This is from last week but I'm just now getting around to writing it.

The evening in question last week was the only night I could get out all week, so I was pretty determined to rage my face off. I did a little too much of this, as you will see.

ACT 1: Mess on the Pants

So I drive from work to the bar neighborhood roundabout 6:45pm and park. I change in my car from my work clothes (suit) to jeans, a flannel, and boots. I had a little bag of blow left over from my birthday a week ago, figure it's like 2/3 of a gram. It's in a huge sketchy looking ziploc though, so I wanted to transfer it into a smaller ziploc, even though I didn't intend to carry any with me that night or do any.

I'm in the driver's seat trying to pour it in and, of course, I spill some of it all over my pants. I now have COKEPANTS (which I take a photo of, because why not?). I finish pouring, delicately, gently, and then brace myself for the inevitable. There's blow on my pants, and I'm sure as shit not letting that go to waste. I pull my pants down to my knees while trying to keep it all on there, push my legs up to the steering wheel, roll up a $20, and start snorting the spilled blow off my own pants in a parking garage.

It's 7pm at this point. NIGHT HAS BEGUN

Act 2: She's too hot for me

Having now done a little yayo off my own pants, I decide to bring the rest of the bag with me. I didn't want this to be a coke night, but it sort of forced itself upon me, so fuck it, I'm going to do the rest of the bag.

So I head to a friend's place for a quick 5-minute hello because he has to stay in and work, and then I'm off to a favorite local bar to meet up with one of my wings (a Sedditor). This guy is awesome and I know I'm in for a good time. I'd been doing too much "social circle" bullshit lately and while the pull rate is terrific, it's a lot less fun and a lot more predictable than cold approach. This dude and I do very well at cold approach and he's a lot of fun, so I'm amped.

1 more quick bump in the bathroom. I get out, head to the bar, and he and I start pounding beers.

I approach some cute asian girl (who has an older friend) and ask her some contrived horseshit question about whether or not my friend should blow a tranny (not kidding, this was my opener). She's very receptive, lots of kino, I'm trying to see if I can offend her because DGAF, she's being super cool. At some point her older friend gets embroiled in lady-drama on her phone, texting, and it becomes obvious that it's time to bounce.

I run outside for a smoke, meet some broham, talk him up, go inside, meet his friends. Turns out his friends know my wing, blah blah.

I get a text from the girlfriend of my friend (the one who's staying in because she has to work). She's a hot hairstylist and she and her hot hairstylist girlfriends are at another nearby bar, including one girl in particular I'd heard a lot about but never seen. She wants me to come over, so we bounce.

We get to this bar and there's 4 girls. My friend's gf ("boston", henceforth), 2 others (both cute enough, 7-8s), and the aforementioned other girl I will henceforth refer to as CHICK. Chick is 5'10" HB9, pixie-cut platinum blonde, incredible body, backless shirt, cowboy boots, perfect face. The kind of face where if you busted a load on it, you'd be ok with dying the next minute. Chick is fucking legit, and I immediately and despite my best intentions think "this girl is way too hot for me, I'm going to stay for 5 minutes and then bounce, I don't want to waste my time on this one." This girl is my height when she's in flats.

Chick and Boston are sitting together so I talk them up, and my wing talks up the other 2 ladies. I'm pretty much focusing on Boston, just being friendly, catching up, and occasionally drawing Chick into the conversation. I notice I am getting a little bit of eye contact from chick so I try to get her more involved, I make fun of their salon, I high-five her for being a Libra (her hand lingers...?), etc. I show Boston my cokepants photo from earlier, and Chick wants to see also. Chick laughs a lot, and I start to think about whether or not she's down to party. I start laying it on a little thicker, I've got my arm resting on her shoulder, she's "styling" my hair, tons of eye contact, etc. I look at her and say "I think I'm going to the bathroom" with like laser focus eye contact, then walk away.

Sure as shit, she gets the picture. I'm in the bathroom and 3 seconds later, she waltzes in. These are unisex single-person bathrooms, for the curious. We each do a bump, she says "you look really good in the bright lighting in here", I tell her she's my new favorite person for saying that, make out, do another bump each, make out some more, and then I walk out.

