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BurnablesOnMondays Archive

View 20 posts and 432 comments by BurnablesOnMondays on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
40

FundamentalsBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction04/03/20 04:04 AM
39

Inner Game BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction25/03/20 03:40 PM
22

LogisticsBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction24/01/20 06:54 AM
14

Field ReportBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction13/02/20 04:34 PM
10

Field ReportBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction28/02/20 07:19 AM
9

BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction23/10/19 08:19 AM
8

LifestyleBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction09/01/20 07:19 AM
6

Inner Game BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction01/03/20 03:21 AM
5

Inner Game BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction08/06/20 04:53 AM
4

Field ReportBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction07/03/20 04:23 PM
4

Field ReportBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction22/02/20 09:38 AM
3

BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction25/11/19 09:56 AM
3

BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction26/11/19 09:11 AM
2

FundamentalsBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction06/02/20 01:29 AM
2

BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction16/10/19 09:36 AM
2

BurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction12/12/19 09:49 AM
1

FundamentalsBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction30/03/20 06:37 AM
0

Field ReportBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction21/01/20 10:11 AM
0

ConversationBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction12/03/20 02:11 AM
0

FundamentalsBurnablesOnMondays/r/seduction10/02/20 06:23 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

You're extremely fast responding to messages AND its clear you keep the conversation going/put in substantive effort/send too many texts or get covertly upset when replies aren't present I'm glad you qualified this with "and." Being quick to respond to messages alone isn't a red flag for any of this. I have my own life, sometimes I'm busy, but I am rarely so busy that I can't respond to a message within 5 minutes; particularly post-corona with telework. That's just me, and if someone thinks I'm …
/r/seduction01/10/20 02:08 AM
7

If you're going to use Tinder, use the app Photofeeler to get actual women to rate your pictures so you can find out which ones are attractive to women. Is Photofeeler secure? As in your pictures won't get leaked out? If you live in a big city, join your local game global group to find wingmen that you can go out with to meet women. Careful with this one. I joined the Tokyo game global group, and no one in the group actually lives in Japan at all, and the only active poster is some PUA influence…
/r/seduction30/09/20 03:06 AM
2

I'm still trying to figure it out myself, and we can throw "Platonic IoIs" into the mix as well. I've been burned so many times by women in my past social circles who do all those listed IoIs only to harshly reject me and fuck up the harmony of the social circle when I asked them out. I've also had so many dates with a good chemistry, mix of romantic and sexual IoIs, end on a couple kisses, but no makeout or isolation because of logistics problems for both of us; she says she wants to meet again…
/r/seduction30/09/20 01:12 AM
2

Depends how much they are in to fitness. If they lift they'll keep it twice as long as the average girls.
/r/seduction29/09/20 02:54 PM
3

It's not that black-and-white. I've had boring sex with someone I connected with and great sex with someone that was boring, and the other way around. That's the same for my current plates as well. If I were to rank them in order of our personal connection, it would be the inverse of the "fun sex" ranking.
/r/seduction29/09/20 02:53 PM
-1

Those are always the most fulfilling in the soul, but the lack of hot body always makes the sex lackluster.
/r/seduction29/09/20 11:49 AM
8

IoI's need to be split into romantic and sexual. In my experience I have found that IoI's showing romantic interest (i.e. courting) are separate from those showing sexual interest (i.e. take me home and fuck me). They always get lumped into one massive list because the sexual signals always come together with the romantic signals, but romantic signals can come without the sexual signals. This makes things confusing, and yet no one has bothered to properly separate the two.
/r/seduction29/09/20 11:48 AM
1

Of course girls will chase you if you look like the ripped Chad in that YouTube video rolls eyes
/r/seduction29/09/20 10:00 AM
3

Probably possible, but rare. Everyone is different. I had a (crazy) ex who could come just from having her nipples licked. You never know.
/r/seduction29/09/20 03:40 AM
2

Yeah that was her clit grinding on your lap that made her come, not the kiss.
/r/seduction29/09/20 03:39 AM
4

Yeah, that's where the Catch-22 is. I'm not a big drinker, most "social" bars are sausage-fests, the good bars are invite/insiders only, and clubs only get hopping after the last trains end and my body does not like pulling all-nighters (not to mention they're expensive af). There's a big anti-pickup culture here yet at the same time women complain about never being able to meet any suitors.
/r/seduction29/09/20 03:05 AM
3

Tokyo. The only way to "cold approach" is at a bar, club, or event that specifically designed to be social. Out on the streets, parks, or beaches people act like you're nuts if you just say hello. Even in my apartment building I've tried greeting my neighbors and they sheepishly say hello. There's this hilarious game they play of "let me check my mail so that person can take the elevator first and I can ride alone." Not just towards me, but towards everyone.
/r/seduction29/09/20 02:58 AM
3

my biggest learning was that it comes down to how much permission you give yourself to express. Meaning, if you have trouble talking to women, you probably have communication trouble in a couple other areas of life too. This seems to be everyone's problem with cold approach, except for mine. My two issues are a) not having anything to say, and b) knowing that a lot of women in my region treat cold approach as a nuisance. So half the fear is not knowing what to say and the other half is fear of a…
/r/seduction29/09/20 02:39 AM
6

Lesson two: Show your vulnerable side So talk about things that you’re truly passionate about not just small talk even if you talk about mistakes you’ve made in don’t worry about trying to cover up your rough edges. I always have small gripes about the vocabulary used in game, and this is one of them. Talking about your passions isn't a vulnerable side. The catch with "be vulnerable" is that there is a "vulnerable" that girls are attracted to and a "vulnerable" that they aren't. For example, I h…
/r/seduction20/09/20 10:57 PM
3

Speaking on the Tokyo side, I have had zero success from club game here. Some clubs, I shit you not, have women-only seating. And almost all of them are sausage fests. There's also always groups of girls who go there not to meet people, but to dance and enjoy the music, and blow off some steam, hoping to get invited to the VIP area by some beer-gut rich dude who's not even attractive. Trying to isolate one of them from the group is impossible. The type who do go to clubs for hookup either go to …
/r/seduction20/09/20 11:23 AM
5

Society and trauma from childhood also places unrealistic expectations on us, and unfairly judges us for being ourselves as well.
/r/seduction12/09/20 04:35 AM
-1

That doesn't work here in Japan. At all. If you can't make the conversation fun/exciting she's going to make up some fake time constraint to end the date early. The only thing you actually need to do is not act weird. Act normal. Be socially calibrated. Yes, but on top of that the conversation has to be not boring.
/r/seduction11/09/20 02:21 PM
1

Noticing something about them or the situation is so common, yet everything around me is so mundane there really isn't anything to notice or comment on.
/r/seduction30/08/20 01:01 AM
2

Usually thinking "what should I say?" Hell, any time I make a post on reddit most of it is premeditated before I even start typing.
/r/seduction29/08/20 02:53 PM
1

You're still not understanding. If the anxiety is clinical, and especially debilitating, you literally can not push yourself through it. I take it you've never had clinical anxiety and had to take meds yourself?
/r/seduction28/08/20 12:00 PM
2

Examine if you feel any approach anxiety. (You will find that you don't.) I'm not so sure this works on someone who feels anxiety when even asking shop staff where a certain item is because you can't find it yourself....there's literally no failure/success involved yet it still causes anxiety.
/r/seduction28/08/20 11:58 AM
1

Sounds like an interesting exercise. I'll give it a shot. 1) "But what I'm thinking is completely irrelevant" This is a huge issue, because 99% of the thoughts in my head are in relation to some shit I need to do or want to do. Going up to a girl and saying "I need to vacuum my rug today" or "I want to play video games now" isn't really going to work.
/r/seduction28/08/20 11:55 AM
2

Yeah I think OP is looking for something more specific than that.
/r/seduction28/08/20 08:50 AM
1

And smooth lines that were created by professional writers over months of hard work.
/r/seduction28/08/20 08:49 AM
1

But how do you express sexuality outside of sex? My sexuality only comes out when the clothes come off because anything not sex is not sexual. It's like trying to express color with music.
/r/seduction28/08/20 08:47 AM
1

How do you come up with what to say within 3 seconds?
/r/seduction28/08/20 08:45 AM
3

I loved the expect to fail. But it's way more complicated than that. Everyone says "just expect to fail" or "expect no outcome" thinking that it helps. Failure sucks. Failure hurts. Expecting failure just makes approach anxiety worse.
/r/seduction28/08/20 08:44 AM
1

You're conflating natural anxiety with the clinical anxiety OP is talking about. He has a valid point because people here, and comments like yours, take the equivalent approach of telling a person suffering from depression to "just think happy thoughts."
/r/seduction21/08/20 02:48 AM
8

How did you develop conversational content for such successful approaching? I know about cold reads and all that jazz, but I'm not a very talkative person and I can't make the random inferences people make when doing cold reads, so after "hi" I literally have nothing to say.
/r/seduction20/08/20 04:00 PM
1

I'm 32 and banged three women just this week. Two were established FWB, but still. It's never really "too late."
/r/seduction09/08/20 11:40 AM
4

In my situation it's vital, since I like women with sculpted thighs and butts. I'm a hardgainer who can't bulk because of GERD, so all my gym efforts result in muscle definition on a skinny frame (80cm waist, 88~90cm chest). Every single time I go on a Tinder date with someone who's hot and above a 7/10, there's an immediate vibe that they were expecting someone with more muscle mass. One girl even straight up told me that. My 9/10 face and personality just aren't enough, it seems.
/r/seduction07/08/20 11:34 PM
30

HOW do you pull the trigger? Do you grab her arm and pull her in? Do you just lean in?
/r/seduction01/08/20 05:11 AM
1

You're one of the rare types that I'm trying to find.
/r/seduction28/07/20 10:46 AM
1

I've thought about it, but the majority of expat/tourist women here are fat and ugly. There are some exceptions, but they're hard to find.
/r/seduction28/07/20 10:45 AM
3

That's a complex issue. First issue is being in Japan, where there's a lot more superficiality and importance put on appearances. If a woman has a pretty face and isn't fat, she gets tons of attention from guys and can coast through life, so there's no incentive for her to get fit or develop a personality. The women who do get fit and develop personalities are doing it to make up for having average/ugly faces. The ones who overlap are extremely rare and never single. Second issue is the type of …
/r/seduction28/07/20 05:06 AM
8

Exactly. Instagram is just making this phenomenon way worse.
/r/seduction28/07/20 03:28 AM
16

you might just be boring outside of spitting game. which is a lot of people’s issue. get hobbies, have passion for things, educate yourself. That's the disconnect. Hot women like clubbing and a bunch of other lowest-common-denominator "fun" shit. I've got a mix of challenging hobbies, athletic hobbies, indoor geek hobbies, creative hobbies, passions for things, a BA in foreign languages and an MA in teaching a foreign language, I'm constantly teaching myself how to do new things, and yet I am th…
/r/seduction28/07/20 02:21 AM
7

It feels weird because it's cloak and dagger shit. Unnecessary cloak and dagger shit.
/r/seduction22/07/20 01:01 AM
2

My passion gives too much away.....
/r/seduction20/07/20 08:18 AM
2

You just need to recognize that less is more and learn to develop a filter. First hand experience here, intelligence makes us put a huge filter on because we're cognizant of everyone around us. So first we have to learn to get rid of that filter. Then the problem is, since we're more nerdy, the only stuff we have to release now that we have no filter is nerdy shit that's not entertaining to a woman. So now we have to put the filter back on, and now we have nothing to say at all. So I focus on he…
/r/seduction20/07/20 08:17 AM
1

Reality of the game is only 25% of what bothers me. The 75% that does bother me is all the shit that's wrong with the world in general, just trying to survive and pay the bills.
/r/seduction20/07/20 07:58 AM
1

Just watch more movies and/or tv shows. My least favorite thing to do :/ I prefer doing things otherwise I get bored from lack of stimulation.
/r/seduction19/07/20 01:14 PM
1

Following. I've got Clue and Monopoly, which suck with just two people. Cards Against Humanity is doable, but I live in a foreign country so, even if the date is fluent in English (half of mine aren't), they won't get most of the jokes because of the cultural nuances. My VR setup intrigues a couple girls, but my games are limited and they aren't something we can do together. I need more ideas.
/r/seduction18/07/20 03:44 AM
1

That might explain it, I'm not a creative person. I'll have one pop up occasionally, but 95% of the time I got nothing.
/r/seduction17/07/20 04:18 AM
1

I mean the actual creation of the double entendre in your mind, not the unleashing of it. Even when I remove my filter I have little in my mind to actually say.
/r/seduction17/07/20 04:00 AM
1

How do you come up with this stuff? I've been trying to get better at double entendres but can't do anything other than memorize other people's lines.
/r/seduction17/07/20 03:49 AM
6

Asking her about herself. Anything she asks u she wants u to ask her. That's not sexual, though. That's socializing 101.
/r/seduction17/07/20 03:47 AM
5

Your prime comes in your 30s bro. I still have all my struggles, but at 32 I'm getting more attention from women than I ever did in the entire decade spanning from 20 to 29.
/r/seduction16/07/20 05:18 AM
24

Low self-esteem is the killer, even for non-incels. The entire "who gives a fuck" and "DGAF" attitude is wholly dependent on having self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem then it will be impossible to have that vital DGAF attitude. Therefore the only way to truly do what OP suggests is to fix the self-esteem problem, which in itself is extremely difficult to do. I mean. I lift 3x a week, work a stable career, keep my apartment clean, pursue my hobbies and passions, go on dates that are in gene…
/r/seduction16/07/20 04:58 AM
1

Irritable Bowel Disease. The entirety of my intestinal tract is chronically inflamed, causing malabsorption of nutrients. Particularly protein.
/r/seduction15/07/20 01:37 PM
1

Tinder works through pure visuals. If you're ripped and have a solid bio with a solid IG, you're golden. If you're not ripped you'll get nada, even with a good bio and IG. Looking at your pics, you have good muscle mass, and that's 75% of what makes your Tinder successful.
/r/seduction15/07/20 03:24 AM
3

32, but using it in Japan. All the Western or Westernized chicks on it (few) ask for Instagram, and a large chunk of the Japanese user base doesn't seem to understand the app is for meeting. The ones that do, think it's for making friends or serious relationships and want to text for a week or two before meeting. The few women who are down to meet ASAP are either super naive or DTF. It's really bizarre here.
/r/seduction15/07/20 01:23 AM
1

