[FR]Second date, first time using kino, lead to making out

Hi all,

I've been a frequent reader on reddit and I figured that I would let you guys know about my experience. Forgive the long post, I don't want to leave out any details.

A little bit about myself: 22/M, only been in one long term relationship. I'm also relatively new to the dating scene, I've maybe met up with 10 different women for first/2nd/3rd dates, but I never escalated things beyond a single kiss (even a kiss was rare) on these first few dates.

Story: I met this girl via online dating a week ago. We grabbed a coffee last week and talked for an hour until I had to leave for work. Today, I had a second date with this same beautiful and charming girl. I picked her up from her place and we went to a local pub that we both haven't been to. I started off this date with a hug (the same way that I began/ended the first date). However, as we got to the pub, I made it clear to the girl that I wanted to sit in a booth with her (rather than sitting across from each other at a table). From there, it was rather easy to make small initial physical contact (brushing her arm, putting my hand on her thigh, etc).

As we were leaving the pub, on my way out of the booth, I held my hand out so that we could leave the place holding hands (hands down, best trick I've learned from reddit!). On the way to my car (which I intentionally parked 100+ feet away from the entrance), I randomly stopped walking, and told her to hold on for a moment. I grabbed her by the waist, moved her closer to me (gently), and kissed her on the lips. After this kiss, I gave her a quick peck on the lips again before we continued walking.

On the way back to her place (driving in my car), I put my hand on her thigh while we were talking about random topics. I noticed something that made me feel great: she reciprocated and put her hand on my thigh, which I've never had that happen before. Once we got back to her place, I walked her to her door to give her a goodnight kiss, which she turned into a makeout session, right at her door. I did not go any further than this because she has work in a few hours, plus I wanted to leave her wanting more. But the point is, I went from someone who wouldn't kiss until the 5th+ date, to making out on the second date with the potential of going further, all thanks to a little effort and reddit reading!

[–]Scarcozy 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]cjnu 4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]phobia43[S] 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]flippant-geko 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Yass_King 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Yup. Nice work. It’s really all about setting up that touch a bit in the middle or towards the end of the date, then pulling back. Anticipation is a powerful, powerful aphrodisiac.

A few weeks ago I had this first date with this absolutely gorgeous woman - professional, poised, as smart as she was beautiful - and I could feel the chemistry almost immediately. So about 20 minutes into drinks I stopped talking, looked into her eyes, and took her hands in mine from across the table. We both awkwardly smiled as I let her hands go and I knew shit was in the bag.

Talked for another hour or so, occasional touches on the shoulder, etc. Building anticipation, giving hints of intimacy. Then when it was time to say bye, I leaned in outside the bar to give her a little polite kiss on the cheek.

She fucking attacked me and we ended up making out for more than an hour, on the streets. First date. No, we didn’t have sex that night but we did on the second.

[–]phobia43[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]Yass_King 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

For the second date I just met up with her for a drink like I did with the first. Granted, we had trouble tearing ourselves away from each other at the end of the first, so we both already knew the chemistry was ridiculous. But for the second date I just gave her a little hug and kiss on the cheek when I saw her, and we just sat down with drinks and talked.

After about an hour or two of conversation - which was really easy with her because we were so compatible - I asked if she wanted to check out another bar. She said let's just walk around. So we took a stroll through the city, and because we had already made out before and everything was going great, I just stopped her at a corner, pulled her to me, and kissed her.

That started another marathon public make-out session. I suggested we at least find a more secluded spot, like a park or something, and we made out more there. But eventually even that was getting awkward, with occasional people walking by, because I had my hand up her skirt by this time. So right as I was getting her really hot through her panties, I leaned in close and whispered, "Should we go to your place?"

She nodded. We went. I don't have to explain the rest.

Regarding you and your girl, if she wants to see a movie with you to "cuddle up to you," and you've made out already, you are pretty much on the path to having sex with her eventually. Not necessarily on the third date, depending on how she and the context are, but most likely in the foreseeable future. Don't dwell on whether it happens on the third date, per se, because you don't want to force an unnatural situation and potentially scare her off. But if it's progressing that way, don't be afraid to ask her to come to your place, or you to hers.

Just be aware of how hot things are getting, and try to make them progressively hotter. Much of this admittedly depends on your skills at making out, if you can get a girl turned on to the point where they really really want to fuck you, even if they are trying not to. You know the standard progression: kissing, hotter and heavier kissing, hands on her body through her clothes, hands on her body under her clothes, etc. If you're kissing her neck and have your hand up her skirt, the natural next step is getting into bed.

You should be good to go. It's just a matter of time. Trust your instincts and don't force anything, but don't be afraid to get her really hot and then suggest you go home together. Worst thing that will happen is she'll say no, but if you're cool about it you'll at least have planted the thought in her mind and she will be more likely to say yes the next time. Especially if you can get her really turned on.