By time point, my wing has fucking vanished. He didn't do too well with the other 2 girls and decided to bounce, I don't blame him. Greener pastures, homeboy. So I walk back to a group of 3 girls and they KNOW what I was just doing. I'm grinning like a dumb shit, Chick walks up behind me, puts her hands on my shoulders and says "lets go to another bar".

Act 3 - The Fuckup

So just to clarify at this point, the blow is all gone. We're walking to another bar and I'm just a little too talkative with Chick on the way. A little too hyper, a little too eager, but not terminal. We walk up to this bar and I spot a short busty blonde out front surrounded by like 9 dudes. I tell the girls to go inside, that I'll meet them.

I go up to short girl and ask for a light, amidst the sea of dongs surrounding her. She obliges, and the guys are like "oh well, I guess we'd better go". Turns out that none of them were even with her, and she's not unhappy to see them go. This wasn't even my intention, but I'm not going to waste the opportunity. I'm saying dirty shit to this girl, about how she's tiny and I could throw her around, about whether the tip of my dong would fit in her ear, etc.

We go back inside, I meet her friends, and I introduce her group to the girls. Everyone is having fun....although Chick is looking markedly less friendly now. It occurs to me that I probably shouldn't have broken off from the 9 to go chat up the 7, but I just wanted a light from the 7. Oh well, I figure I can salvage. As time passes on, Chick just gets surrounded by dudes, some of which she claims to know, so I don't interfere. I'm not going to hover, after all. She appears to be having less and less of a good time.

More time passes, Chick and the other girls tell me they're going home. I'm pretty fucked up at this point and I'm all like "oh sorry if I did anything to offend/bother you, blah blah, sorry" like an idiot. I was being DUMB. Don't do this. Anyway, they leave.

Another girl I know shows up, talking to her, I open a few more sets with her around (yay pivots), get a couple #'s, etc.

I get a text from Chick saying "afterparty?". Did not expect this, thought I'd totally hosed it. We go back and forth, she's not sure if she really wants to, says she has no weed/booze/food or anything at her place, I'm like fuck that who cares, I'm coming over. She sends me her address, I head over. This is like 2am, mind you. Bars have closed.

I get there and figure I'm there because she wants to hook up, which apparently was either not the case or I was just doing it wrong. We smoke a bowl (I had a tiny spot of tree left), etc. I keep trying to make out with her again and she smiles but won't let me. I'm OFF MY ASS (oh yeah, I'd had a Xanax at some point earlier, forgot that). I'm a sloppy motherfucker, and she intimates that it's time for the party to end.

I leave gracefully, mind you, but I figure that this brief relationship is probably at a close, primarily because I got too messed up and didn't keep my game tight after the initial buy-in from her.

Act 4 - The Follow-Up

So I text her the next day telling her I lost my driver's license at the bar, I apologize for being a sloppy fuck, say "hey lets hang out again some other time". She says "yeah".

I leave her a voicemail on Sunday like "Hey it's Clam, shout at me". I get nothing back................

.....

...

....until yesterday afternoon, when I get "hey my phone's wonky, just got your vm. What's up?"

At which point I proceed to ask her out for TONIGHT. We go back and forth some, she actually tries to get me to come out last night (I couldn't), but says yeah OK, so we're on for tonight.

So to be continued. Apparently I didn't fuck it up as much as I thought I did, or apparently she's WAY more into me than I thought she was. I will write a "part 2".

TAKEAWAYS

  • No girl is out of your league. Never count yourself out.

  • Drugs are bad, but bad girls like them, so if you like bad girls, sometimes it's not a bad idea to have some stuff on you.

  • Don't let the initial high of getting a top-tier girl make you drop your guard. My game had been tight, I hooked my target hard, and then I fucked it all up.

  • Don't mix tons of substances and craziness with sarging. Keep it together. I love craziness, but it is not conducive to picking up girls. It is conducive to doing things you will later have to apologize for.

  • Sometimes even when something appears fucked beyond all repair, it isn't.