Are you able to think: "what a beatiful girl/car/beach/etc...." in a spontaneous way? If so, just say it. If the girl/car/beach/etc. is exceptional compared to what I see every day, yes. Exceptional is rare. Me too, I meant this: Okay I guess I'll just ask direct questions like an interview then.
/r/seduction15/07/20 01:21 AM
1

Gotcha. I've been stuck at 125 my entire life and even with workouts I struggled to get up to 128. I look a hell of a lot better, but I'm still skinnier than I want to be. IBD robs me of a lot of nutrients and protein from my diet, and trying the caloric surplus stuff just make me sick and actually sent me to the ER once.
/r/seduction14/07/20 01:27 PM
1

Ah so you already started with the "bulk" then turned that into the 20lbs of muscle?
/r/seduction14/07/20 01:02 PM
13

Run Instagram alongside Tinder. This is the one thing I take issue with in today's SNS-focused dating. I'm trying to "live my best life" (as much as I hate that phrase), and if I'm enjoying my life then I'm too busy to waste time posting about it on some superficial platform for imaginary points that mean jack shit.
/r/seduction14/07/20 01:00 PM
5

I'm trying to get that extra 20lbs lean muscle myself. What was your diet like?
/r/seduction14/07/20 12:39 PM
9

Yeah that's suspect. Just thinking of myself at 5'9" and clinging to what muscle I have at 128lbs....that would be an insane amount of muscle mass.
/r/seduction14/07/20 11:47 AM
1

having a linear-concrete mind doesn't mean you can't be spontaneous. It makes being random quite difficult. When I try to be random I still end up in a repetitive pattern. In general I'm not a spontaneous person at all. by simply talking to them and listening or asking questions. based on what they said, you can draw a picture of them. I meant this: For example, how do you ask if someone is family oriented without straight-up asking, "Are you family oriented?"
/r/seduction14/07/20 09:39 AM
1

Hmm some of that has some truth to it. I know the most successful guys here in Japan give zero fucks about the customs and traditions and get laid a lot, but they also get horrible reputations among the locals. They're usually only here for a couple years so reputation means nothing to them. I'm a lifer with a relatively high-profile job so I can't be smashing my way through things like that. Not sure where the balance is.
/r/seduction14/07/20 05:53 AM
2

I'm looking for guides on the finer details or techniques. Namely: Be a little random and spontaneous. How does one become random and spontaneous, particularly if you have a linear-concrete mind? Is she family oriented? is she adventurous? is she funny/fun? whatever you look for. Screen the girl for them. How do you screen them? For example, how do you ask if someone is family oriented without straight-up asking, "Are you family oriented?"
/r/seduction14/07/20 03:37 AM
1

I should cut myself more slack. It's just really hard to do that. Beyond putting pressure on myself, society puts pressure on me (or us) as well. Having a muscular build is objectively attractive, and it attracts the fit, weight-lifting women I want to date. UC is impeding my ability to date those women just as it's impeding my own inherent desire to look better. I can live in a way that I feel is fair and just, but those who do good are always getting fucked over by the world. Etc., etc.
/r/seduction14/07/20 03:10 AM
1

Do you go for kiss on first date? I always intend to, but Japanese women are unreasonably shy about PDA and kissing in public, so that doesn't happen until I get her isolated somewhere. Do you try to take them home? If we meet somewhere near my place, yes. Have you slept with these girls before they ended it? It's happened a couple times. When I was younger it was because I did something stupid, like acting really cold the next morning when she was still swooning a bit. Recently it's been a mix …
/r/seduction14/07/20 02:02 AM
9

The hard part is getting through those first four or five times where your subconscious makes you think you will be attacked or killed. It took me 3 years of daily teaching to get over anxiety of speaking in front of the class. The thought of 3 years of daily approaching before being able to do it well sounds....demotivating. The former at least has sheer fear of losing your job and becoming homeless to motivate you to push through it.
/r/seduction13/07/20 04:06 PM
1

Fulfillment for me has always been fleeting. All of my passions and things I enjoy doing give me fulfillment for about 12~24 hours, then it fades. The things in general that burn me out are: Rampant injustice and unfairness in society and the world My ulcerative colitis impeding my gains in the gym and thus impeding my path to a more attractive self My difficulty directing conversation and constant hesitation and/or restraint caused by decades of social conditioning that's so fossilized I have t…
/r/seduction13/07/20 02:40 PM
1

I go to the gym 3x a week, work on creative hobbies almost daily, escape with some VR games a couple times a week, cook as much as I can at home. Keep my place clean in case I ever bring a date home (rare). What else is there? I have so much positivity around me yet I still feel negative.
/r/seduction13/07/20 12:47 PM
1

I don't feel I'm below them. I feel I have more interesting and fulfilling hobbies than most, I feel my career contributes more to society than most people's does, and I know for a fact I can lick her clit into the 4th dimension. They see me as low-value because: I'm not ripped like a fuckin' Abercrombie model I'm not good at flirting/sexualizing conversation I have moments where my mind goes blank and I can't take the lead or make a decision even when I want to I'm not an extrovert who likes sp…
/r/seduction13/07/20 12:26 PM
2

I've tried this approach and I'm still struggling with it. When I cut myself off from negative surroundings, I start off feeling happy and in high spirits. The one thing I can't cut myself off from is reality, and reality is more often than not negative. Sure I'll have successes and try to build off those successes, but the high of that success quickly fades and goes back to reality.
/r/seduction13/07/20 07:06 AM
1

Good comparison in theory, but muscle memory is entirely different than the mental gymnastics used in approach.
/r/seduction13/07/20 07:03 AM
1

I already told you many of those behavior changes you listed don't apply to me because I'm already not doing those "bad" things you listed. So what exactly is there left to change? The only two things I can practicably work on are leadership and decisiveness, which is extremely difficult for me at times.
/r/seduction13/07/20 06:58 AM
1

Either the Japanese culture is literally so against saying g no that girls will go on dates with guys they aren’t interested in at all to be polite which don’t make sense cuz they don’t agree to go on. That literally does happen. A lot. Do some research on the concept of honne and tatemae. There's this myth that "women are the same everywhere" that's perpetuated by the PUA community. It's only partially true. There will be cultural differences that change how the game is played. Some of it can b…
/r/seduction09/07/20 03:39 AM
1

I'm not making excuses, I'm stating straight facts from my experience to counter your assumptions. There are also some straw men fallacies in your responses, such as the "chivalry" thing and comments about buying them shit and offering things, again coming from your assumptions. I don't do that crap. I don't pay for the dates. You're incorrectly assuming I have the "nice guy" personality. You're not reading any of what I wrote, or you're biased into thinking it fits into your "if you aren't havi…
/r/seduction07/07/20 07:37 AM
1

They are definitely losing attraction for you but it’s not your personality. If it were your personality you wouldn’t get the decent ones either. That's not true. The decent ones have hobbies/interests/values/humor closer to mine than the fit attractive women do. If I make a humorous comment, the fit women I've been out with don't find it funny while the decent ones do, etc. With a fit woman our only common ground is typically fitness. With a plain woman fitness may be among our only differences…
/r/seduction07/07/20 06:01 AM
1

Of the 14 women I've hooked up with three have been fit and hot. Two disappeared after the hookup. One stuck around for a couple years until I realized she was a narcissist using me for stability. I've had dates with a few more that lead nowhere, so I obviously have enough physical attractiveness to catch their eye. I just don't connect with them personality-wise because I'm so different than they are and the things that interest me and make me laugh are so different than what interests them and…
/r/seduction07/07/20 03:41 AM
1

That's the catch though. The women I'm attracted to are not attracted to the type of energy I have. It's not so much my behavior as much as my fundamental personality.
/r/seduction06/07/20 03:23 AM
1

There 100% is a personality/energy mismatch in my experience so far. The fit chicks are the type who like to socialize 4 times a week, are expressive, "bubbly," and reactive. They're high-energy. I'm the type of person who likes to socialize once--maybe twice--a week, is stoic and not very expressive, and nonreactive. I'm calm and low-energy. This was a sticking point with my last ex. We worked out together and were okay, but she had a constant need for socialization, talking, laughing, EDC/Ultr…
/r/seduction06/07/20 01:54 AM
1

Are you providing her with good feelings fun and sex? The boring chicks, yes. The fit chicks that I prefer just never seem to match personality wise so, assuming we get to the sex part, the only thing I can provide is the sex. Gets a bit frustrating only being "good enough" for the women who aren't your type. (And yes I lift, that's not where the mismatch happens).
/r/seduction04/07/20 04:46 AM
3

There's a Venn diagram here. Your presence with her still provides something. Fun, humor, oral, dick, etc.
/r/seduction03/07/20 06:25 AM
1

These "crutches" are called scaffolding in the teaching world, and without them you wouldn't have learned anything in school.
/r/seduction03/07/20 05:23 AM
2

This has been my go-to as well, but here in Japan I'm constantly getting ghosted because I didn't frequently check in the 7~14 days between setting up the logistics and the day before the date. I managed to talk to a couple girls about it and they all said, "if the guy doesn't text after setting the date we assume he's not going to show up."
/r/seduction03/07/20 05:22 AM
1

They usually cut ties with me if I don't kiss/bang them on the first date lol
/r/seduction01/07/20 09:27 AM
1

This is a refreshing twist on FORD. I got so damn tired of the same repetitive FORD conversations every single time I went to a bar I gave up on night game completely. I'll have to try wording things differently like this.
/r/seduction01/07/20 07:10 AM
1

What if your the type of person who doesn't naturally get enthusiastic about things outside of their interests/hobbies? I've typically tried the enthusiasm approach but faking it tends to tire me out if I don't take a lengthy break between encounters.
/r/seduction29/06/20 03:41 AM
10

This. A childhood of nonexistent self-esteem and relative social isolation with hardly any physical affection will fuck you up in later life.
/r/seduction23/06/20 04:47 AM
2

Thanks man, a lot of that makes sense. Though it won't be easy. I grew up with daily "don't do that be careful" bullshit, K-12 getting picked on for my passions, only getting attention when I fucked up, savage rejection from my first crush in college, and being treated like dirt by arrogant managers who expected me to do a job without training or prior experience. Guess that fucked me up more than it "built" me.
/r/seduction16/06/20 06:13 AM
4

Disconnecing thoughts from identity is what I don't get. I don't connect my thoughts to my identity anyway. My identity is my face, my name, my job, my hobbies, my passions.
/r/seduction16/06/20 03:08 AM
28

Your brain (because it hates you) How do you get your brain to stop hating you? That's the fundamental thing keeping me from truly being able to "try not trying" on a regular basis. I can do it for short bursts, but everything always returns to the status quo.
/r/seduction16/06/20 02:24 AM
0

Mine aren't good either. Nerd-hobby focused. I've tried the IDGAF approach and gave them out anyway, and of course the girl's attitude did a 180 once she saw my IG content.
/r/seduction16/06/20 02:18 AM
4

I was going to say "when she agrees to go home with you/isolate with you," but ultimately that's an indicator of her comfort with you. All this other stuff about kino and kissing isn't sure-fire, especially here in Japan where girls are too shy and slut-shamed to reciprocate any kino and get fidgety even talking about PDA.
/r/seduction16/06/20 02:17 AM
1

That doesn't work too well when there's a global pandemic and quarantine going on....
/r/seduction16/06/20 01:27 AM
1

I always talk to them like I know we gonna fuck later on. I can't get that technique to work for me. Over quarantine I was juggling 6 girls over text and we had really good "we're gonna fuck later" vibes, then when quarantine lifted and I actually asked them out they all disappeared on me.
/r/seduction16/06/20 12:04 AM
0

Have you noticed more reliance on social media like FB and IG for communication instead of numbers or messaging apps? I'm still doing OLD until the 2nd 'Rona wave passes, and despite living in a country where a free messenger app is the norm used by 99.8% of the population, I'm finding girls asking for IG more often than not. As if they're looking for digital proof of sociability or something. Like a twisted background check of superficiality where they're expecting to see a man-bun wearing "adv…
/r/seduction15/06/20 11:55 PM
13

Be attractive Don't be unnattractive. If the girl doesn't find you attractive and you say "nice legs" you'll be seen as a creep.
/r/seduction15/06/20 11:51 PM
7

"You're hot" or "nice legs" Don't forget about Rules 1 and 2.
/r/seduction15/06/20 11:36 PM
2

Nice. Wish I could pull this off in Tokyo. Everyone is so cold and scared of strangers the moment you approach someone outside of a bar/club/alcohol context you freak them out.
/r/seduction15/06/20 03:33 AM
1

The caloric intake is the trouble for me. I've tried bulking three times. The first time I ended up in the ER with severe GERD because of it, and the other two times I just felt sick and miserable like I was going to puke every damn day. Now I just eat until I'm satisfactorily full, but IBD causes protein malabsorption so even if I hit my protein goals, my body isn't actually getting that protein, and I can't increase the food/protein amount without circling back to making myself feeling like a …
/r/seduction15/06/20 01:40 AM
2

Lifting weights but genetically limited by ectomorph genetics and IBD, which is quite soul crushing. Also, I couldn't help but notice that blonde chick was a straight up bitch. What kind of vapid asshat would get mad at someone holding a door open and offering you to go in first?
/r/seduction13/06/20 05:58 AM
5

Yay I'm high social status! Within my male-dominated nerd group. Fuck. Guess I better find a more attractive social circle.
/r/seduction09/06/20 01:02 PM
2

One can't happen without the other. The spark is discovered through the superficial characteristics, and with the right person that spark becomes a campfire over time as you go deeper. I see people who are able to form that spark and initial connection through common "mainstream" (for a lack of a better term) interests with half or more of the people they meet. That increases their chances of finding someone that allows that spark to develop into a fire. They're able to cast a wider net, and the…
/r/seduction08/06/20 07:56 AM
1

The hard part there is finding someone who does something like that that I can take an interest in. The vast majority of people I meet don't. For guys, it's the typical drinking. For girls it's the typical food and Netflix. It's absurdly difficult to find people who do interesting things in my region. Perhaps they're just too busy doing those things to spend any time out at social places.
/r/seduction08/06/20 07:49 AM
2

The problem isn't that I have trouble talking to people, it's that I have trouble with connecting with people because I don't have that "about one common interest" with someone. Yeah I go to the gym, but I'm not interested in the gym enough to have a conversation longer than 30 seconds on it. The things 99% of people talk about are: food drink travel local gossip celebrity gossip TV shows movies music And that's about it. Yeah I do a few of those things, but they're not interests. They're things…
/r/seduction08/06/20 06:33 AM
0

