Alright! There's really nothing special about this but I wanted to document and analyze it mostly for myself. who knows someone else might get sth. out of it too. Also any and all input/insight is greatly appreciated.

I was 16, socially awkward and skinny af on summer holiday at a hotel on a warmer continent with my parents and friends and their parents. There was this girl. Thin, tall, fair skin, (white) colored hair - I was a sucker for all of those traits. Still am except for the colored hair, I grew out of that. We'd been exchanging looks for over a week at the pool, restaurant, beach - not hot and and heavy looks but more the the teenage, shy, awkward and introverted looks you too may remember. I didn't know much back then but I knew I had to make a move soon because she was probably gonna leave soon. So one evening after having a few beers and working up the courage by talking it over with my friends I actually did walk over to her. I don't remember what I said but I do remember awkwardly waving goodbye and walking off when she understood neither english nor my mother tongue.

Fast forward 8 years, an abusive relationship (if it's too easy it's a trap - no she wasn't a guy), bad sex in the first year, then no sex for years, some (PI)ED, IPP, failure along multiple axis of measurement, numbness, loneliness, light depression but luckily also many good things lately e.g.: at least 30% more muscle (I can now proudly proclaim to be of average build), giving up on alcohol, more confidence, more money, more hobbies, more and better friends, to name a few. The majority of that time I spent in monk mode until late last year when I made the decision to tackle the problem that is girls now that I'd sufficiently improved other major aspects of my life. I learned a lt and had a little success but then I took an arrow to the knee - I had a major sports injury which postponed my gaming until recently due to the physical difficulty sitting & standing and the psychological toll (I was really really fucking worried, but it all turned out OK).

I was at a club with 3 hot (and 1 not so hot) girls - some 90s clubbing, actually pretty cool. Oh boy, pre-selection is real! When you enter a club like that all the other hot girls eyes are on you. Amazing! Now I wasn't in the best mood. The birthday girl (BG) was a bit too drunk and quite a burden, I don't really get along with the bubbly 8 (B8) or the not so hot girl (NH) and the other hot one was cool but short (SG). So we danced a little, they drank a little I tried making conversation but B8 always steals all the attention with her boring, annoying, hyper bs making me even more annoyed/down. Tried talking to SG but it's really difficult when her eye level is below my nipples. Now seated that's not an issue but how do you game her when standing up? Serious question! At a bar Imade eye contact with a hot blonde 5 steps away. Tall, fit, good looking. I battled my mind for a few minutes. Made the decision to go up to her only to find some ugly but apparently smooth bastards with her. Too slow. Back to my friends. About an hour in I lost them, so after wandering around a bit I went up to the indoor balcony thingy overlooking the dancefloor in hope of spotting them.

I leaned at the balcony looking down when a nice brunette leaned at the same balcony a few metres away. Not dolled up, cute hair, nice face, fit and when I made up my mind another guy came up to her. Dammit, too slow again! They talked for a minute and he left! NOW OR NEVER! HIGHSPEED! Walked up, mind blank, bumped into her lightly and said the first thing that came into my mind: "So you're searching for your friends also or why are leaning at the balcony alone?" "What?" she asked - should have used a pre-opener! I repeated. She looked at me, smiled and answered: "No I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's quite muffy over at the bar." "Does it work?" I replied in sarcasm since we are indoor and the club is full and the air is bad everywhere. "Not really." she said looking away. Mind blank, I hadn't planned that far and was too nervous to naturally make convo. Nothing happened for 2 seconds. She walked off.

Truth is I blew myself out. Some things I figured out, other things I hope will become clear through experience and/or your input:

1st eye contact: I didn't look her in the eyes which alart from being rude & unattractive puts me even more into my head than I already was. It blocks off any connection before it can grow. This is sth. I knew and been improving on since december but I completely forgot. It was even worse than usual - I can't even tell you how her face looks from upfront! I didn't look at her for a second when we were up close!

2nd voice: Now my voice was rough since I'd been screaming in order to converse with people in the club for an hour now and had just been over a bad cold but those weren't the main problems. Since I was so nervous and tense my voice was really flat and tonedead. She might as well have talked with a robot. This was because I didn't get into my body/feeling state (which is still new to me and difficult to achieve/control). Part of it was my still very strong tendency to live in and through my head, part was my nervousness and part was the bad mood I was in (thanks B8).

3rd body language: many of the same points as voice. I can't really remember much about it but I do believe I turned towards her in the beginning so that's OK for starters. I do remeber having both hands on the rail which was not optimal. Don't remember enough to analyze properly though.

4th opener and/or lack of a follow up: Now that wasn't the worst opener ever. I forgot the pre-opener, that was stupid although I would'nt have needed it had I done it more properly, e.g.: Bump, turn, eye contact, opener. I should've prepared a topic/joke/sth. since it was to be expected that I would be too nervous to be able to converse naturally. Maybe I should've been more direct but I guess this can only work when I'm in my body so no chance back then.

Important lesson: This wasn't even 5% as bad and horrible as I always thought it would be. No girls giggling at my embarassment, no chads making fun of me. In fact nobody gave a flying fuck. You know why? Because this is not a movie! That js normal life! It's what people do! They talk to one another (and leave if they don't want to because the other person's awkward lol). It wasn't embarassing or depressing or anything like that. I learned a ton! I now know better what to expect! And I can't wait to do it again! I know things will be different in a well lit bar or in bright daylight but I'll just take 1 step at a time. I'll get there. If you never walked up to a girl before. Do it the next time you'r out. You'll be surprised of how boring it is to fail.

To quickly finish up the story. Found my friends, got all close & touching & a bit grinding with BG since she was a bit more sober now and still giving me IOIs but her friends - probably B8 and NH because they never get any - "rescued" her before we could progress to making out. I was in her friendzone for years and "in love" for at least 1 year the two (!) times added together. And now I'm relaxed about it (or dgaf to put it more bluntly). If we get close touching (grinding) again, nice. If we go further, even nicer. But I don't care. I'll keep on exploring that new world that is seduction with that body of mine which I'm getting better at feeling (with & through). If she wants to explore with me a little that's fine, if not there's going to be some other girl thrilled to so ;)

Peace!

Edit: TL;DR: Pre-Selection is definitely real. Don't go out with people you don't have a good vibe with. How tf do I game short girls in a club without seats? Finally walked up to a girl, all nervous & tensed up and without looking at her face / into her eyes. Kinda froze after indirect opener, she walked off. Nothing bad happened! Approaching (in a dark nightclub) really isn't that bad. Can't wait to do it again! Got all close touching and dancing with a girl I used to get frienzoned by for years - even more than last time we went out. Isolate! Don't forget to isolate! Life's good! This is in large part due to knowing the basics of seduction.