Hey guys! So, I started casually reading seddit and getmotivated reddits over the summer. I used to be a very shy and self conscious awkward teenager, and thanks to a rather interesting and excruciatingly tough year I consider that I made the difficult transition to young adulthood. The post is kind of long so I put the important parts in bold so you guys can get a general idea ^ .

The problem is, that that transition implies having to set your own goals and to define yourself. Something I was unable to do until after that year and getting my priorities straight. ./r/seddit and many other subreddits have been a huge help in this.

Anyways, on to the FR. I never really dated before because of my huge lack of self confidence. It was all on hookup sites before, and I usually met for casual sex, which was epidemiological suicide and much less fulfilling than I imagined. The only time I really ever semi actually picked up with someone at a club was when I went out with this extremely tight night organization I work with with 100 members, so it doesn't really count, but it was a huge step in my advancement.

Anyways, last weekend and the one before that I finally went out to have fun having learned these extremely important things that changed a LOT.

  • People go out to forget about their normal life and problems, not mull over them on the dance floor. Yeah, I know, extremely basic, but guess what this Derpaherp did every time he went out. ./facepalm. I learned this from the /r/meditation reedit actually. The difference was... outstanding. Especially during the dancing. I just really let go, had lots of fun and it was the first time I wasn't told by my friends that my dancing was awkward (Yes guys, being gay doesn't imply being a good dancer, shucks :( ). *Getting into the "feel" of the club also makes a huge difference on the image you project and, of course, seduction.**
  • You have to believe you're the best catch in there, period. This is coming from someone who used to cry just from seeing himself in videos. Self confidence and inner game are a must. The mind/body duality is wrong. One influences the other greatly. If you have a high enough self esteem level, you can overcome (Alas, never eliminate) fear of rejection, you'll be more daring, more yourself etc.
  • Just do it. Fear is natural to us humans. The only way you can expect to overcome it and approach people is to vivisect it, and overcome it with sheer will power. For me, it really helped to think of it as that the worst that could happen was that I came off as a normal happily semi inebriated dude trying to strike up a conversation with another (handsome) semi inebriated dude.
  • The Alpha Male Paradigm. This is also something surprisingly effective and important. When I first read about it, I kind of went wtf and thought it was kind of strange. But it's completely true. All of it. You have to not be affected by others judgements if you are to maintain inner game and self confidence. You have to dish out value, not receive it to do this too. Body language etc also plays a crucial role. And the eyes, the stare. Being the last one to part the gaze seems kind of silly, but I can definitely say that it's at the very least empowering.

Just changing those three things made a HUGE difference. I can honestly say that I have never been hit on as much times as that night by men. I felt amazingly good and happy. Unfortunetly, none of them where my type, and the two or three that I tried flirting with didn't really respond. So, here's where my questions come in:

  • As a gay male my principal method of gauging attraction at a club is the good 'ol "I'd rape you if it were legal" look. The thing is, being an exchange between two men, I'm not sure if being the last one to part the gaze here still applies. Also, if they don't respond to this, even if you've crossed looks a few times, how "safe" is it to approach them anyways without getting shot down?
  • This may sound very basic, but if the eye stare thingy is inconclusive, what are other good ways of gauging attraction and making a possible approach? I guess the guys that are reading this could give me your opinion on how you'd like to get approached.

I'm a pretty good converser (more so with the help of our beloved friend ethanol), so the only thing that really has me kind of stumped are the approaches and what I wrote up there.

Thank you so much for reading and I await your feedback guys! Thanks for the great posts :D.