Reflecting about a day date is making me feel like a beta idiot.

Tinder, mid-30s, incredibly attractive woman who works out. Fits my type to a T.

Opening text was flirty, she showed a lot of interest, I set up a lunch date for the next day, she mentioned tonight was okay too. I couldn't do that short notice so scheduled the next day. I was seeing a lot of hookup flags. Or so I thought.

On the date, she was not as flirty or high-interest as she was over text. That took me aback because I was expecting more high-interest like the woman I met last week, who was more congruent over both text and in person. She also mentioned she was looking for someone to settle down with and have a kid because she was "at that age." That type of conversation really kills my escalation vibe.

After lunch we moved to skating. She was a newbie so I tried to help while holding her hand occasionally, but she would never hold my hand for very long. While taking breaks I would sit next to her and do some more touching, but she was nonreactive. Accepting, but not reciprocating. I tried to move away from skating after about an hour, but she said she was just starting to get the hang of it and have fun, and wanted to stay the full two hours. I ask how much time she has, she says until 7 or 8. We continue skating, she takes a fall, I come to help her up, but even then she was hesistant about giving me her hand to help her up. By this point I lost all motiviation to make more moves because she's clearly not that interested in me.

Afterwards we decide to go for a beer. On the way there, she mentions how her ass hurts from the fall, and she shyly says "I hope no one spanks me." Hindsight 20/20, I should have taken that comment and rolled with it. At the time I was so demotivated by the mixed signals and lack of IOIs I just let it slide. Fun conversation over beers. She apparently forgot about her "7-8" deadline and stayed later. Again she mentioned "settling down," how it "takes a while" for her to get to like someone, and all that crap, but also mentioned she like a guy who was wild in bed. Hindsight 20/20 again, it's hard to pick up on these things when her incongruency, lack of nonverbal cues, and "serious relationship" talk kills your vibe and you feel like it's a lost cause.

Ended the date, sent a thank you text the next day because I'm just a polite Southern-bred dumbass. Not even a "thank you" back.

Takeaways

  • I need to ignore anything a girl says about serious relationships and assume she's looking for a hookup
  • I need to not let anything kill my vibe (circles back to the previous point)
  • I need to grow some balls and take more risks when I get neutral body language, instead of only acting when I see IOIs

After last week's success, this failure has put me in a bit of a funk. Failures with a 6 or 7 are just whatever. Failures with an 8~10 are depressing.