A summary that's lacking explication of what it's summarizing. A lot like the majority of posts on this sub.
/r/seduction23/05/20 09:38 AM
1

I particularly struggle with these: Detachment I always expect an outcome. Not that I'm going to get laid, or make the girl like me, but that I will succeed at something. Even if it's just a small thing like getting a hand hold or a kiss. I put pressure on myself to succeed. Be Mysterious I sometimes divulge too much to avoid silence, and after I nut I have a bad habit of being a chatterbox. The former I've been working on, the latter I can't seem to hold back. Take Risk vs Play It Safe Spent my…
/r/seduction22/05/20 02:28 PM
1

Yes. I dated a girl for three years and really wasn't all that social outside of work and a couple of my hobby buddies. When we broke up and I got back into dating, it took 8+ months of seeing one date per week to get my social skills back, and I'm still trying to push through some hangups about making a move when on a date.
/r/seduction22/05/20 02:25 PM
2

I really need to steal those two lines of yours. When I'm in the moment I can rarely, if ever, come up with something like that because my brain can't multitask between making witty responses like that and actively listening to conversation.
/r/seduction22/05/20 02:21 PM
1

Acknowledged, but "in real life" meeting has its bullshit too. On top of having to entertain two or three girls simultaneously just to get one, while also competing against three other guys butting into your space and trying to talk over you, there's no profile info or silly pictures to make for good conversation starters and you can't maintain their attention for longer than 30 seconds anyway.
/r/seduction19/05/20 05:45 AM
1

But also don't be skinny. I'm very slim and get pretty much nowhere with American women.
/r/seduction16/05/20 10:00 AM
1

But the question is, how much does big or small matter when compared to general balance or attractiveness?
/r/seduction16/05/20 08:47 AM
2

It amazes me people think x lbs is big/small. I've seen people who look big at 150 and I've seen people who look small at 150.
/r/seduction16/05/20 08:36 AM
3

It's all about attitude. I once met a 5'5" guy who could pull from the club with ease. He was confident and maybe slightly cocky. He was also built.....and also a Navy pilot......so that may or may not have helped a little too....
/r/seduction16/05/20 08:06 AM
14

Working out takes just as much if not more money than dressing well. Dressing well also doesn't mean "high end." 90% of my wardrobe is Uniqlo or other similar fast fashion and it gets the job done. Hell even my watch was only $150 and it gets endless compliments because people assume it was an $800 watch.
/r/seduction16/05/20 03:47 AM
1

Assuming my genetics play nice I'll be 40 by the time I get them with consistent gym work, considering I'm 32 with IBD and skinny genetics that does not help with muscle growth at all....
/r/seduction13/05/20 03:00 AM
4

When you are sitting next to her sit closer to her so that your legs are touching. Have your hand on your leg (the leg that is touching her leg) and then slowly move the hand over to her. Leg. When you can feel that she is comfortable with that you can just put your arm around her. And now you are basically in a position where you are talking to each your legs are touching each other, your arm is around her, I'm at that part, but... and your faces are pretty fucking close. ...they aren't. There'…
/r/seduction12/05/20 02:11 PM
4

Tinder/Bumble. My text flirting has gone off the charts, but on the rare occasion I meet up with a chick at her place or mine my flirting is absolute shit.
/r/seduction12/05/20 01:46 PM
16

Got any similar tips for making a move when you're both sitting on a sofa having conversation? Everything's going great, I could easily just pull her in to go for the kiss, but something seems missing. I don't know if it's a lack of escalation ladder, or the awkwardness of suddenly pulling her in for the kiss mid-conversation, or what. And it fucks me up with almost every single date I go on. That and memories of going for kisses and being rejected despite seeing signs that she was into me....
/r/seduction12/05/20 01:43 PM
1

You have four successful photos accumulated over time, the average girl who spends time posing in front of her camera can crank triple that daily. That same girl probably does nothing with her life and isn't worth investing your time in, though.
/r/seduction12/05/20 01:19 PM
6

Research how to 'squinch' Just researched. That's an extremely convoluted way to give a genuine smile / "smile with your eyes." Not sure why people have to overcomplicate such things....
/r/seduction10/05/20 06:57 AM
2

Which circles back to what I said about being candid and natural, or appearing to be natural.
/r/seduction10/05/20 06:54 AM
1

I think this totally depends on the girl. I've had it go both ways. I've had girls chase when the sex was meh, I've had them vanish when the sex was great. And of course the opposite is true as well.
/r/seduction10/05/20 05:37 AM
5

How to Pose for Photos Ideally: Don't. Pictures shouldn't be posed, they should be candid and natural. The problem with candid photos is they're typically taken on potato cameras in low light. I've got a decently successful Tinder profile and my four most liked pictures are: Sitting in a nice well-lit restaurant, arms cross, looking about 30° left out a window, neutral expression. I was just naturally doing it when my ex at the time said "HOLD THAT" and took a picture. Sporting event with some g…
/r/seduction10/05/20 05:34 AM
4

After going through his videos I realised I'm more of the kinesthetic style personality like Keanu Reeves, but I lack the wit and eloquence. That explains why I'm constantly doing things and finding it so hard to connect with people who binge-watch Netflix and really don't do much with their life. So, what I need to focus on is my wit. I'm so busy with my hobbies that I hardly have time to sit and do passive entertainment like movies/dramas/books/standup where people absorb all the material they…
/r/seduction10/05/20 05:00 AM
31

Holy shit this entire video cleared up a lot of confusion I had about general flirting and why I feel so awkward about giving compliments.
/r/seduction09/05/20 09:49 AM
1

Could be both. Though if I put myself into the perspective of a stranger, I always assess myself as being the wierd/low value person.
/r/seduction09/05/20 09:41 AM
1

nobody really cares that much about one random interaction in thier day. Everyone uses this as their logic for approaching, but I'm one of those people who does remember/care about a random interaction in my day, and sometimes remember it for weeks, months, or years. This makes cold approaching a huge stumbling block because, for me, the premise that no one cares is completely false and thus invalidates the reasoning that's supposed to motivate me to do it.
/r/seduction09/05/20 02:56 AM
1

I had a couple dates planned before lockdown hit. Lockdown canceled those. Then online dating went through the roof and I was juggling about 20 women, maybe 6 looked like solid date plans after lockdown with 3 giving off hookup vibes....one vanished and now I'm down to 2 or 3 possible leads. In the midst of that I met one woman in the neighborhood and we hooked up three times now. She keeps coming back for more. At the moment I don't know what to do after lockdown. The overall chemistry I have w…
/r/seduction09/05/20 02:53 AM
1

Yep. Staying in with the current state of emergency.
/r/seduction05/05/20 02:49 PM
3

Without liquid courage, yes. "But you'll never see them again and no one will ever remember you." Yeah, I remember that guy/girl doing that thing from years ago. I notice and remember all the shit that people say "no one notices," or "no one remembers," which fucks me up when it comes to approaching.
/r/seduction03/05/20 09:44 AM
1

"Be fun, interesting, and good in bed" is deceptively simple. It is that simple, but it's also dependent on the chemistry between you and the girl. Your personal brand of "fun" will work with some women and not with others. Your personal brand of "interesting" will also work with some women and not with others. And no matter how good you are in bed, the sex can still suck because your partner wasn't good in bed. My philosophy is this: In the same way that you should maintain your pace as a woman…
/r/seduction03/05/20 05:06 AM
1

Learned that adding value that is specific to the individual is way more powerful than demonstrating my own value. Can you expound on that bit a little more?
/r/seduction03/05/20 04:58 AM
2

Key words "going for it," not actually getting the kiss. I've had quite a few instances where things were comfortable, enjoyable, and there was touching back and forth, and when I went for a kiss it was rejected.
/r/seduction29/04/20 12:52 PM
8

which makes her think shes special and that you, the guy are replaceable so she doesn't have to put in effort. Seems to be worse with Western women. The disparity between my matches and actual dates with Asians versus with other foreign women on Tinder in Japan is astounding. I've been on quite a few dates with very attractive Japanese women, but modestly above average white women will immediately unmatch me before I can even message them.
/r/seduction28/04/20 02:13 AM
11

#3 is the hardest part as men. Communication in my life has always been about getting shit done: logical, linear, straight to the point. As you can imagine, that doesn't work well with women. It takes months for me to create a line like "I just stole this guy’s phone and saw that you matched with him on Tinder. You’re pretty cute. Want to buy a phone."
/r/seduction28/04/20 02:09 AM
2

And I'm reaping the benefits of this now. Our style and intensity of passion just matched 1:1. Her body reactions weren't the easiest to read, but I figured them out and she won't stop asking me where I learned how to eat pussy so good and she was dumbfounded that I was able to find her sensitive spots without being explicitly told where they were. It was so good she's texting me every other day now.
/r/seduction24/04/20 02:36 AM
5

If a man can make a woman cum multiple times, she will feel powerless to him. Basically this comes down to way more than just dick: How well you vibe with the girl, in and out of the sack (but obviously more in the sack) How well you foreplay (kissing, licking, caressing) How well you fuck (which comes down to reading what feels good to her, and acting on it correctly) If those three conditions aren't met, she's going to ghost you after the bang.
/r/seduction22/04/20 01:57 PM
1

Can be a double-edged sword. Certain aspects of self-improvement in my life are motivated by wanting validation from women, so it ends up being circular.
/r/seduction15/04/20 03:26 PM
1

Been there done that, multiple times.
/r/seduction12/04/20 04:01 PM
1

Did you keep a journal so that you could have "access" to those memories? I have lots of experiences, but none of those memories are "on demand," so I can't just pull them out spontaneously during conversation. Even now trying to think of a story or experience I had I can't recall anything. But the moment someone says a "trigger word" linked to memory of an experience, it'll come back to me :/
/r/seduction11/04/20 09:30 AM
22

Cohabitation tends to kill sex drive. Ask me how I know.
/r/seduction11/04/20 09:25 AM
3

0. Have content This is the part I struggle with, and no one seems to say anything about. Note, this is not filtering or overthinking, this is just literally not having anything to say at that moment; except maybe a logical follow-up question or generic response to whatever was said. Where does the content come from, and how to you cultivate it?
/r/seduction09/04/20 06:14 AM
2

It's happened to me in the past year in the sense that more women are attracted to me. Then they lose their attraction when I can't have fun conversation with them :/ I'm calm, quiet, have many hobbies and interests but all of them niche, so I can't connect with anybody. Between all my niche hobbies and work, I don't have time for things like pop culture, Netflix, etc. that I honestly don't have any interest in anyway, so there's very little common ground for me to talk and joke about. I try to …
/r/seduction08/04/20 06:45 AM
1

Yeah your broad-stroked brush totally missed the girl I was talking about. Relationship ended for other reasons.
/r/seduction08/04/20 05:32 AM
2

might not be interested in going to where she's been... Oh god that type. Wasted so much time with that exhausting bullshit. First gotta figure out where she's been so you can avoid there, then when you take her to the new places and you're out of new places, she complains about being bored and then shoots down every fucking suggestion with "I've been there." If the venue is more important than you then she's not worth the trouble.
/r/seduction04/04/20 05:43 AM
2

Hang out with her and her guy friend(s); and sometimes hang out wth just her guy friend(s). My last ex was an EDM freak who loved raves and had lots of guy friends. I was not an EDM freak or even a club goer, and the whole situation made me really insecure and jealous at first. Then I hung out with her and groups of her friends, saw how she acted with them vs. how she acted with me. That helped a little. Then got to know her guy friends and was on pretty good terms with them.
/r/seduction04/04/20 04:18 AM
1

Having been there myself, it's more lack of emotional connection than "human nature." We get sick of the 10s because they have no personality and are typically self-centered.
/r/seduction04/04/20 02:46 AM
2

I checked it out....no one in the group even lives in Tokyo or has much experience with Japanese women, and if anyone asks for advice they just get referred to a paid-for coach/pua personality/influencer. Typical shilling like every other community.
/r/seduction04/04/20 02:15 AM
1

I can visualize fine. The amount of detail in my visualizations varies quite a bit, though.
/r/seduction27/03/20 03:07 PM
1

That could. At least on the "fake it til you make it" approach via mirroring. I could read what she's feeling, and mirror it, although I don't actually feel it myself.
/r/seduction27/03/20 07:02 AM
15

Part of the art of story telling is tapping into and feeling that emotion again, so I'm trying to start with that. Just don't know how. You know how people might remember a fond memory from the past, and it will make them smile? That doesn't really happen to me. My brain just goes, "Oh yeah that was nice" while my resting-bitch-face remains.
/r/seduction27/03/20 02:24 AM
89

Be emotional rather than factual This is one that I'm continually working on and have the most trouble with. I've discovered that my memory disconnects emotions: I recall the memory, but the memory is just facts, maybe including the fact that I felt a certain emotion, but I am unable to feel that emotion again simply through the memory. Therefore I'm unable to communicate and share that emotion. As you can imagine, that's a big show-stopper for story-telling and just connecting with people in ge…
/r/seduction27/03/20 01:40 AM
1

I saw no opinions, only personal attacks. It's also my right, and yours, to disregard others' opinions. They are opinions. Not facts.
/r/seduction26/03/20 02:50 PM
3

Basically, everything about yourself you can't see or understand that you think is either "okay as is" or unimportant. And this is the hardest part about the whole thing. Because you cannot see or understand how you come across to other people, and because your own thoughts when you look in the mirror can be biased, it takes a lot of time and effort to get that fashion and that frame.
/r/seduction26/03/20 03:29 AM
1

Just another feminist troll on the sub.
/r/seduction26/03/20 03:18 AM
1

Unless they live together and spend literally every day together, a boyfriend/girlfriend does not keep someone from meeting other people.
/r/seduction26/03/20 01:00 AM
2

That and I was probably the last guy on her contact list after all her other leads fell through for the night.
/r/seduction26/03/20 12:59 AM
3

She has fuck buddies she tells me about. She meets them after work at like midnight. I'm never available that late.
/r/seduction25/03/20 11:47 PM
2

I know there are other guys. Guys that fit her schedule better than me, because she works freelance until late at night and only hooks up with people past midnight.
/r/seduction25/03/20 11:46 PM
1

Not really committed. She'll text me like once a week and I just reply. That's it.
/r/seduction25/03/20 11:44 PM
2

