Yesterday a friend and I were talking about tinder. He mentioned how sex was almost assured for him once he got them isolated (either at his place or there's). I told him that in the vast majority of my dates in recent years, girls will be initially attracted, but at some point during the date they get completely turned off. Often this will happen at the end of the date when we're at they're place or mine. I'm guessing that in around 75 to 90% of my dates where I go to their place, we don't have sex. My friend asked me to write an FR about a typical example of this.

For context I am a white dude in my thirties, 5'8", 160 pounds and fit. People tell me that I'm attractive and I believe it. I've done lots and lots of approaches over the past several years and have had some success from just lots of volume, but haven't seen any improvement in the effectiveness of my game.

This was a tinder date from about a year ago. I don't usually build up a lot of sexual tension prior to meeting, but in this case I did. We texted on tinder about sexual preferences, flirted for a bit and decided to meet at a wine bar close to her place.

We met outside the bar. I kissed her on the cheek and guided her inside with hand on the small of her back. IIRC, I felt like there was initially a spark of attraction from both of us. She was wearing a nice tight red dress. We sat in the back of the bar on a couch. The place was relatively open, light and crowded so making out in the back would be kind of conspicuous. However, we were touching and close enough that I'm pretty sure we were both getting turned on. I found out that she was a scientist and professor at a prestigious local college.

After a few drinks I think I said something like, "Why don't we go to your place?" or something like that. When we got there she asked me to sit on the couch while she got some water. When she got back she sat on the chair next to the couch. This is probably the point where I got stuck in my head trying to think of what my move should be. I can't remember a lot of the details, but I do recall that I was able to get her onto the couch where I proceeded to escalate (kissing on her neck, touching her legs etc.). While escalating she stopped me by saying something like, "We're not having sex tonight." IIRC, my reaction was to play it off like I was cool with it either way. I believe I also froze her out, i.e. completely backed off but stayed on the couch. After a few minutes of her having shut down with bad body language I left.

I believe part of the issue is that this happens so often that I expect it at this point and my actions reflect that. Also, I've been single for so long that kino and escalation has never really come natural to me. It still feels forced. In other words, whenever I'm touching a girl most of my focus is on that touch, i.e. whether it's too much/little, too hard or soft, is she into it, etc. It hardly ever feels as natural as it looks with the couples I see in public.