When you guys are approaching a girl, do you feel cool? I don’t mean like “everybody-thinks-I’m-a-cool-and-high-value-dude” cool. I don’t mean validative cool. I mean like cool--zen, in your element, comfortable even though you don’t really know what’s going to happen, even if you don’t necessarily fit into your surroundings.

Last night in the club, I was not feeling so totally cool at first. Like, I was affirming myself, telling myself I was a validatively cool dude, but my nerves were not completely calm. I was not centered. I did not feel comfortable in the very way that I occupied space. I was standing there in the middle of that undulating crowd, trying to get into the music, but I sortof felt--in a bodily way--like I didn’t deserve to be there, occupying that space, even though I was telling myself that I did, very much deserve to be there.

So then I did something important. I got a coca cola, and I just stood to the side for a few minutes, focusing on the taste of the coca cola. There was a girl wandering around pretty aimlessly in my neighborhood, and I recognized what she was feeling, so I opened her:

“What’s up? Are you having a good night?”

“I guess,” she said, surprised someone was talking to her.

We chatted for a minute. I didn’t say too too much. She kept asking me interview questions. I answered, made a couple light jokes, and reflected her questions. A few minutes later, this girl was shoving her phone in my face for my number.

Then a few minutes later, I’m thinking I’ll head back to the dancefloor.

A girl is by herself leaning on the wall. I open her:

“What’s up? I’m Stornm.”

Noncommittal, bitchy handshake. So I stop talking and just chill out next to her, by myself, enjoying the music.

“Where are you from,” she says, after a couple seconds.

Similar conversation to above, until some dude, maybe her boyfriend, comes out of left field and takes her to the dancefloor.

I finally make my own way out to that floor, make eye contact with a girl, and we start grooving. She makes a couple judgy faces, looks disapprovingly at her friend like, “who is this guy,” and then just starts dancing with me. I spin her around. She keeps dancing with me. I spin her again and she says, “that’s enough,” walks away a bit, but then we keep grooving. I try to grind. She grinds for a second maybe, but then she back away, gives me a thoughtful, inspecting look, and keeps dancing with me.

I’m not getting “sexual” vibes from this girl. It feels more like she’s toying with me--using me for my moves. So I bounce.

And by this time, I am feeling completely comfortable in my body. Completely cool. Like assassin cool. Precise. A laser. Secret agent cool.

Almost too cool though. I wouldn't know, because I let this “too cool” SLB take me all the way out of the club and on my way home. I was afraid to approach a rollicking, howling with laughter group of people, because I was afraid I’d bring them down with my laid-back cool. Like, it just didn't feel like we were on the same wavelength.

I suppose the answer is just give less fucks and approach them anyway.

But the point is, I felt really fucking cool and confident, but I didn’t feel like I was polarizing girls in the way I normally do when I’m just fucking losing myself--approaching as many girls as possible, not feeling anything. But I like this laser-precision feeling, this presence to the moment thing. I am just wondering how to bring up the energy level.

Does any of this make any sense? Has anybody felt this way before? Can I get a “you’re in the right place,” or a “what the fuck are you talking about/doing?”