Exactly. No technique necessary.
/r/seduction25/03/20 03:11 PM
1

I find the hardest part about just being OK with where I am now, is not being OK with where I am now. I'm not as fun of a person as I'd like to be when I interact with people. My interests are too narrow, I don't find interest in or feel any relation to things most people talk about, and most people can't feel any relation to the things I'm interested in either, so I have to rely on activities to have fun when I'm with people. Chatting over drinks is awful for me unless I really click with someo…
/r/seduction23/03/20 09:00 AM
9

Rules 1 and 2, man.
/r/seduction23/03/20 08:41 AM
6

I've been seeing that too. And just trolls in general. Some wanker expat subreddit crossposted two of my posts (because I'm also an expat in the same country) to their circlejerk sub so they could level personal attacks while sitting in their underwear in front of a greasy computer keyboard surrounded by empty Dorito bags and cans of Strong Zero, instead of going out and doing something with their lives.
/r/seduction23/03/20 08:40 AM
2

I did read the post, and the video game reference, but nowhere did you say that a man who doesn't worship them is a challenge to them. The only clear action you mentioned was: This "boss" she's up against will delete her number if she flaked on him once. Which is a solid rejection that doesn't give her a chance to put more effort in and get his attention, unless he has such massive value to her that she's dead-set on pursuing him. That's the nuclear option here. I'm looking for non-nuclear ways …
/r/seduction23/03/20 08:30 AM
1

Wouldn't you agree that telling someone straight up that you want to see them again, and that you're free next Saturday, is different from blowing up someone's phone? Yes, I agree, but I've been exposed so long to a dating culture where saying "I'm free next Saturday" the day after we just had a date is often considered "needy" purely because of the timing of the message. Not the content or how I say it, but the timing. It isn't needy as long as you don't blow up their phone? People have lives, …
/r/seduction23/03/20 07:22 AM
3

There have been hundreds of articles saying you need to "be a challenge to a woman." But this advice is useless without an explanation of how to be a challenge to a woman. Sure there's showing less investment and having her chase you. But why is she chasing you? It's not simply because you're investing less. There's something else she wants, but I have not been able to find what that something else is, and advice like this fails to explain what it is.
/r/seduction23/03/20 04:23 AM
1

Finally, the answer to neediness isn't acting disinterested/withholding any expression of interest. That's just another manifestation of neediness. Instead, enforce your boundaries. Witholding interest to not come off as needy is enforcing a boundary on yourself, though. If you don't withold it, the majority of women will be turned off and drop you, and the few that are okay with it are themselves needy and clingy. Been there, done that, don't want those kinds of relationships. There's a certain…
/r/seduction23/03/20 03:39 AM
1

As an introvert it is already way too easy for me to get stuck in my own head, so I go with self-amusement. Which results in a lot of duds because, like you say, it stops at a certain point. My successes have been where I combine self-amusement with methods, but in such a way that the methods become part of my self-amusement. I still get stuck in my head about methods, like "how should I get her closer to me so I can escalate," but the more I do them and the more I enjoy the interaction and her …
/r/seduction23/03/20 03:18 AM
2

Wasn't this posted three weeks ago?
/r/seduction23/03/20 03:07 AM
2

This assumes that waiting a week is "playing games." Some people are naturally too needy, and are trying to control themselves to have more healthy social behavior, so they wait. Some people are naturally aloof and just don't text much. Some people are busy and won't know when they can schedule something until some time later. Some people are playing games. For me personally, I fall under a mix of 1, 2, and sometimes 3, with 2 being my default state unless I'm dealing with a mild case of oneitis…
/r/seduction23/03/20 03:01 AM
3

Where's the line between "low level of investment" and "too little investment?" After a date or a hookup, there'll be the night-of or morning-after text where we talk about meeting up again. Then I go "low level" and text a week later to set something up, or just to check in if I'm too busy to set something up, and I get no response. Sometimes even straight up blocked some time between the day after and the day I texted.
/r/seduction23/03/20 01:12 AM
3

Reality is, some girls will be super cold with you and then they will be the sweetest relationships you had. Some girls will be sweet and kind and then they will turn out to be cold and using you for your attention. This. More often than not I end up with the latter.
/r/seduction23/03/20 01:08 AM
1

If you ever come to Tokyo :p
/r/seduction20/03/20 09:31 AM
1

People who aren't in the military actually make their beds?
/r/seduction18/03/20 10:18 AM
2

A picture taken by someone else is more valuable than a selfie. A selfi suggests you have no friends, or at least no friends there to take a picture of you. A picture taken of you at some social event, preferably, to show that you're active and interesting. If not a social event, a picture of you at least doing something, even if it's just chilling in a cozy cafe. Don't look at the camera. Looking a bit off to the side, looking out a window or watching something, seems to be more attractive--at …
/r/seduction17/03/20 09:15 AM
1

Understood. Apologies.
/r/seduction17/03/20 07:49 AM
1

No, northern hemisphere.
/r/seduction17/03/20 06:16 AM
1

Oof that sucks.
/r/seduction16/03/20 03:47 AM
0

Right, because social skills are exactly the same for everyone. And they're exactly the same as working out. I'm an introvert. Socializing does not come naturally to me. Any time I go a week or so without, I get rusty and awkward.
/r/seduction16/03/20 03:46 AM
0

Two steps forward, one step back. Every day I stay at home the further my social skills regress.
/r/seduction16/03/20 03:12 AM
1

Low-key hoping there will be fewer guys in the bars. Less competition. But also considering women are more emotional thinkers and thus more susceptible to media clickbait, reality is the bars will probably be sausage fests.
/r/seduction16/03/20 02:12 AM
0

Only if personality makes up for it. I hooked up with an older woman who still had a little post-baby flab and she was a little below my standards, but she had a fun, interesting personality. The thing I remember more than her looks was her aggressiveness in bed. Now if she had a boring personality, hell no. And that goes for even 8-10s with me. Been there done that, they either just starfished or were way too vanilla in bed to be worth the trouble.
/r/seduction16/03/20 01:43 AM
1

It's a skill. Skills require hands-on learning.
/r/seduction16/03/20 01:23 AM
10

When a woman looks at me after I've licked her so good her soul has left her body.
/r/seduction13/03/20 04:50 AM
1

Yeah, definitely seeing the differences in those gifts. I'm really good at technical skills but not good at using those skills to express something.
/r/seduction12/03/20 05:49 AM
1

Oh boy, I'm gonna need to dig deep to find those stories. I've had lots of experiences in my life, but I have mostly forgotten them because my memory prioritizes technical knowledge and skills over experiences :/
/r/seduction12/03/20 05:48 AM
1

It's something I want to change. And considering that I'm marginally better than I used to be I have potential to change, I just don't know how. You mentioned being more poetic, so the logical conclusion is to read more, but I honestly despise reading unless it's skimming for information I need. Usually when I do read, the wording of the text is forgotten and I only remember the underlying message.
/r/seduction12/03/20 05:06 AM
1

My tone and body language when I ask the question helps, but yeah. With some things I can achieve a middle ground between "why" and "walk me through your thoughts," but it's still nowhere near as smooth as the latter. Even so, I'd say I only vibe with 1 out of every 15 people I go out with because of it. Kinda sucks.
/r/seduction12/03/20 04:37 AM
1

Logically? Not sure. The few times I am able to say something in a less direct, interrogatory way it has been from memorizing something someone else has said, which takes a hell of a lot of time and mental effort.
/r/seduction12/03/20 04:17 AM
1

Native speaker. Poetry was the bane of my existence in school. Never understood it. I don't know how to explain it, but my brain just doesn't spin words very well. Let's say someone asks me, "Walk me through your thoughts?" They've given me B. I have A, which is "why did you do that?" I can connect the link between A and B there. Now, let's try the reverse. I want to say A but in different words, so my brain shoots out a link to B, except it can't find B. The link doesn't connect, and I'm stuck …
/r/seduction12/03/20 03:58 AM
1

Make assumptions you believe in. What if you don't have any :/
/r/seduction11/03/20 02:36 PM
3

"Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by Dr. John Gray. Clinical Psychologist. He's also got a book on communication and body language: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." It helped me a lot when I was a socially stunted youth who was totally oblivious to the existence of body language.
/r/seduction11/03/20 12:17 PM
6

Some women like having control over a guy. Leading them on then disappearing. She probably wouldn't have been worth your time anyway.
/r/seduction11/03/20 10:00 AM
0

The last paragraph I got, the first one got me thinking. I am an emotionally neutral person who remembers images, actions, and facts. I don't remember emotions well. I remember that I felt an emotion (fact), but I don't remember the actual feeling, if that makes sense. So if I meet someone and we're talking about concerts, I can say, "Yeah it was an awesome concert. It was exciting, made me bounce around, and a couple songs made me want to cry." That's it. Just facts and actions. That turns into…
/r/seduction11/03/20 12:50 AM
4

These need context. #1 Share your passions Share when asked, and don't speak too much. I've had dates get a bit awkward because she asked about my passions and I talked too much about them. I prefer focusing on getting her to open up about her passions so that I'm the one talking less. #3 Don't filter yourself More context needed, just like #1, it's possible to say too much, and you need to filter yourself from saying more than required. #4 Assumptions instead of questions I agree with these, bu…
/r/seduction11/03/20 12:10 AM
3

Too logical and putting on a fake front that's potentially harmful. Can you expound on this and the other things (lack of awareness/calibration) that resulted in failures or LMR?
/r/seduction10/03/20 02:29 PM
1

Depends on the girl, I suppose. I'm the "2" type; no-big-deal and more on the stoic side. That hurts me a bit here in Japan because the "1" type is more popular. It's typically culturally expected to give enthusiastic reactions to the most mundane things here. Being "high-tension" is massively popular. God help you if you watch "Mr. Yabatan" videos on YouTube, but that guy makes me cringe yet makes girls laugh so fucking easily. I bet he could drown himself in puss if he really wanted to.
/r/seduction10/03/20 08:00 AM
1

The plus there is that you have a nerdy interest that's within a "regular" person's interest. That gives enough overlap to work with. Recently the only two movies I've had interest in have been 1917 and No Time To Die. Heh.
/r/seduction10/03/20 01:31 AM
2

People always like to talk about traveling, food, shows, movies. You just opened my mind up to something. I often have trouble with first-time conversations and now I know why. Personally, I find travel boring, food is a meh topic, I'm too busy with my hobbies to watch TV shows, and rarely go watch movies unless one or two really catch my eye. I just don't know how to fix that without giving up my hobbies and personality a bit....it's hard when you're a niche nerd who can't remember things outsi…
/r/seduction10/03/20 12:26 AM
1

I believe it. I was listening to this Japan-focused podcast that featured a guy in his 50s who claims to have gone from zero to hero after attending a bootcamp. At first I sympathized with him because we both had the same brainwashed thoughts of women while growing up, that we need to unprogram to get good at game. But then he said that he often has dates where he gets lost in the conversation and forgets to escalate, and the woman will literally say, "So...when are we going to a hotel?" That sh…
/r/seduction10/03/20 12:20 AM
1

I was being facetious, but yeah, not a whole lot I can do. As for working out, I do my own program because I have to mostly avoid barbells (spinal issue) and nearly every program out there is barbell focused. I get stronger, I get muscle definition, but I can't get big. Traditional bulking has consistently made me bloated and miserable, so I only eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm satiated. Protein shakes make me nauseated (probably the milk), calorie dense snacks like nuts suppress my appeti…
/r/seduction10/03/20 12:06 AM
1

And all male dominated. Typical of most of my hobbies.
/r/seduction09/03/20 11:58 PM
13

Tried it once and didn't get much success from the group. Got way more success just doing my content. If only mine weren't a video-gaming account, then it would actually have social value ooof.
/r/seduction09/03/20 01:55 PM
1

Isn't that a chat app? It has discussion forums?
/r/seduction09/03/20 10:27 AM
1

Not without creating another FB account, which is a pain in the ass having to switch between them.
/r/seduction09/03/20 10:13 AM
1

Guess I should start getting testosterone injections. A long time ago I got tested, and it showed I had normal levels, but yeah. High voice and trouble packing on muscle at the gym, even with a personal trainer.
/r/seduction09/03/20 09:38 AM
1

As someone who dealth with daily social rejection, even falsified social acceptance just to reject me later, from kindergarten through senior year of high school, the only healthy thing that maintains social self-esteem is positive social interactions. They're out there, you just have to find them, and stick with them.
/r/seduction09/03/20 05:08 AM
1

Try to record your voice, maybe is not slow and deep. My voice is one thing I'm insecure about on dates and at night game, much less day game. I'm genetically cursed with helium voice. Are we just fucked in that area?
/r/seduction09/03/20 05:06 AM
1

Case in point. Girls like this pretty much inspire guys to be single for a while afterwards, because they leave a bad taste in the mouth and condition one to feel that relationships equal something awful. I chalked it up to her being mentally unstable, but what you said about poor matches was spot on. I can't deal with dependancy and needing lots of cuddles and romantic stuff long-term. I need to be actively doing something stimulating, either alone or with a partner. Being idle and cuddling wit…
/r/seduction09/03/20 04:49 AM
1

I'm saying that showing up to the date, depending on WHERE it is, and other details, can definitely represent a form of reciprocation. Which is where the more casual activities you suggested come into play, I guess? I grew up instilled with the idea that showing up, or politely canceling, was just social protocol, not necessarily an indicator of interest or reciprocation. Like I said, expecting physical escalation in public, is generally going to come off as being way too thirsty. This is where …
/r/seduction09/03/20 04:23 AM
1

You're noting that this triangle look and some of the other things you thought were markers of desire, aren't leading to good things. They aren't leading to good things because I didn't have the balls to act upon them. They haven't been leading to bad things either, though. I'm not sure where you got the impression that they are. Those "body language books" are likely written by people who haven't actually done real research on this, right? No....I literally said they were books not related to p…
/r/seduction09/03/20 04:02 AM
1

Right. That stuff belongs in AskSeddit. Rules say that specific girl questions belong in AskSeddit. I asked about patterns that happen with every girl I meet, which is not "a specific girl..." One point I'd make is that the definition of "reciprocating" seems severely inadequate. Agreed. Merely showing up to the date is not reciprocation to me. Reciprocation is returning the same actions to the same degree in kind. I touch her, she touches me. I compliment her, she compliments me, etc. Secondly,…
/r/seduction09/03/20 03:44 AM
1

During the proverbial "7 seconds", she had already decided that this guy made the first cut. This is precisely why I argue that the only two differences between night game and Tinder/Bumble are that those 7 seconds are shorter, and there's probably a bit more competition, depending on region.
/r/seduction09/03/20 02:41 AM
2

