Tokyo -- I've heard "women are the same everywhere" and I'm finding that to be false, so I'm putting my location in my posts from now on. Hopefully others in Japan can find my FRs and learn something from them, since r/TokyoSeddit is a ghost-town, and the Tokyo Adult Guide forums are a cesspool of escort shills and toxic expats who verbally harass anyone who asks a question.

Lead-in

There's this Japanese chick with whom I've been sexting since November. She picks my brain about foreign guys, and I pick her brain about Japanese girls. By chance, before my date, I picked her brain about how Japanese girls are so passive and don't reciprocate my moves even though they want me, and how as a Westerner it makes me feel rapey to keep escalating through neutral responses. According to her, it's a culture thing. The girls may want to express that they're DTF, but they hold back because of Japan's whole polite, shy, slut-shaming, put-on-a-mask culture. Unles you get enough alcohol in some of them, apparently. She straight up said that most girls want to be dominated in such a way that would come off as coercion to myself as an American. They apparently like shit like this. Not that move specifically, but that kind of dominance. There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. That encouraged me to be a bit more assertive on my date.

Pre-date

Matched a woman on Tinder. Roughly same age as me: early 30s. Her profile said she liked coffee and "wasn't a party person" because her looks kinda gave off the party-person vibe. I noticed she had long nails, so I opened with "Thank god you're not a party-person, but those nails look dangerous." Positive response, so I made a quip about not scratching me too hard when we go out for coffee. Hooked, date set.

Date

Personally, I find that visualization helps me, much like how athletes or aerobatic pilots visualize their game or routine before the actual show, so I visualize some of the things I'm going to try on a date. I'm bad about opening physicality on the first meet, so I planned to use her nails as an excuse to grab her hand, take a moment to appreciate her nails, then kiss her hand and see what happens. Well, she reached out for a handshake first, which was a pleasant surprise. I took her hand and admired her nails, but her over-sized coat sleeves were covering too much of her hand to try that kiss. Achievement partially unlocked.

She was wearing a mask like 99% of the population is now, and she had a mild cough. It's allergy season and it's messing me up a bit too, but coronavirus jokes ensue. "You don't have coronavirus, do you?" "Hehe maybe." "Well guess I can't kiss you today then." That line is usually outside of my comfort zone this early in the date, and sober. Achievement unlocked.

While walking to the restaurant she veered off the path a bit so I locked my arm in hers and teased her about getting lost. Also outside my comfort zone this early in the date. She said "I'm fine," but at the same time wrapped her arm around mind for a bit. Then she dropped her arm and I withdrew a bit later....these are the mixed signals/yellow lights that drive me nuts, but I tested how long I could keep the yellow light before getting a red light. No assertive red light came so I just dropped it....I'm starting to recognize that I should push these yellow lights just a little bit further. Achievement partially unlocked.

Physicality across the table was kinda impossible. Conversation was okay, would have been better if she were a more interesting person, to be honest. When someone's hobbies are just exercise, movies, and travel, I don't have a lot to ask or talk about. I did find two interesting hooks that I was able to latch on to:

  • She used to dance. I asked what styles. Among them was regaetton, of all things. Knowing that to be a sensual dance, I told her "If you can regaetton I want to see that."
  • I asked her what she enjoyed about traveling. There's this useful Japanese word, "shigeki." It means "stimulation" or "excitement." It can also be suggestive: "I want shigeki on a date" = I want to do something exciting, potentially sexual. "I see, so you like 'shigeki,'" with an intense look in my eyes.

I was getting frustrated with the distance preventing me from escalating physically. There was a big park nearby, kinda known for where people make out, but then it started raining. <Insert Witcher meme here>

I suggested billiards, my go to escalation game. She was keen on me teaching her, but not tonight. Allergy season seemed to be getting the best of her. She suggested a cafe, so we bounced to a cafe. More seating issues getting in the way of physicality. Talked, still positive body language. She said she wanted me to teach her billiards next time and we swapped contact info. Left early. As we were leaving I smelled whatever shampoo she used on her hair, caressed her hair and stuck my nose in it briefly, complimenting her on the smell. Positive reaction. I've done this before, but I've always had to think about it. This time I literally did it before my brain realized what I was even doing. Achievement unlocked.

Parted ways. I was going to initiate a hug, but when I turned she had already iniated a hug, mentioned meeting again, and that was that. I give a 40% chance that we actually will meet again, but if we do go to billiards, she's mine.

Successes

  • Opening with some mild physicality at the first meet isn't as awkward as I used to think
  • Joking about "I can't kiss you today" or "Want a mint in case we make out later?" isn't as creepy as I used to think
  • The yellow lights aren't as big of a deal as I used to think
  • Effortlessly made a couple suggestive comments, however mild they were
  • Made one move automatically without even thinking about it

Learning points

  • I'm still not entirely sure about locking arms and holding hands, mainly the timing
  • I still have trouble escalating physicality in traditional restaurant/cafe seating
  • I need to get more risque with my suggestive comments
  • I need to compliment slightly more, while incorporating suggestive comments
  • I need to develop a bank of more interesting questions for "basic bitch hobbies"
  • Even though she was wearing a mask when we hugged at the end, I could have at least gone for a symbolic kiss on the cheek or something