First post to Seddit. Long time lurker. Bit of an odd sitch here. This is not a typical FR. And it's lengthy.

I met a girl a few years ago, nothing ever really happened. We've been Facebook friends, but not really kept in contact. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I saw her at the gym. Got her number. It wasn't really gaming, it was more of a "nice to see you, we should hang out". Simple. I asked her for drinks, but the night we planned she ended up being exhausted from a 12 hour work shift. I figured that was a legitimate reason, so I didn't think much of it.

I found out a play was showing in my city (I live in a small city, so this is sort of a rare thing to happen). I asked her to go, but it turned out she was going with two of her friends (a married couple), but had an extra ticket from another friend who bailed. She asked if I'd like to come, I said yes.

The night of the play, I get there, ready to pay, and she refused my cash. I thought that was cool, but didn't overreact and exaggerate that it was some godly thing that happened (what AFC me probably would have done). I said thank you, and later bought her a drink as an attempt to equal it out. The actual play went great. There were a couple of really sexual parts in the play, and I teased her about "why she would drag me to such a perverted event". There was other teasing, I forget what I did exactly. I got a few playful slaps. I had fun with her friends too, teasing them and just having a good time in general. They seemed to like me. Shortly after the play, we went for a drink, but my girl was exhausted from another long day at work, and wanted to duck out early. No problem. I left when she did. I got a hug out of her, which is better than I usually do (kino is my biggest issue for sure. I possibly could have went for a K-close, but it didn't feel like I had enough kino, and it probably would have come off as forced (does it ever feel "right" though? I'm not sure about this). I talked to her about a day 2. We were going to see a scary movie (scary movies are gold for dates btw. You can talk quietly, still get the gist of the show, and most importantly, it evokes emotion, making very easy to initiate kino). It turns out scary movies were traumatic for her, and we decided to plan for a comedy instead (not ideal, but I figured I might be able to make it work).

I also am not bad at cooking, and cooking for 1 is difficult, so I invited her to dinner before the show. Here's where it gets bad. Fish tacos. Easy meal. I had most of it finished, when she came over about 15 minutes early. The perfectionist inside of me went into overdrive, and I'm sure that I came off as a little bit panicked. It was a bit of an awkward start, but managed to improve as the night went on. We got into a good conversation and almost missed the show. We got there just as the show was starting. I paid for the movie (those tickets to the play were pretty expensive, so I figured this would put us on equal ground in that regard). Her body language during the entire show was VERY closed off. Leaning away from me, arms crossed and legs crossed. She seemed very uncomfortable (or maybe just cold? I'll talk more about this in a bit). I didn't really initiate any kino, since she already looked uncomfortable, and I wanted to respect her boundaries. After the show, I drove her back to my place. I asked if she wanted to come in for a bit, but she was again tired and wanted to get a good sleep for work. I hugged her goodbye, but this hug was better than the hug from day 1. Really good. Like a 10 second hug. After that she grabbed my hands and stared me straight in the eyes. Looking back, I should have gone for the K-close for sure. It all happened so fast though, and it was a big shock compared to how she acted the rest of the night. Instead of the kiss I just said "have a good night" before I realized what was happening.

Today I tried to setup a future day 3. We texted a bit, and then she just didn't answer. I suggested that we go for a walk in her part of the city (she loves walking, and the area would be new to me, so I think it would be fun! Also, it would require way less preparation compared to cooking, meaning I'll be able to chill the fuck out).

Takeaways:

  1. Don't setup a date where you're under pressure. It turned out that cooking for someone was a little more stressful than I anticipated, and it killed the energy.

  2. Be bold. Looking back, I had a lot of opportunities to initiate some kino but never did. I overthought it way too much, and then the opportunity passed. The worst that will happen is she'll say "um, what are you doing?", at which point I could easily steer the conversation into something humorous if it's really bad, but I'd like to get even more bold at that point at say something confident like "you looked comfortable so I decided I should join in" or something to that effect. Regardless, it'll be fine. Make the goddamn move. Don't think about it. Do it.

  3. Relax before setting up a future date. I think I maybe got too excited about seeing this girl again for day 3, and it probably came off as desperate. I've been wanting to text her again, but I know better. I also know that she may not ever text back. Being outcome independent is difficult! I'm happy that I asked though. I learned from this!

  4. Be proud of what you accomplish, even if the result isn't what you wanted. I'm proud that I managed to get a day 2 with a girl (hasn't happened in awhile), and took the risk of making dinner (this was a little out of my comfort zone, but I see this now). I'm also glad that I am able to recognize where I went wrong. It's been a valuable learning experience, and moving forward I know I'm going to do way better!

Moving forward, I'm not going to sit around and wait for her. I'm going to get back out there, and talk to even more girls. It will prove to me that no one girl is worth putting on a pedestal, and that it's totally her loss at this point if she doesn't see any value in me.

If you guys have any tips/suggestions/ideas, I'm open to your thoughts and ideas. Thanks for reading!

If you want a TL;DR, see the takeaways. You'll get the gist of it.

EDIT: Holy shit. Writing a FR is very therapeutic! Totally helped clarify everything, and my oneitis symptoms are minimal. Quit lurking and write some FRs! Not for Seddit, but for yourself!