I'm doing good except for the sociability and "desire for home-children" ones. I have a feeling the former is why I have trouble....
/r/seduction09/03/20 02:39 AM
1

Anonymity, primarily. I'm a university teacher, so I'd prefer not to be known to be a member of communites picking up girls.
/r/seduction09/03/20 02:12 AM
1

Nothing's really on lockdown, though primary/secondary schools and a lot of museums and attractions are closed. Most businesses are still operating, and people are still going about their day. Sometimes the streets are a bit less crowded at night than they usually are.
/r/seduction08/03/20 01:08 PM
1

It's a mutated flu. I'm not over 60 and don't have underlying health conditions.
/r/seduction08/03/20 05:48 AM
1

I’m not sure if the girls are any different. The people in general are different. Osakans are much more friendly, open, and approachable, sometimes even proactively approaching. Tokyoites are cold, distant, and reserved. It's similar to the "Southern hospitality vs. Manhattan coldness" stereotype back in the US. Do you speak Japanese? Yes, though my flirting and humor styles just don't express well through Japanese.
/r/seduction08/03/20 02:48 AM
1

Ah, yeah. Tokyo is going to be a bit different than Osaka. More crowding, and the women here are a bit more reserved and passive. Any time I really hit it off with a girl, they're originally from Osaka or the Kansai area. Anyone who's from around here or up north I really have to work on to get them open and comfortable.
/r/seduction08/03/20 02:31 AM
1

How often do you (or your date) make reservations? Or is waiting to get in a non-issue for you?
/r/seduction08/03/20 02:23 AM
2

Huh, never thought of cheers or trying each other's drinks as IoIs since us guys do that with each other all the time. Footsies is pretty much the only thing I can do when we're not sitting side-by-side. Do you have any tips for finding/navigating venues to get side-by-side seating? It's really hit or miss for me, with the majority of places having traditional table seating. If there's counter seating available I try to get it, but often times it's completely full or has little room to work with…
/r/seduction08/03/20 02:09 AM
1

Just make iois What are some IoIs that I can give? There's so much about what IoIs to look for but not much about what to give. The only three I can really think of are eye contact/smiling, physical touch, and taking an interest in whatever she's saying. Physical touch is the only one of those three that I'm lacking in, so I must be lacking in some IoI that I just don't know how to give. in a restaurant I would’ve told her to sit beside me What do you do in a situation where you can't sit side-b…
/r/seduction08/03/20 01:44 AM
1

I think In the rare situations where a good looking guy doesn't get laid, it's simply due to things like anxiety stopping him from actually trying to escalate. This. Exactly what I'm dealing with.
/r/seduction08/03/20 12:57 AM
1

There's no anonymous discussion forums there.
/r/seduction08/03/20 12:24 AM
2

Plausible deniability if you come on too strong and creep them out on the date, plausible deniability if a friend or coworker sees their profile come up, futile attempt to avoid creepy texts from guys they match.
/r/seduction07/03/20 05:13 PM
1

As with everything, YMMV. This trend of absolutes in this sub is toxic. See also: here. Tinder is too much time and effort for what it's worth. I swipe while taking a shit or while waiting for things, when I literally have nothing I can practically do otherwise. Going out to meet girls would take roughly 3 hours out of my day, in an area of town that offers literally nothing of interest except the girls. I will meet 20% of those girls, and bang 2 of them. What do you think those 2 will look like…
/r/seduction07/03/20 04:37 PM
1

What country are you using Tinder in? I'm using it in Tokyo and it's doing quite well for me.... But when someone's experience differs from the hivemind bro science it's obviously invalid /s
/r/seduction07/03/20 04:24 PM
-1

The only things keeping me away from meeting 4~5 girls a week from Tinder are: Money My 9-to-5 Hobbies and fitness I'm actually having trouble fitting all my willing matches into my schedule. I wish I could, because then I could improve the date-->bedroom flow much faster than I am. As with everything, YMMV.
/r/seduction07/03/20 02:24 PM
3

She frequently sexts you and says how bad she wants to meet and fuck, but any time you try to set something up she dodges the invite and ghosts you for 24 hours, then comes back for more sexting.
/r/seduction07/03/20 02:20 PM
2

There are plenty of girls who want BBC.
/r/seduction07/03/20 08:42 AM
1

If you're doing daygame yeah the masks get in the way. I don't do daygame here much because the barrier to entry is too high. Tokyoites are cold as fuck, and are too busy getting from point A to point B with their noses buried in their smartphones to notice if a guy collapses from a heartattack right in front of them. Tap someone on the shoulder to ask for directions and the look of suprise/neverousness on their face is blatant.
/r/seduction07/03/20 08:41 AM
2

I'm dealing with the exact same. I read an article about reciprocation being a green light, neutral responses being a yellow light, and negative responses being a red light. It claimed many men blow a chance because they only act on green lights, and treat yellow lights as red lights. I don't know where in the world you are, but here in Japan I'm starting to think this is true. 50~60% of my successes in the past have been from acting on yellow lights, and most of my recent failures have been fro…
/r/seduction06/03/20 08:19 AM
3

Come to Japan if you want it really cramped. I was just today able to restock on toilet paper after shelves being empty for a full week. And half the museums/fun places are closed until April.
/r/seduction06/03/20 08:11 AM
1

Addendum to the passivity aspect. The good thing about a low body count is that it allows me to think about my successes (or semi-successes) in this context, and roughly half (maybe a tad more) were passive and compliant, without reciprocating or escalating any physicality on me, and their lack of reciprocity hasn't always been an indicator of being a dead fish in bed. In fact one or two were absolutely wild in bed despite not reciprocating physicality on the date. Others were average, mabye onl…
/r/seduction06/03/20 03:13 AM
1

How do you balance that with the stuff you actually want to listen to, though? I've usually got more interesting (personally) podcasts to listen to on my commutes.
/r/seduction06/03/20 02:36 AM
2

That's a large chunk of the day when you've got limited time.
/r/seduction06/03/20 02:26 AM
1

This is a pretty big detail to have left out of your post. I get conflicting information on this. Usually when I mention it I get "women are the same everywhere." I've tried finding Japan-centered seduction communities, but Tokyo Seddit is dead, when I asked about this specific problem of passivity on the Tokyo Adult Guide forums I got personal insults hurled at me with one guy saying compliance is a sign for Japanese people, and the successful (supposedly) guys here won't help you unless you th…
/r/seduction06/03/20 02:20 AM
1

Any time I've mentioned a specific girl, or specific encounter, even in the larger context of a broader topic, my post gets removed for "violating" Rule 1... That said, here's one example from a couple months ago: * Tinder, "looking for friends." Good banter, same-day date. * First date was just dinner. She specifically said she wanted to go home that night, and that she "hates guys who try to keep her out past her last train." Later I assessed those as shit tests, but there wasn't much I could …
/r/seduction06/03/20 02:07 AM
5

Share something that you read or saw with the people around you. This is literally an opener “Have you see” or “What do you think about this... This is always the hardest one for me. When I do it, it's in relation to my niche hobbies/interest and related friends. With "regular" people, I have to take time out of my day to actively search for and find something to bring up in an "Have you seen...?" conversation, and since I'm not interested in 99% of it, even if I do find something I can't rememb…
/r/seduction06/03/20 12:57 AM
1

Third, pulling out and jerking yourself off onto someone's stomach/tits/face/ass feels no different than jerking off at home. Alone. I'd rather wrap up and nut inside and actually feel something.
/r/seduction06/03/20 12:42 AM
1

Because I don't know specifically what goes wrong or when.
/r/seduction06/03/20 12:35 AM
1

Is she responding to you in a way that involves either escalating on you or responding in kind to physical contact? How do I apply this to more passive cultures like in Japan? The only times I have had women here escalate on me or respond in kind have been with extremely aggressive (typically Westernized) women. Most of the time the woman accepts kino. No flinching, no leaning back, but no leaning in or responding in kind. "They're just not into you." Then why do they go on a second or third dat…
/r/seduction06/03/20 12:26 AM
1

I do that, but that alone isn't enough.....enough to get a second date, maybe, but that's it.
/r/seduction04/03/20 06:26 AM
7

What guys do you like --> What do you like on a date --> What do you like in bed Kind of escalation?
/r/seduction04/03/20 06:00 AM
1

They seem to select me over Tinder/text, then deselect me while I'm on the date. Or perhaps I'm just failing their shit tests because the high-interest women I go out with never give me shit tests.
/r/seduction02/03/20 07:29 AM
1

Interesting. I make sure to give strong eye contact, but I can only think of one case where that really made a difference. But for you personally, if you make a move on a girl and she gives neutral body language--not a yes, not a no--do you assume it's a yes? I assume it's a no, and back off. Then at the end of the date I always notice this expression of mild confusion or disappointment on the woman's face, as if I should have assumed everything was a yes. I think I found the answer I was lookin…
/r/seduction29/02/20 04:03 AM
1

Just eye contact and questions? I've always considered that more "common sense conversation" than "I want you to escalate on me." I had all that on the date, but when I escalated, still, the nonreaction came across as soft rejection to me, not an okay to continue escalating.
/r/seduction29/02/20 02:38 AM
1

Met her at a bar via some friends. I carried the escalation at the bar the entire time, she was a shy/quiet but I saw the IoIs What IOIs did you see in particular? I'm wondering if I'm just blind to some more subtle ones in situations with women who don't seem to give as many.
/r/seduction28/02/20 02:57 PM
1

Is it normal to have to carry the entire escalation like that, though? Last week I had a date with a woman in her early 40s, and it was much more natural and equal. If I put my hand around her she would put her hand on my inner thigh, etc. I had positive feedback. On one hand, I assume that if I don't get that same positive feedback then she's not interested. On the other hand, I have been with a nonreactive girl just like this recent one, and we ended up making out. The signals are totally oppo…
/r/seduction28/02/20 12:32 PM
3

"Hey I'm leaving the country soon and would like to get to know you before I leave."
/r/seduction28/02/20 09:34 AM
2

Totally true. The hard part for some of us is that the mildest negative experience leaves a stronger memory than the strongest positive experience.
/r/seduction28/02/20 02:38 AM
5

It always feels unnatural for me both considering my background and I currently live in Tokyo, where people are always closed and guarded when first meeting someone. I want to take down that barrier, but it never feels right.
/r/seduction28/02/20 02:22 AM
10

We meet and i kiss her on a cheek. Would you say something like an opening hug or a kiss on the cheek is important to help escalation progress more naturally and smoothly? I've never been a hugger with someone I just met, so I'm really bad about not doing that. The first meet always has this distance that eventually closes, but the tempo is so slow I always lose out to someone who's faster. I just don't know how to get faster at it.
/r/seduction28/02/20 12:52 AM
1

make normal fun conversation. This is where I have success online: The information I need to go in with witty, fun banter about her hobbies and interests is right on her profile, and I can make a strong, sustainable connection. The less I know about someone, the less fun our interaction will be. At a bar, when I'm trying to ask about her hobbies or interests, she gets disinterested and I never get a chance to start the fun interaction and make that connection. Leading with a comment about her ap…
/r/seduction27/02/20 01:46 AM
3

"anyone's walked in on her" = ? "Jerking off" is clearly inferred. What would you have said if she said "what's that? I knew she wouldn't because she's big into exercise and physiology. But if she did, I would have just said, "They're muscles that help hold in your pee and make you orgasm stronger."
/r/seduction27/02/20 01:36 AM
2

I've found a lot of it is just being comfortable in your own skin. Once you get good at releasing your non-sexual wit, it becomes easy and natural to add sexual jokes Do it when you're hanging around with the guys. My first exposure to sex jokes was when hanging with the bros, starting with simple cliche crap like "that's what she said." Once you get comfortable doing that with the guys then just transition that straight over to girls. Looking in the mirror and practicing just solidifies any ext…
/r/seduction26/02/20 01:26 AM
0

Research by neuroscientists shows different, and I trust their findings over people on the internet.
/r/seduction23/02/20 11:03 AM
1

I'm having to work on someting similar. I used to have such a strong filter that social interaction was hard for me, now I just immediately respond with whatever comes to my mind. 90% of the time it's great. 10% of the time I, like you, say too much. Have you ever watched or listened to an interview with Jordan Peterson? Whenever he is asked a question, you will notice him pause as he thinks of exactly what to say. But he does it in such an assertive, impressionable way. Then when speaks, it's n…
/r/seduction23/02/20 09:43 AM
3

She has issues and you should probably stop seeing her before she gets even crazier.
/r/seduction23/02/20 09:41 AM
-1

Dreams are meaningless. They're just random images/events your brain creates.
/r/seduction23/02/20 09:38 AM
2

I have called a HB7 ugly and she has responded by calling me babe and escalating on me. Oh man this would backfire so hard here in Japan.
/r/seduction21/02/20 03:36 AM
1

Without seeing a therapist or a doctor, we don't know. But even if we did, what else would fulfill us? I have no shortage of hobbies that give me dopamine, but they aren't as satisfying as sex, nor is sex as satisfying as some of my hobbies. It's a strange contradiction.
/r/seduction21/02/20 03:13 AM
1

I like sex and I crave variety. The same thing (or person) bores me quite quickly. 'Nuf said.
/r/seduction21/02/20 02:04 AM
1

Literally same shit here in Tokyo, my friend. Just replace Kakaotalk with LINE. Even with my conversationally-fluent Japanese I still get flakes.
/r/seduction20/02/20 06:14 AM
1

Cheek --> Lips --> Neck --> Rest of her body
/r/seduction20/02/20 06:08 AM
1

Now how do you get girls to chase you without dropping you? When I try these techniques, I just get ghosted. Or used. At the moment I have three girls "chasing" me: One is a fellow expat who recently moved here and is lonely/culture-shocked, one I frequently sext with but will never commit to a date (90% certain she's using me to get wet so she can fuck other guys who are more attractive/richer than I am), and the other is a model who keeps inviting me to her events (using me because I'm the onl…
/r/seduction20/02/20 04:14 AM
1

Damn, I've had 130 in the past four months in Tokyo. Solid 50~60% response rate, but my schedule/wallet limits how many people I can actually meet in a week. Get lots of flakes becaues I have no choice but to schedule 1~2 weeks out. Have lots of ghosts because I'm not all that great at talking. Never had a bad date, but also haven't pulled either.
/r/seduction19/02/20 08:24 AM
4

That just gets your foot in the door. Can't get any further unless you can talk.
/r/seduction18/02/20 04:34 AM
3

