New Years Eve, I'm hanging around the bar at our local pub with some buddies. A group of girls walks over that I had briefly opened earlier in the night - they are looking for shots of tequila. As I'm sort of dominating the physical space around the bar, they all come and surround me and my friend, and I get to chatting with one girl. Having been focusing more on entering conversations of depth and purpose rather than simply escalating (a problem of mine, given that I can run into some problems of making quality conversation), I continue conversation with this girl, going over our interests, chatting about life, travel, music, etc. - essentially things we are passionate about and care about. It's a good conversation - a number of times, her sister and best friend return to the group, and she tells them she'll be back over at the table soon. I take this as a major IOI, assuming that she's hooked. Eventually, we both head back to our respective groups after agreeing to hang out in the new year, and exchange numbers.

To be honest, I was happy with this interaction, and although I didn't physically escalate quickly (or at all, really), I felt that the conversation did me well. In an attempt to get over my outcome dependence, I try NOT to kick myself for not kissing her or taking her to the dance floor.

Later in the night, she is on the dance floor, and she ends up making out with another guy. Normally, this would have deterred the crap out of me, I would have immediately discredited the interaction as uneventful - after all, why would she go make out with another guy? This was a major beta thought process that damaged my outcomes. This night, however, I was more aware of conversation and emotional investment as a currency in pickup - I understood very quickly that its not about who wins the race to the k-close, or wins the race to the bedroom. Having an interaction that didn't necessarily escalate physically quickly does not spell the death knell of a set.

So at the end of the night, around 1 am, I'm leaving the bar, and shoot her this text:"Hey [name], its kdelamon, the guy who is moving to England! Happy new years, crazy lady!" (pro-tip - I have almost never gotten a bad reaction from using "lady" in an informal way. It establishes that you are the man relating to her as a woman, not friend to friend, in my opinion.)

Almost immediately, I get: "hii!! I'm really happy you actually texted me! :) [blahblahblah about the new years]"

From there, the text interaction was good - flirty, fun, but still maintaining the tone of an actual deep conversation.

And from this, I learned a few things:

Its not necessarily the fastest escalation that does the trick. I got the sense from this girl that she was interested in conversation, not just physical. With her demeanor and attitude, she, without even knowing it, taught me exactly how I could seduce her - by being interesting to talk to and dealing in the currency of emotional investment, not just physical.

That guy she's kissing later in the night? That's his prize; he's an AFC who is ready to jump on anything she will give to him. You, kdelamont, are far more interesting, complex, and at the end of the day emotionally attractive than he can be. Let him enjoy his k-close while it lasts.

Each girl is different, and will provide you a different seduction road map every time. Being present and in the moment will allow you to know which direction to take.

Now, I shoot her a text last night telling her that I would love to hang out with her and stuff before I leave for the UK; we eventually hammer out a day that she's free, and she takes the lead and suggests that we meet up, grab some food, and go see a movie. Normally, I hate the crap out of movie dates, because they offer so little in the way of possibilities. But if the girl wants to include me in her movie plans, I am happy to allow her to lead. For the record, however, I will still be meeting her earlier and keeping the date moving around - coffee, shopping, random crap like that - in order to escalate.

Some of the takeaways form this are fairly obvious: don't give up on a set, be aware that not every seduction is purely physical, and that being a conversationalist is sometimes much more effective than being physically stimulating.