The other day I went to grab a drink at the pub with my friend. It was about 3:00 pm so pretty bright and early. Our waitress was a sexy little brunette that I fancied.

So after she asks us what we want to drink I ask her, "So does this place pay their waitresses better than place b?" We get to talking about how it really depends on the night and what the tips are like and I'm maintaining eye contact and not fidgeting. I asked her if this was her main gig or not, and she told me she's actually starting classes to get a psych degree. I'm actively listening and I respond with a "Oh psychology, that's interesting. You can use what you learn to manipulate people without them knowing it." I threw that little tease in there and she responded with a genuine laugh.

At this point, the conversation is going swimmingly and it almost seems like she doesn't want to leave. The pub wasn't super busy so she had plenty of time to talk and chat. I kind of give her the hint that I want to talk to my friend some more and say "so yeah, just the drinks. we won't be eating today." So she leaves to get out drinks and me and my friend continue talking and drinking.

She came back to the table at least two more times to ask us if we wanted another round of drinks and each time she came back I more or less captivated her into 15 minute conversations, this time about where she's from, how long she's been in the area and even her plans for her upcoming birthday in Vegas and her trip abroad to basically party. I made sure not to interview her and actively listened and followed along to what she said. I would interject or make some comments but it was more of a 70% her talking and 30% me talking kind of interaction.

When I asked for the check, I asked her, "Do you also work weekends?" She said not usually so I simply said, "We might be going out on Saturday, you should come." She sort of beat around the bush and said "Well...I don't really know what I'm doing this weekend." So I simply responded, "I'll text you." And with that she punched in her number on my phone and said, "Well sure I'm always happy to make new friends." BUT, at that moment, my friend asked a simple question, "So you live nearby right?" And she turns to him to say "Yeah I live here, but my boyfriends lives in xyz." I took her number, we paid, and I told her it was nice to meet her.

Not a bad set I would say. I don't care that she has a boyfriend, it was really more of a test for myself. I asked my friend if I appeared nervous and he told me I spoke clearly and in his eyes, I was pretty smooth. I think what I can improve on is add a little kino or physical touch as the only time I touched her was to shake her hand. I would normally escalate or touch more but I felt slightly uncomfortable as she was the waitress (I'll power through that inhibition next time). I definitely think Nick Sparks's advice on active listening helped me as I noticed it seemed like she was continuing the conversation with little input from me. I did my best to maintain strong body language (sit up but relaxed), my voice was clear and audible (speak from diaphragm), I didn't shift or look around the room when I didn't have anything to say, but I do still find extended pauses uncomfortable which I shouldn't as they can create sexual tension.

Meditation and zen has really helped me too. I take parts out of my day to just really blank the eff out. It has really helped me silence my inhibitions and not care what people think about me. I might text this girl, I might not. I just think it's all good practice. Let me know what you guys think I could better!