I've got similar issues. I grew up with no siblings and parents who showed zero PDA, even in the home. I can’t really tell when she wants to me go for it and start making physical moves. I've learned that they're never going to give signs that they want physical moves. They will only give signs they don't want physical moves. If you are close to her and she leans back, she's not ready yet. If she doesn't, you can move to the next step. If she has some kind of accessories on her wrists or fingers…
/r/seduction17/02/20 11:41 AM
1

If you grew up with no siblings, distant parents, and a largely asocial life, how do you fix this and become better relatable to people? My social life now is pretty good, but I still have difficulty relating.
/r/seduction17/02/20 06:54 AM
1

As a man who is dealing with this problem, what are the 2 biggest issues you're dealing with Being genuinely interested in someone. I always find myself more interested in activities and things than in people...like I have a high "bar" for things that interest or stimulate me, and the majority of people just don't meet that "bar." I'm still trying to figure out how to concretely explain this abstract feeling, but I have to feign interest in people, which is unsustainable, and I burn out. It suck…
/r/seduction17/02/20 06:53 AM
1

Sincere interest is always hard for me to dig out of myself. It only comes out when something or someone extraordinary appears, and extraordinary is exceedingly rare.
/r/seduction15/02/20 12:05 AM
1

I'm not so sure I believe in "too fast." I'm sure skilled men can get a woman in their bed within 90 minutes of meeting up for the date. If the woman rejects a phase in the escalation ladder, go back one or two phases, then come back up. If she rejects kino outright, it's not a matter of "too fast," it's a matter of her just not being DTF. In my case, it took close to three hours before the sex talk came up, and four hours before the kiss. Excruciatingly slow. I recall the fastest hookup I had a…
/r/seduction14/02/20 01:59 PM
1

Which is a bullshit game because people aren't busy with priorities 24 hours a day. You might be busy with priorities when she texts you during a five minute break. Are you seriously going to wait three hours to respond just to appear like you're working on priorities (which you actually are)? Fuck that noise.
/r/seduction14/02/20 01:51 PM
1

People who don't show and don't bother communicating that they will cancel have no place in my life. I immediately cut them off if they stand me up.
/r/seduction14/02/20 01:49 PM
2

I don't try to do anything. I have my own life going on. If it takes me 10-15 minutes to reply, then it takes me 10-15 minutes. If it takes me two hours it takes me two hours. If I happen to have my phone in my hand at that moment, I might reply right then.
/r/seduction14/02/20 08:19 AM
11

It is a dumb game. If you have time to take a piss you have time to text. Any girl who loses interest in a guy who responds quickly is too immature to be worth the bang. That said, neediness is not in the timing of your texts but rather the amount or frequency of your texts. I prefer minimal texting to set dates, but depending on the person I may calibrate myself to text a little more.
/r/seduction14/02/20 06:09 AM
1

It happens. Girls are irrational and do irrattional things. Sometimes there's a rational reason: Her period came, she got sick, something came up, someone hotter or wittier than you came along, who knows. I've had great, continued text vibes with girls who cancel. I've had great vibes on the first text when setting up the date, then gone cold until the day before the date with girls who cancel. I've had girls ghost right in the middle of good text vibes while scheduling the date; I mean we liter…
/r/seduction14/02/20 04:14 AM
4

This needs to be at the top. The most upvoted comments are "you texted her too much" when the only thing OP said about texting at all was she texted him with zero details on frequency, connection, etc. Bunch of copout hivemind responses, honestly.
/r/seduction14/02/20 03:45 AM
5

I had that two days ago. Didn't even bother reading her excuses and immediately blocked her. Can't stand people who waste my time like that.
/r/seduction14/02/20 03:44 AM
2

OP included zero details on texting frequency with these girls. There's no way to assess if it was his text or not given the limited information. It could be anything, really. I still get cancellations and ghosting after great text vibes, setting up the date, then going cold until the day before the date.
/r/seduction14/02/20 03:43 AM
131

Yeah, it's been a good five years or so since I've met a woman who would put in even half that amount of effort.
/r/seduction14/02/20 01:37 AM
1

My boys actually have things in common, like mutual hobbies and interests. Women (and men outside "my boys") have little to no common ground with me, so how to chill with them becomes difficult.
/r/seduction13/02/20 11:49 PM
7

My bet is on different brain wiring. I don't have on-demand memory. If I try to remember something, or think of something, my brain refuses to produce it. However if there is a trigger--seeing something, hearing something, smelling something, etc.--my brain will produce a memory or thought associated with that trigger. I basically have zero control of my thoughts.
/r/seduction13/02/20 06:17 AM
3

Sometimes even that doesn't cross my mind ooof. Not all the time, but more often than it should.
/r/seduction13/02/20 06:16 AM
36

This is what happens to me when I don't think in a cold approach: "Hi" "Hi" "........" I've read every guide a hundred times over. Make a comment about the venue. Complement her. Make a comment about something she's wearing/doing. In the moment, none of that knowledge is accessible to my brain.
/r/seduction13/02/20 02:29 AM
2

Yes to the first part. I grew up valuing LTRs over hookups, but after foolishly getting married to my first girlfriend at 23 because I had zero self-esteem or social skills, then moving across the world and getting divorced, having a hookup or two, then getting into an LTR with an emotionally abusive stage-10 clinger, then ending up in another LTR while looking for hookups (still all because my self-esteem and social skills hadn't fully developed), I found myself at the tail-end of my last LTR l…
/r/seduction12/02/20 02:08 PM
3

The problem, as an extroverted introvert (or an introverted extrovert?) myself, is that time away from your solitary and niche interests drains you. Building up and maintaining that group of social people inevitably takes away that solitary hobby time, and thus causes mental drain. Striking the balance between a thriving social circle that gets you laid without mental drain because you have little time for yourself is extremely difficult, and I still haven't gotten a handle of it after 32 years …
/r/seduction12/02/20 07:24 AM
2

Basic trimming so it doesn't run wild or get stuck in my zipper. Some girls hate bare, some girls prefer bare, why should I waste my time trying to please one or the other? I do what's necessary for me. Besides, hairly legs and a dragon's tail with suddenly bare crotch just looks weird.
/r/seduction12/02/20 07:19 AM
3

I'm getting way more attention from women now than at any point in my life. Still trying to push through mental blocks.
/r/seduction12/02/20 07:11 AM
1

If you can't dance, its because you're still trying to impress, and not express. Or you just don't have something to express--at least not through that medium. I had the same problem when I played bass. I could become technically proficient enough to play some Audioslave by ear, but when it came time to express myself with original fills and such during band work, I had nothing to express and therefore nothing to play with those technical skills.
/r/seduction12/02/20 07:08 AM
1

So the experience with the Russian chick's reaction isn't actually that common?
/r/seduction10/02/20 09:00 AM
3

address the privacy issue and instead just vaguely told him I really couldn’t stay If you don't apologize at least make that point clear. It's amazing what a little communication can do. Personally, I'd feel a little used in this situation....not to mention blue balls for me is excruciating. Don't know how bad it is for other dudes, but for me I can't quite walk right until it goes away.
/r/seduction10/02/20 06:40 AM
3

They're mentally swiping right or left.
/r/seduction10/02/20 06:37 AM
3

Going for the hangout is critical but often the logistics are impossible. If days and weeks go by without in-person contact, a bit of warmth and sexual spark via text is necessary to keep her interested. Not just dry texts trying to setup a date. Vital here in Tokyo. People's schedules are booked weeks in advance.
/r/seduction10/02/20 05:24 AM
1

The confident part is easy. The sexy part is difficult without investing a lot of time and money in lessons. Even then some of us just aren't meant to dance. I've tried hiphop/club dance lessons, I've tried salsa/bachata lessons, even house-shared with a salsa/bachata master and would go to events with him all the time and I never became able to dance.
/r/seduction10/02/20 05:21 AM
2

it makes me insecure when I think of others who can do what I used to do. Take security in the knowledge that if she cheats on you, you can dump her and do "what you used to do" to get another, better girl.
/r/seduction10/02/20 05:15 AM
1

It starts with you having awareness of who you are and from there the all thing will become spontaneous as its already supposed to be.. I've been aware of who I am for at least 5 years now and these "all things" have not become spontaneous....
/r/seduction10/02/20 05:11 AM
14

I've made it a personal rule not to pay anyone short of certified therapists/counsellors for advice. Every time I read a "famous" PUA's bio or whatever books/workshops he's selling, the first thing that comes to my mind is "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story".
/r/seduction10/02/20 04:59 AM
2

And people claim clubbing is better than Tinder. Either way, Rules 1 and 2 rule the scene in both.
/r/seduction10/02/20 02:59 AM
1

Short of paying for improv classes, what's the best way to improve this?
/r/seduction07/02/20 12:47 AM
1

You just need to be in the moment and you will know when physical contact is appropriate. I've been on countless dates, and still don't know when physical contact is entirely appropriate outside of situations where I have a specific reason to touch. If I think about holding hands, for example, in my past long-term relationships that was natural. It felt approrpriate because we were dating. With someone I'm meeting for the first time, it feels unnatural and innapropriate because I literally just …
/r/seduction07/02/20 12:39 AM
1

Like one day work on greeting hugs (I find those incredibly awkward), one day work on holding her hand, one day work on transitioning to sexual talk, etc.?
/r/seduction06/02/20 10:32 AM
1

So, force it even though it's awkward, until it becomes natural and automatic?
/r/seduction06/02/20 07:14 AM
1

That's exactly what I'm doing and that is the exact cause of the problems I outlined in my post. Myself doesn't kino/escalate without reason, and being in the moment leads to me forgetting when/how to escalate.
/r/seduction06/02/20 06:07 AM
1

I think you misread the OP's post: He was talking about approaching women who are on the phone when you approach. I thought the same at first due to his wording. But on the subject of talking to girls over the phone, I do not like it unless I'm in a steady relationship and we can't meet any time soon. I find phone calls in general to be a nuisance because I have to drop everything I'm doing and invest an uncertain amount of time into some banter instead of texting to set a date and bantering on …
/r/seduction05/02/20 08:58 AM
1

This happened to me. I got so many more compliments from women when I started wearing brighter, but faded (pastel?) shirts. Sadly those are only spring/summer attire, and my fall/winter dress gets dark.
/r/seduction05/02/20 08:53 AM
2

I do that, and in turn forget to kino and forget to go into innuendo...and therefore get friendzoned every. Single. Time.
/r/seduction05/02/20 08:49 AM
6

Just OWN whatever they tell you and remeber to be sassy/playful. You know, I've been reading a lot about "shit tests" recently, and all those convoluted explanations and books that self-proclaimed "masters" try to peddle could literally be summed up with that once sentence right there.
/r/seduction31/01/20 01:35 AM
2

"Nice inquisitive eyes." "Inquisitive about you." And yes, it worked.
/r/seduction31/01/20 01:34 AM
1

I've had better luck just ignoring the message. Most of the messaging apps I use don't even have a "like" feature in the first place. If she's interested, she'll come back. If not, her loss.
/r/seduction31/01/20 01:12 AM
1

As someone who's tried to settle twice, I can't stand the lack of variety. One person just isn't enough.
/r/seduction31/01/20 12:26 AM
1

That's how I ended up divorced after marrying my first girlfriend. That's also how I stayed with an abusive clinger longer than I should. That's also how I dated someone who probably wasn't right for me for three years....and lived together. The three big factors here are: Lack of self-esteem Seeking the path of least resistance Overwhelming feelings of guilt for hurting someone else in pursuit of your own happiness
/r/seduction30/01/20 09:16 AM
1

I've heard a common way japanese men hint on wanting to go to a love hotel is just staying out late and then when her last trains time is approaching saying you want to spend more time with her and then offer getting a hotel after she stays out after the last train. Yes, that's the default. If she allows herself to miss her last train she is expecting you to fuck her. The problem is I'm too old to play the all-night game, and I hate wasting the next day. Go on a date, smash in a hotel, head home…
/r/seduction30/01/20 09:10 AM
1

How long have you lived in Japan? What's your dating experience here? Ever talk to a Japanese about it in their native language? So far you have zero credibility to speak on the issue at all.
/r/seduction30/01/20 09:07 AM
1

That shit just makes me jaded to be honest. It's not genuine.
/r/seduction27/01/20 07:57 AM
0

It's their choice whether they go in or not. From what I've recently read of long-time residents in Japan, if you lead her in the direction of love hotels or ask her if she wants to "rest" somewhere, she knows what's up. If she wants sex, she'll follow. If she doesn't, she'll say no and the date ends there. That is not coercion. A couple days ago I even had this conversation with a female Japanese friend of mine, who straight up told me that they expect the man to "attack" (攻める). If you're expec…
/r/seduction27/01/20 07:56 AM
2

Literally am dad age haha. All-nighters fuck up a perfectly good weekend.
/r/seduction24/01/20 02:19 PM
0

There's a lot of girls out there who aren't in to karaoke or internet cafes, at least the of the one's I've met. I'll need to find decent 個室 izakaya that are atually 個室 and not that half-assed 150cm-tall cubicle shit.
/r/seduction24/01/20 02:17 PM
3

Yeah I saw a lot of those, but they're geared to the "make her miss her last train" game. I'm too old for that game and want to have my fun by midnight. Hit the last train home.
/r/seduction24/01/20 02:16 PM
1

Sleeping on anything other than a bed just fuckin hurts. I don't understand how anyone does it. What if you can't dance? Like...literallly can't.
/r/seduction21/01/20 11:58 PM
1

The thing I've always hated about going out in Japan is the last train. If you haven't pulled a girl by then, you're stuck out until 5am bored out of your damn mind and sleepy as hell. Not to mention hungry with dry contact lenses....just all sorts of mental and physical discomfort. Being out on a trip with a hotel in the local area made it so much easier. That said, how did you manage to keep a girls interest long enough to get her out of the first location? Without the background info from, sa…
/r/seduction21/01/20 02:00 PM
1

Shit I cry when I'm dumping a girlfriend. Mind you, an actual girlfriend and not someone I just had a couple dates with. But still. I'm human. She's human. Unless you're a sociopath or autistic, you're going to cry about dumping someone at some point in your life.
/r/seduction21/01/20 10:23 AM
-1

Even this is complicating things. "Correct" vs. "incorrect" comes down to how your personality matches (or fails to match) the personality of the other person. It's that simple.
/r/seduction21/01/20 09:18 AM
1

