First of all this FR is not going to be a normal one. I'm not going to describe the date with hostel girl but more so my feelings that hit me after the date.

Its funny how the more you experience life the more psychological problems you un-earth. Everything I touch crumbles in my hands only to slow return to the earth so it can be purified of my evil. I am a very destructive person. I self destruct my life.

Playing games, toying with others feelings and manipulating them to like me isn't fun its very tiring and hard on not only the one receiving but you as well. I see a lot of people here trying to manipulate women and playing games. I used to believe in these games but not anymore. I have become like my dad a student in manipulating. I want out now.

Its funny writing "I want out now" makes me think how do I live without manipulation? I judge women on physical attractiveness. Looks won't be around for an eternity personality and character will. Women to me are trophies to be concurred so I can stroke my gigantic egotistical cock. When should a human ever be something to concur? Is human intimacy a thing to be concurred?

Is seduction and pua just a form of manipulation and validation?

I feel extremely confident right now with my abilities. I would wager money on being able to pick up 85% of girls. I realize this is cocky but that's just how I feel. I feel confident yet very empty inside.

Whatever I have been searching for is unobtainable. Its been under my nose the whole time.

Or is this post just a manifestation of my fear of commitment and sex? Am I trying to justify these fears so I don't have to face them?

The date went really well with hostel chick. I actually recorded it and may upload it. For those really curious about what i did.

I'm not going to throw seduction under the bus, I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't around but I'm starting to see women aren't the be all end all in life and a few mindsets I've adopted from PUA are being tested.