probably the most beautiful girl I've ever slept with, and up to maybe 6 months ago I would have laughed her off as 'way out of my league'. FUCK THAT SHIT. Girls are girls. Some like you, some won't, but if you work on yourself, a hot chick is just as likely to like you as a less attractive one.
  • When it comes to your appearance, focus on what you can control. I'm short(-ish, 5ft9) and bald. Sucks, but that's the hand I've been dealt and genetics are a variable I can not control. Instead, I focus on getting in shape, dressing well and keeping my teeth immaculate.
  • GET THE FUCK IN SHAPE. Nothing's given me more confidence than being fit. Not only do you simply look better, you also feel better and perform lots better in the sack. Seriously, why are you even reading this. Quarantine / isolation is no excuse. In fact, it's an opportunity to come out the other end as the new you. Look up HIIT and calisthenics and start sweating bullets.
  • Teeth!! Look after your grill. A clean set of pearly whites shows that you know how to look after yourself. You don't need a perfect hollywood smile, but there's no excuse for your teeth to not be CLEAN. I got into this after I realised how much I'm turned off by a girl not having well-maintained teeth.
  • Fuck 'game' and 'opening lines' and all that stuff. Speak slowly (seriously! don't chatter like a nervous wreck) and have a nice, genuine conversation about what drives her. Maintain eye contact and ask her real, meaningful questions. Be silly at times ofcourse, don’t be boring, but always remain interested and focused on her. Chicks feed on attention, so give it to her in spades when you're together.
  • Keep your pad clean. Yeah, man cave this that. Bullshit. You wanna show that you can take care of yourself. Besides, nothing turns a girl off more than finding the shoes / underwear / bra / hairs of another girl.
  • Quit porn. Seriously, porn destroys your libido and can even cause erectile dysfunction. Stop poisoning your mind with an unnatural view of sex and seek out the real deal instead. If you're going through a dry spell, use your imagination instead of resorting to internet porn.