I keep hearing this stuff about a "skill set" and I don't get what that even is. Most of the success I have had from women invovled me being myself and adding kino to escalate to sex.....which hardly feels like a skill at all.
/r/seduction21/01/20 09:15 AM
1

When I think of the hobbies that give me the awesome delayed gratification, they all involve processes where you are almost guaranteed that gratification at the end as long as you do everything right. Even if you make a mistake, 9 times out of 10 it can be salvaged. With my experience in game so far, the process is so fickle that you can miss out on that gratification at any point even if you did everything right. And if you make a mistake, 9 times out of 10 you'll just be tossed aside with no r…
/r/seduction17/01/20 07:04 AM
69

That and a lot of the women I've met can't handle rejection half as well as a man could.
/r/seduction17/01/20 03:31 AM
1

Texting is for setting up dates. Maybe for sexting after already hooking up. That's it.
/r/seduction17/01/20 03:30 AM
2

My looks get my foot in the door, but most days I'm just not a social creature so the door gets shut on my foot.
/r/seduction16/01/20 08:48 AM
1

I don't know specifically what about the process bugs me. When I think of my hobbies, they are stimulating in a particular way and give me a good dopamine hit because of it. When it comes to socializing--with men or women--it takes a particular person (and alcohol) for me to get a similar dopamine hit. Typically I have to be doing something with another person, not just talking with them. I easily get bored, I guess?
/r/seduction16/01/20 08:48 AM
2

I'm at the stage in life where I'm having the opposite problem. I'm successful at my job, I'm successful in the gym, I'm successful and constantly challenging myself with my hobbies, but I'm not that successful with women. That one area is dragging me down more than the other three are bringing me up.
/r/seduction15/01/20 10:49 AM
2

What if you don't particularly enjoy the process, though?
/r/seduction15/01/20 10:47 AM
1

What were you wearing? There could have been something that gave you away as a tourist or, as another commenter mentioned, made you look like an American even though you aren't.
/r/seduction14/01/20 09:56 AM
2

Ah that elusive unicorn of balance. Hardest is balancing time and energy when you've got 5 9-5s, gym, and you're own hobbies. I don't get how people can spend hours a day out gaming without getting mentally fatigued.
/r/seduction14/01/20 09:44 AM
1

Main rule of seduction assumption: FTFY
/r/seduction13/01/20 03:37 AM
1

Plus if he had a feeling then she had the same feeling. Tha......that's not how human interaction works.
/r/seduction13/01/20 03:33 AM
1

thinking about it you mentioned a night with someone you have a connection with. Is it possible you’re just lonely? Yes and no. I do get lonely. But people I genuinely have a connection with are few and far between. Even fewer among girls. When I find those few people that I feel a genuine connection with, I feel great. But despite them giving me extremely positive body language, clear attraction, and enthusastically telling me they want to see me again, they always ghost me when I try to set up…
/r/seduction12/01/20 11:22 PM
1

they treat you as just someone they can take advantage of. Basically 80% of the people I've met in my life. Gotta spend time around those circles. This is one of the barriers-to-entry for me, as I really don't have that much time to invest into a circle in the hopes that I meet a more people who I then might have a chance at sleeping around with. My current life situation/routines really only have room for scheduled dates.
/r/seduction12/01/20 11:18 PM
2

Does a lack of dopamine count as a hole? I mean....lots of things give me dopamine but sex with someone I have sexual chemistry with gives loads of it that nothing else does.
/r/seduction09/01/20 10:55 AM
1

Probably deadpan, since I tend to be rather neutral. So basically just own it?
/r/seduction09/01/20 10:52 AM
1

Less proving something to myself and more dealing with a high sex drive that isn't quenched with self-love (figuratively or literally). Also variety; I easily get bored of the same person.
/r/seduction09/01/20 09:32 AM
1

I don't know if it's a cultural difference with Japan or what, but here's what I've observed when trying to make airsoft/scuba/video games social: Male dominated Most of the girls are unnattractive The attractive girls milk as much attention/benefit as they can from thirsty dudes Everyone is cliquish, staying in their in-groups and typically cold to outsiders Typically the only time Tokyo-ites are open to socializing with strangers is at specific meetup events or pubs/bars.
/r/seduction09/01/20 09:28 AM
1

Usually military aircraft, though currently working on a Viper from BSG.
/r/seduction09/01/20 09:21 AM
1

Typically the only part fun about going out is getting laid :/
/r/seduction09/01/20 09:20 AM
2

That's my approach for a relationship, but I'm not particularly pursuing that at the moment. Just looking for casual sex.
/r/seduction09/01/20 07:33 AM
1

Teacher.
/r/seduction09/01/20 06:02 AM
1

Wish I looked young enough to hang around college campuses. Then again young-20s here in Japan don't know how to give a good BJ and just starfish anyway.
/r/seduction09/01/20 05:57 AM
1

Whenever I see posts like these I feel like guys are making the mistake of a one-size-fits-all approach. I've met women who want escalation to pound-town on the first date, and I've met women who want slower escalation over 2~3 dates. Everyone is different. Because, you know, they're people too. If you take a one-way approach to weed out one type or the other, then fine. But reading which one is which type so that you can bang more than just one type is ideal for me.
/r/seduction07/01/20 05:42 AM
2

Which will cost you the girl here in Japan. Leaning back = showing disinterest.
/r/seduction07/01/20 05:38 AM
1

why do they disappear after the 2nd date? If I knew then they wouldn't keep disappearing. but I fear you described someone so in love with themselves and the 18 hours a day they need to learn guitar illustrate, be pazaaz and all, it's no wonder they don't sit down and date 1 person for a very long time?? That's extreme. Someone doesn't have to spend 18 hours a day to learn guitar or illustrate. But what you said about a "cool and independent person" is spot on. I need a person who does something…
/r/seduction30/12/19 04:24 AM
1

you can always influence another’s personality Only if the person allows themself to be influenced. If an attractive person gets so much simply from being attractive, what motivation do they have to change? None, typically.
/r/seduction30/12/19 03:50 AM
2

Personally, I find texting to be terrible for conversations, and rather irritating. Text to set up a date or "check-in" to say that you're thinking about her. Conversation happens at the date.
/r/seduction30/12/19 03:27 AM
1

how "face attractive" and "body attractive" are these people? Not as attractive as I want in the face or in the personality.
/r/seduction30/12/19 03:18 AM
1

then you just told me all the healthy people (stable do or die) are boring and uninspired. No, I never said that. I said that I end up with safe people who are boring and uninspiring. When I say "safe," I mean that I don't really have to work to keep them around. They're content with the status quo. They don't do much other than workout and Netflix. They're not pursuing any knowledge or skill, just existing, and they're usually dependent upon me for something. What I consider "healthy" (and this…
/r/seduction30/12/19 03:16 AM
1

For some reason I end up with people who will stick with me through everything, but are boring, uninspiring, and....safe. I have no motivation or drive when I'm with them, yet they still care about me.
/r/seduction28/12/19 07:08 AM
1

I'd joke about it. "Has he sent a dick pic yet?" Send a Napoleon Dynamite gif about "things are getting serious". Things like that.
/r/seduction27/12/19 03:02 AM
3

The very strongest IOI is when she asks about your logistics or schedule I've discovered that this is a huge one in Japan, but girls are too damn subtle/contradictory about it. Getting laid inevitably means missing the last trains, so it's not uncommon to hear "what are you doing tomorrow?" or "do you have an early morning tomorrow?" The latter one is more obvious, but the first one, when coupled with a first date where the same girl explicitly said she hates it when guys try to keep her out pas…
/r/seduction27/12/19 02:59 AM
1

What makes you relaxed enough to be yourself around friends, but not relaxed enough around new people? For me it was fear of rejection/being made fun of. Once I got over that fear it allowed me to be myself around new people better.
/r/seduction27/12/19 02:54 AM
4

I've had issues with this in the past. It isn't always "lost attraction." Since you mention that she has been getting chubbier, my bet would be she just doesn't feel sexy or have the sexual confidence she used to. Happened with my ex. Buying sexy lingerie/costumes, (nicely) telling her what you like, and (gently) man-handling her into positions/movements you like while telling her how hot she is while doing it fixed it for us.
/r/seduction27/12/19 02:37 AM
1

Not looking to pick much new up because my plate is full at the moment, but my hobbies are: Hobbies that girls find attractive Airsoft; it's like paintball but paintball never gained any popularity in Japan. 80+ airsoft fields to one paintball field in the entire Kanto area. Scuba, even though I only do it once or twice a year Coffee brewing; always chasing that perfect cup Hobbies that I rarely mention to girls until I know them well....or I'm intoxicated Model kits; I like working with my hand…
/r/seduction27/12/19 02:32 AM
2

Currently looking for those healthy people, because now that I'm 32 I'm realizing that sex disappears at some point as you age....and then what's left? Company. Sometimes I feel like I found some of those people, but then they slowly fade out of my life despite giving positive vibes and explicitly saying, "I want to do ____ with you again!" Shit gets tiring.
/r/seduction27/12/19 01:25 AM
1

I've tried going to raves and just couldn't enjoy them. I'm just not into passive entertainment. I have to be doing something that melds technical skills, concentration, mental challenges, and/or creativity to have fun.
/r/seduction27/12/19 12:04 AM
3

just because she had a good body. More complicated than that. Too much empathy and don't like hurting people, not wanting to reexperience the absolute exhaustion and distrust from being ghosted after really good dates where the person's body language and words were both telling me they enjoyed my company and wanted to meet again.....etc.
/r/seduction27/12/19 12:02 AM
3

I took that approach because I tend to overthink everything and be too cautious, which costs me so many opportunities. As a result, not giving a fuck has given me a lot of opportunities but has also put me in a lot of shitty situations that could have been avoided with more thought.
/r/seduction26/12/19 02:12 PM
1

I'd rather listen to trained professionals than dig around for unvetted research then claim "I'm educated" after reading a couple articles, just like my Munchausen/NPD mother did.
/r/seduction26/12/19 07:57 AM
21

Online. Went out for drinks. Sparks got hot. Third date she was like "Let's just date." I said okay without thinking.
/r/seduction26/12/19 07:55 AM
2

This sounds like homeopathic bullshit tbh. Probiotics are the only things scientifically studied to help with gut health and inflammation.
/r/seduction26/12/19 07:08 AM
168

This is something I didn't fully grasp until my last relationship. Hooked up with a hot chick who had an average face and her only hobby was EDM. Dated for three years, lived together, and towards the end I just got tired of her. She still had a rockin' body, but the spoiled brat moments piled up and I just couldn't take interest in her any more because EDM and clubbing only requires three things of the participant: money, a pulse, and a functioning brain. I started to find myself more attracted…
/r/seduction26/12/19 06:33 AM
-1

So are you trying to be an Eskimo when you talked about all-meat diet? My diet was primarily meat and greens. "All" meat is hyperbole, but I used it without thinking since you said "all meat diet" in your comment.
/r/seduction26/12/19 06:20 AM
2

I grew up on an all-meat diet and it did nothing for my myriad of autoimmune issues shrugs
/r/seduction26/12/19 05:48 AM
7

Fitness: Get more disciplined about going to the gym. I'll be disciplined for a few weeks or months, then all motivation is suddenly yanked out from under me and I fall flat on my face. Really fucking tired of it. Career: Start working on unfucking my school's language curriculum so I can do my job more effectively. Passions: Stop using my indoor hobbies as an escape from problems. Start doing my outdoor hobbies alone instead of relying on when my friends are going. See if I can start working on…
/r/seduction26/12/19 05:01 AM
7

I.e. if I make myself go do it long enough, I can do it longer each time without getting drained. Been there, done that, been burned out sooooooo many times.
/r/seduction25/12/19 09:59 AM
12

Following because I'm essentially the same. Just throw in obsessive, time-consuming hobbies into the mix. I'm still in the online dating stage because it's the only way that allows me to balance meeting new people and my social-battery-recharging time.
/r/seduction25/12/19 06:22 AM
2

I was thinking about this yesterday. I feel there are two types of oneitis, but most of what I read seems to ignore the second type. Type 1 This is the one that's usually talked about. It's oneitits caused by lack of self-esteem and thinking "I can't get anyone better than this." Solution: Focus on improving yourself and meet other girls. Why it works: You're building up your self-esteem and opening your eyes to the fact that you can get someone better than the girl you are pining over because t…
/r/seduction25/12/19 02:01 AM
1

Speaking for Japan here, since that's where I live, but... Loud and social attracts the young fickle chicks that play games and are often a pain in the ass to deal with. Quiet and calm attracts the older (26+) and more stable chicks. Which do you want?
/r/seduction25/12/19 01:46 AM
1

I've been in a very similar situation in the past, and sometimes still have to deal with certain aspects of it. First, therapy can help the emotional side. Second, the anxiety and and managing how much people drain you is something that you cope with through experience. Third, and this is what I found true for me, is that there are people I can connect with. It's just a smaller number of people compared to your typical extroverted socialite. Keep going, and you will find them.
/r/seduction25/12/19 01:43 AM
4

No matter what happens we're going to have fun! Getting laid was ALWAYS secondary This is always a struggle for me with night game, because the only thing I really enjoy about nightlife is the getting laid part. Everything else is rather.....dull.
/r/seduction25/12/19 01:40 AM
1

How have you framed oneitis to be a lesson instead of a scar? I still remember an amazing girl I hooked up with 4 years ago--not really oneitis these days but the memory is still scratching on my back door occasionally. It would be nice to get rid of it.
/r/seduction23/12/19 12:09 PM
1

Where do your hobbies fit in this matrix? My social battery needs frequent charges.
/r/seduction23/12/19 07:39 AM
4

It took me three hours to fall asleep last night because I was beating myself up about not going for a kiss on the 2nd date. I saw the eye glances. I didn't have the stones to lean in for it. Or pull her in for it. It is incredibly damaging. Even if you know this, the hardest part is controlling it, especially when your mind is idle.
/r/seduction23/12/19 07:34 AM
1

Is there a "go/no-go" distance? Closest I can typicall get is about 15~20cm, which feels really far to me. All of my successful kiss closes have been from way closer than that, but those times I got the eye IoI and she physically moved her head closer to mine--basically giving me the opportunity. Recently all the girls I've been out with give the eye IoI only and nothing else, leaving me with that 15~20cm gap to fill.
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:42 AM
7

