I wrote this field report the other night and was absolutely riding high. But last night was an absolute crash and burn for me.

Yesterday morning I woke up to a text message from this girl, and we playfully texted back and forth throughout the day, then finally agreed that we were going out to our usual dive later in the evening. I showed up at the bar around 10, as she was waiting for her friend to get out of work. They showed up around 11, and it was obvious that she was nervous. I playfully said to her "Uh oh, you're being weird, aren't you?" She had this deer-in-the-headlights look and she made some comment about how she was drunk the night before (she wasn't that drunk) and that she was really unsure about what she wanted. I played it off and we got a table.

I was sitting next to her, playing with her hair, doing kino on her back, at a couple points I had my hand on her thigh. It was building nicely, and a few times we locked eyes and I thought the anxiety was going away. But when it came to the end of the night, we were kinda cuddling, and all of a sudden, she kinda freaks out. She was pretty clear that despite the attraction that we'd built, she was not at all comfortable, and I think that her attraction and her LJBF mentalities were absolutely warring with each other. Finally, she literally bolted, and I just lost her. As far as I can tell, it's game over for this girl. She texted me today that she was sorry she left out hung out to dry, and that she hopes "we can still be friends."

My conclusion: I think this girl is really attracted to me, but there's some block she has that's preventing her from acting on it. After speaking with her friend about it (who oh-so-kindly had nothing but good words about me when she got texted about it yesterday), it appears that she's just kinda messed up about guys right now.

LESSON: Sometimes, no amount of attraction can change a girl's mind once she makes it.