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[–]ZigsZag2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
text her first, dont ask about a decision, remind her you're alive without being needy.
If she's moving on friday text "hey, come have drinks with me at X on thursday before you leave" or something.
I think consistently that people overthink the "oh, should i text first or does that make me seem desperate". Often the answer is; "No, it makes you seem like you want to (see/get together with/fuck) that person."
[–]STX415 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Congratulations on your success. Your persistence paid off.
As others have mentioned: texting first does not make you needy or desperate. It shows you still have interest and makes your intent clear towards the other person. The key lies in what you send. A text like "so where do we stand?" bleeds insecurity (and thus comes off as needy) so avoid asking her if she's reached a decision.
Instead, I would assume attraction and plan a date as soon as possible. It's unfortunate that she's leaving soon, but use that as a catalyst to meet up again and see what happens. A possible playful hook that just came to mind could be enticing her with a "a going away present". And don't forget to play off your Clark Kent dynamic, you sexy dog.
Good luck.
[–]ShakeN_blake 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Would you agree with the other posters here that I fucked myself over in the text conversation I had (see my other post in this thread), or should I try calling her to set up this "going away present?"
[–]STX415 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
TL;DR: Yes. Move on.
Reading that transcript made me cringe. Let me explain why:
I hate small talk over text. I hate small talk in general, but wasting time talking about nothing over text is absurd to me. And in that rare cases I do, it's nearly impossible to convey the tonality, sarcasm, and emotion that I want. For me, texting serves two purposes:
1) Setting up logistics for a date
2) Fanning the flames of interest when I cannot do it in person, either through references to inside jokes made in previous meetings or through sexual tension/innuendo.
To text about anything else when it comes to women I'm trying to date is a waste of time.
On to you. First off, great job taking my advice about asking her where you guys stand. I'm sure she thought long and hard about it. Secondly,you text like a classic nice guy who's afraid to get sexual. "Tickle the armpits and wiggle my nose in your face" Really? Calling her a "strong woman", mentioning "love poems"? Disgusting. Without dissecting any more of your actual messages, the main thing I gathered was you were texting her all that floofy gay shit to show you were still interested, hoping she would reciprocate by asking you out.
9 times out of 10, that won't happen. You must internalize the idea that as that man it is your responsibility to show intent by being direct and asking her out or inviting her/yourself over. Once you do, you can begin to learn how to leverage the experiences you two had in person to steer her emotion over text and have her itching for a second date. The sidebar posts on text game would be a good start.
I get that you have a romantic personality, but save that for your in person interactions. Remember what Thomas Hobbes said about text game: Man's texts should be direct, mysterious, sexual, and short.
[–]ShakeN_blake 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, I knew I should've waited till some responses came in. I texted her first, and this is how it went:
ME: Good evening Clare. Hope you slept well last night, my hotel room felt like a sauna after you left! 😂
HER: Lol really?! It's because there were no windows in that room, I swear!
ME: I think you're spot on, it felt like I was cutting weight for wrestling all over again haha!
HER: Oh god, I can imagine! I have to have my bedroom at sub-zero temperatures to sleep properly, lol
ME: Haha you would sleep snugly in my room which is basically the same, I'm wearing socks 24/7 so my toes don't become icicles 😂 ME: Melting away in that hotel room was worth all the fun we had together last night. I've learned your weakness: tickle the armpits and wiggle my nose in your face. 😜
HER: Haha yes, I'm a simple person that way 😜
ME: Well I think the way you laugh when I do that is not only adorable, but also rather exciting 😉 you weren't such a simple person when it came to teasing me in bed either haha
HER: Haha well, it wasn't necessarily my intention to tease - I was just so exhausted last night. I'm a bit stressed at the moment 😥
ME: not something serious I hope. Does it involve moving back to your house in Edmonton?
HER: Oh no, not to worry, definitely nothing serious - just life's usual peaks and troughs!
ME: Nothing a strong woman like yourself can't handle, eh? 😉 Have you reached a decision about us and the future (once you're back in Edmonton), or is that something you need more time to think about?
HER: Haha awwwe, well thank you 😊 And I think I'll need more time to think about it, if that's okay?
ME: You're most welcome 😉 and yeah, that's okay. I understand the situation you're in right now. ME: It's tough with school, law school no less. But there's just something about your passion and creativity that tugs at me. I've never felt the words come so easily when writing love poems till I met you 😄
(One hour later)
ME: Anywho, I gotta start work extra early tomorrow, so I'm off to bed. Have a good night Clare 😃
No response from her since. Did I completely fuck myself over with that last text? (I had written her a poem for our date Monday, and she really enjoyed it. Followed up with a kiss.) I'm wondering if there's any way I can recover, perhaps try calling her tonight to set up a date for tomorrow? She moves back t Edmonton Friday morning.
[–]themadmacbook 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yea, you are fucked dude. You were fucked the second you sent the text, but now you are most certainly fucked. Just move on dude, nothing good will ever come of this
[–]ShakeN_blake 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I thought I could get away with asking her that question because we had already been intimate together on our first date Monday. But it seems you always have to maintain frame and be unattainable, never let your guard down or else you're screwed.
[–]Cesare_MA 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bruh this shit too long
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[–]ZigsZag2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]STX415 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShakeN_blake 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]STX415 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShakeN_blake 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]themadmacbook 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShakeN_blake 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cesare_MA 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link