I walked out knowing that I did the best I could I think that's something I and others need to think about. It's easy, for me at least, to ruminate about failures and missed opportunities. Had one of those last night where I saw the IoI for a kiss, but wasn't agressive enough to close the distance and go for it. While ruminating about that one failure, I lost sight of the fact that literally everything else during the date was perfect, and I was simultaneously dealing with a throbbing headache a…
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:32 AM
9

Instructions unclear, now playing Red Hot Chili Peppers.
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:27 AM
12

Something I just learned myself the past couple months: Check in every so often with a cheeky comment or question. This is probably better between first and second dates when you know more about the girl though...I've noticed most girls on Tinder/Bumble are absolutely shit at giving you material to work with.
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:25 AM
1

Oh so you're into dominant teacher role-play?
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:19 AM
1

In regular social circles, I simply don't have much to say. Most people talk about crazy shenanigans they were involved in while inhebriated, while I've been busy getting my scuba license or something. That adds a bit more value to me than Tequila Chad, I think, but it doesn't make me stand out against other guys in the group. Sometimes, not standing out can help. At least here in Japan--don't know about the US or other Western countries. I remember a few years ago I totally missed an opportunit…
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:17 AM
2

Board games. Especially something like Cards Against Humanity.
/r/seduction22/12/19 03:13 AM
1

Mine is just risk-aversion and low self-esteem due to 18 years of helicopter parenting where the smallest failure resulted in overreaction, and 18 years of being verbally harassed in school. I'm successful in my hobbies and (relatively) successful at my job. I just keep finding myself in relationships with "safe" women and then realize they aren't quite what I want a couple years into the relationship.
/r/seduction22/12/19 02:37 AM
2

Do you just move in to close the distance? I have many missed opportunities where I saw her glance down at my lips but, even though we had proximity, there was still a decent distance between our faces. I'm a bit of a risk-averse person and just couldn't become aggressive enough to close that distance and go for the kiss. I'm mentally kicking myself in the ass about it now.
/r/seduction22/12/19 02:31 AM
2

Any info on their "smart picture" setting that supposedly displays your most popular picture instead of the one you have first in your album? How does Tinder consider it? Does it alter the types of girls who appear in your stack? Does it make your card less visible?
/r/seduction22/12/19 02:26 AM
1

Yes. However, the "white=attractive to locals" stereotype no longer holds any water in 21st Century Tokyo.
/r/seduction22/12/19 02:13 AM
97

More than the fear itself, it's the sweaty armpits, jittery hands, and blank mind that I have the most issues with. Only way for me to suppress them has been alcohol.
/r/seduction13/12/19 09:25 AM
3

Girls don’t talk to me That's because the majority of girls expect the guy to initiate, as annoying as it is. and when I start a conversation they just seem uninterested. What do you talk about? You should be getting them to talk about themselves. 80/20. I teach English abroad and the rule for teaching a language is 80/20: Students talk 80% of the time, the teacher talks 20% of the time. I take the same approach when meeting people. Or at least try to.
/r/seduction13/12/19 09:15 AM
1

As a trained and experienced language teacher, this is patently false. Teaching kids who have plenty of language knowledge but are shit at actually using the language is my day job.
/r/seduction12/12/19 09:28 AM
3

Good at finding where you have troubles, but terrible at helping you learn how to fix them. I have difficulty with two of the pillars due to uncontrollable (and unchangeable) circumstances.
/r/seduction12/12/19 09:27 AM
3

And this is where I struggle. The things I truly enjoy in life are my solitary introverted hobbies. Which do not make for an attractive personality.
/r/seduction10/12/19 10:14 AM
1

I guess it's best to push it until you get a hard rejection. I recall past hookups where the girl didn't reciprocate physicality at all and she was okay with sex. The problem was that they were all either dead fish or just not that great. The good ones all reciprocated physicality.
/r/seduction06/12/19 09:51 AM
1

I have a hunch that Tinder's toxicity is dependent upon country or even region. It hasn't been too bad for me in Tokyo and I'm like a 7-8 out of 10 on a good day. Over 6 weeks I've had 55 matches, 8 planned dates, 4 actual dates, and 2 of those dates have led to (scheduled) 2nd dates. If my routine weren't so inflexible I wouldn't have missed the other four dates and I probably could have gotten another 4-6 scheduled. Could have gotten laid at least once if I weren't apprehensive about bringing …
/r/seduction06/12/19 06:36 AM
1

I feel attacked. (Seriously though, I really struggle with this one:) You’re not okay by yourself and just crave someone to tell you you’re enough
/r/seduction05/12/19 08:43 AM
1

I'm attractive. My game sucks. I only get laid out of luck.
/r/seduction04/12/19 07:52 AM
1

Gifs are your friend.
/r/seduction04/12/19 07:52 AM
3

Let’s not encourage people here to randomly grind on chicks from behind and call that good game. Exactly. This is why pulling from clubs in Tokyo has been getting more difficult. Girls are too guarded, and a large number of them literally go just to dance. There's even segregated seating at some clubs here.
/r/seduction04/12/19 07:51 AM
4

I think you're conflating building sexual tension with foreplay, here. Sexual tension comes first, to convincer her to come to your place. Then you take her to your place for the foreplay.
/r/seduction04/12/19 07:49 AM
1

That's....literally the same with every human regardless of whether or not your trying to bed them. Which, in effect, does not make it seduction advice at all. That's just Socialization 101.
/r/seduction04/12/19 07:43 AM
27

I always have issues with advice like "connect with women." It's so vague it's almost unhelpful. How does one connect with women? One response is, "having them believe that you care and understand how they feel." Also vague. How does one make a girl believe that you care? How does one make a girl believe that you understand how they feel? Better yet, how can one actually understand how they feel?
/r/seduction03/12/19 09:26 AM
1

Would you recommend setting a date immediately after getting a positive response, or is it better to have a couple of exchanges of positive banter before setting the date? Also, any clarification on "neutral" versus "positive?" I'm working in a different country where explicit sex talk like in the video simply does not work with the locals.
/r/seduction02/12/19 09:18 AM
3

B A L A N C E Jerking off to porn every day will kill your game. Jerking off once a week, not so much. I don't understand why moderation is so lost on "reeeeee porn/fapping kills your game" people.
/r/seduction02/12/19 09:09 AM
2

physicality can be useful in that it will give you objective feedback that a girl likes you. Do you have some tips for reading the feedback? I don't have a good benchmark since I never gamed back in the US, but I imagine if the girl is receptive to physicality she doesn't just accept it, she reciprocates. Is that correct? I'm finding that here in Japan, girls don't reciprocate as much, but they also don't pull away or reject it. Given the submissive/polite culture, I'm not sure how I should read…
/r/seduction02/12/19 08:59 AM
7

Suggestions for hotel pulls? Tokyo is a big place where most date spots are going to be too far from your place, and the ubiquitous love hotel is the only option. Last trains ended at night? Easy. Afternoon/evening date where "want to watch a movie at my place" would be good, is now "want to watch a movie at a love hotel" and doesn't quite have that plausible deniability to it.
/r/seduction02/12/19 08:53 AM
5

I have to rely on kino, which for me only works in situations like billiards where I can have my hands all over her while teaching her how to play. Sex talk generally doesn't go over well with Japanese girls (conservative slut-shaming society here), so I don't bother with it unless she brings it up first, and I suck at sexually suggestive talk anyway. Concrete-linear thinker with a single-core, single-threaded squishy CPU. That single thread is busy keeping up with the conversation. I also have …
/r/seduction01/12/19 02:30 AM
1

I get the picture while sitting here at my computer, but never in the moment. The rings/accessories thing is easy (if they're wearing any). When they're not I'm usually too focused on being an active listener to keep the conversation flowing to really improvise anything.
/r/seduction01/12/19 02:20 AM
1

Are there any sources for climbing this ladder while at a restaurant or something? My date preference is some activity where I can get my hands on her, but way too many women just want "drinks" somewhere, and there's always a goddamn table in my way. Most I can get is hand touching and feet/legs touching under the table.
/r/seduction01/12/19 01:40 AM
7

The only age limit in life is death. I'm 32 and am getting more attention from women than I ever did in my 20s. Still can't convince them into my bed very well, though.
/r/seduction01/12/19 01:36 AM
2

It's prevalent enough that even Japanese PUAs (who get laid more than me) complain about how many serious girls are on hookup apps. I suspect it has something to do with traditional cultural expectations of girls getting married and popping out kids in their mid-20s, and how Japanese men basically ignore anyone over 26 for a serious relationship. I still go in with the goal of escalation though.
/r/seduction01/12/19 12:38 AM
1

Another factor is that your local women are attracted to "exotic" men. Not just because they look different and have cute accents, but because they are an opportunity to fuck someone discreetly with no commitment. I've always wondered if being an expat hurts me here (Japan, not Spain). There are many times I'll go out with a local, and one of the early questions is "how long will you stay here?" I have zero energy to maintain lies or a fake persona, so I tell them that I don't intend on going ba…
/r/seduction01/12/19 12:19 AM
1

That this conversation could go anywhere and it's okay but there's things you want to do or say. Then you'll learn faster Got any tips for moving the conversation away from "anywhere" and more towards the things you want to do or say? My conversations always end up "anywhere" except in the girl's pants (figuratively or literally).
/r/seduction30/11/19 04:34 AM
2

I was going to post something entirely different, and then realized that this is actually what kick-started me into jumping back into things....oof.
/r/seduction30/11/19 04:27 AM
1

Wish it were more American style here. It does get me dates, but trying to figure out where things are going is frustrating. Particularly since most Japanese girls are incredibly submissive and don't reciprocate much.
/r/seduction30/11/19 03:34 AM
1

Hell I’d even want both a girl that’s good at fucking me and has racks that’s lit I think for guys, at least for me, is wanting a girl who's both good at fucking me and good at giving a shit about my existence outside the bedroom. All of my partners who have been good at fucking me have been takers and not givers.
/r/seduction30/11/19 03:29 AM
1

Similar issue here. I use my lack of knowledge about popular shows and things to get them to teach me about it. Downside is it tends to derail my conversations and I have trouble escalating to more exciting things....or I just get bored.
/r/seduction30/11/19 03:19 AM
1

I'm good looking when I put effort into myself and I get nowhere further than kisses on the cheek because I'm an introvert with niche hobbies who rarely gets stimulated by conversation. Looks only get your foot in the door.
/r/seduction30/11/19 03:13 AM
1

I feel Tinder is flipped here in Japan. Of the Japanese that use it, 95% of the profiles say "no hookups" and/or "serious relationship only." If you try any innuendo, you're going to get unmatched or ghosted. Not to mention a solid 75% of the profile pictures are landscapes, food, pets, and maybe the back of the girl's head or her left ear.
/r/seduction30/11/19 03:03 AM
1

My dad, although he’s basically a good guy, always criticized me, pointed out things I did wrong, and hardly ever complimented me or seemed proud of me. My mom, very sweetly, always helped me out way too much— buying clothes, making appointments etc. The result was that I was passive (my mom taught me I didn’t have to do anything) and worse, I was scared to try things because my dad taught me I mostly did everything wrong. And because of that, I never left the phase where I needed my parents rec…
/r/seduction27/11/19 07:52 AM
3

Same. Dealing with it now after being ghosted post-date. I don't know if my standards are too high, or if I just know what I like/want.
/r/seduction27/11/19 07:43 AM
1

Take some time off and consider what you really want from life This balance is essentially what I really want from life. My career is set. I'm working on my body at the gym. I'm unhappy if I don't have the time to pursue my hobbies/interests. I'm also unhappy with subpar social skills and a raging sex drive that goes unsatisfied most of the time. If I can't fulfill those needs, I'm unhappy. Thus, what I really want from life is fulfillment of those needs. Time is only one issue. Energy is anothe…
/r/seduction27/11/19 07:28 AM
1

If you focus on one passion and become proficient in it to the point where you gain recognition, people will start to notice you. If your passions don't fall into one of those four categories, then you're basically SoL without essentially adopting a different persona. Passions aren't exactly chosen. Some are molded by your environment while growing up. Some are discovered later by things that interact with your personality, which is also largely molded by your environment while a child or young …
/r/seduction27/11/19 07:21 AM
1

Next time dont joke or ask to sit next to her, if you want to sit next to her, just do it like this is the normal way. I keep reading conflicting information about "ask permission" vs. "just do it." The former camp claims it's good because it shows that you respect her, while the latter camp claims it's good because it shows you have confidence and are a man of action. I'm not sure which to go for?
/r/seduction26/11/19 09:00 AM
2

The moment she goes from a woman that looks like and acts like she's not into me towards anything else, then I know she's finally decided I'm hot. Maybe this is just my past experience getting burned (hard) by flirty girls who weren't actually into me, but isn't it dangerous to assume "if not 0%, then 100%"? I know what a woman looks like when she's not interested in me, but if she acts "anything else," reality is anwhere between "it's her job as customer service" to "she's friendly," to "she's …
/r/seduction25/11/19 01:27 PM
2

I know when women want me to touch them. I know exactly when a woman is attracted to me. It's glaringly obvious. Is there an ELI5 to picking this up? I've only seen "glaringly obvious" with two women, both my exes, and I have never seen it to the same extent with any of the other women I've ever met. It's been either zero, or so subtle I don't recall it until I'm in the shower a week later.
/r/seduction25/11/19 10:19 AM
1

I've been trying Bumble and Tinder, but Bumble has netted me about half the matches Tinder has, with another half of those matches timing out without the girl sending any messages. There don't seem to be many users here either. I have my search settings set to 22-45, 40km radius, and it's not uncommon for me to only see 2-3 cards at a time.
/r/seduction25/11/19 09:09 AM
1

Okay, maybe, But then I read.. I'm about to say something, then this gets dropped in... I don't see anything wrong with my statements about my personal expriences. Or what's wrong with using dating apps. Yeah, this is trying to write a symphony with a butterknife. I don't follow. How often do you have extended fun conversations with Japanese men that you've only met online? What's the relevance? I'm not gay so why would I be meeting men online? Because it seems like you're really not thinking ab…
/r/seduction24/10/19 09:03 AM
2

I'm already doing those three but the conversations are dry and lacking in what makes girls laugh.....
/r/seduction23/10/19 08:53 AM
4

I'll have a wet dream after 14 days without an orgasm....
/r/seduction23/10/19 07:38 AM
1

As others have said, just talk to them like normal people. You can show them through your actions of flirting and body language that you are interested in them, but never out right validate them. This is where I always find myself in a Catch-22. "Flirt but don't compliment" seems mutually exclusive in many situtions. The only flirting I really understand is kino, though...
/r/seduction20/10/19 09:36 AM
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