ETA: One thing I want to add is that you don't want to get too handsy in the early and mid stages of the date. Once you've already made out once with a girl, there's not much need to physically escalate early on - you can focus on hanging out, talking, etc. Trust me, she will be thinking of the last time you made out, and she will want to do it again (she was willing to go on another date, after all), and by depriving her of that until toward the end, you will drive up her anticipation, which will make it so much hotter when you finally go for it. So don't be too aggressive at first. You are James Bond. You've slept with hundreds of women and you are cool. You can wait a bit to get it.

[–]phobia43[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

I really appreciate your long and detailed answer. I was just thinking about this today, and thought to myself: don't go into the third date with any expectations. I know she's into me, because while we were making out, she passionately said that she could definitely date me.

There's two key reasons that I'm focusing a lot on this situation:

1) I'm legitimately interested in this girl, physically and intellectually. Although I'm currently texting more than 5 other girls every day, I'm a lot more interested in her than the other 5.

2) I don't have enough experience transitioning from making out to sex, and until I've successfully done it a few times, I'll be out of my comfort zone doing so. This is all part of the fun though.

One thing I have a question about, is the last part of your reply. I'm already thinking of the last time we made out, and I'm sure she is as well. I want to start off strong next date and make out early on because of excitement, but this would go against what you're saying. Like in your situation, I think me and this girl have insane chemistry as we couldn't let go of each other at the end of the first date. Should I take it slow intentionally to build up anticipation, making both of us want it more, or can I make a little more physical contact (kissing/making out) early on if we both really seem to be into each other (which I believe is the case)?

I'll keep you updated on the situation, thanks again!

[–]Yass_King 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

First of all let me ask: how old are you both? Just so I can have some context. Have you ever been in love? How experienced are you with sex?

I’m in my late 30s, just for reference. In other words, I’ve been around the block and lived through a variety of romantic and sexual situations. Every situation is going to be a little bit different, especially depending on what you are looking to get out of it.

It sounds like you’re really into each other. This is unequivocally good, but if you want it to last, you need to play it smart and not let sex define the next date right off the bat.

Take comfort in the fact that she seems to feel strongly about this too. That means it’s yours to lose. So I would definitely advise some restraint in the early part of the date. Focus on getting to know her better. Ask questions about her, especially on the topics that have emotional resonance. Watch the way she responds when you ask certain questions - does she get excited, or even a bit sentimental? The stronger the emotional reaction, the more you want to focus on that.

If you want to fall in love (do you?), you will need to connect with her mind, her heart, on a level deeper than sex. An added bonus to this is that this emotional groundwork you’ll be laying purely through conversation will make the later intimacy that much more intense. I mean intense. When you get into a woman’s head - and I don’t mean that in a bad way - she will go off like nitro glycerin when you finally touch and kiss her. For women, so much of sexual chemistry is in their minds. (I think that’s true for men too, even if they don’t know it.)

Just for example, the summer after I graduated high school, I was with this girl at her parent’s house, hanging out in her room. We were listening to Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” and talking about things close to our hearts. I offered her a back massage (I know, I know), and she accepted. And I’m not exaggerating at all when I say that I drove her to an organismic state just with my hands on her neck and shoulders. That wasn’t because I was a master masseuse, it was because we had already connected with our minds in the most intense way. Plus, 18 years old haha.

Anyway! Yes, restrain yourself at first. Focus on connecting with her emotionally. When she cuddles up with you at the movie, gently caress her shoulders and back, trace your fingers along the back of her neck and along the line of her jaw, but in an affectionate, not sexual way. This will drive her absolutely bananas. She’ll probably be wet before you even leave the theater.

Then continue to hold off. Maybe hold her hand as you leave, but no more. She’ll know what’s coming, don’t worry about that. But when the moment presents itself, perhaps when you have stopped in front of your car, or under a tree, and there’s a lull in conversation, go completely silent, turn to her, put your hands on the sides of her face, slowly draw her in - and I mean slowly - and give her a beautiful, gentle kiss. Chances are, she’ll explode, or at least melt. Then you can turn up the heat, slowly build intensity, kiss her more deeply. Let your hands slide from her jaw down her neck, then slowly slowly down her sternum and to her breasts.

At this point, she will most likely be hotter than a sword in a fire. That’s when you whisper in her ear that you want to take her home. So you go home - if you’re driving, put on some nice music, but don’t talk much aside from some lust-drunk giggling and quiet words. At your place or hers, go straight to the bedroom - I mean do not pass go, don’t get water, don’t talk about anything or do anything to dispel the sexual frisson - and get her on the bed and tear into her.

If you play it right, build anticipation and tension, it could be the best sex you’ve ever had.

Go get it, killer.

[–]phobia43[S] 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm 22M, she's 23F. I have very low sexual experience, mainly because I've only been in one relationship, and the sex in that relationship was bad, because the girl was boring (as in just layed on her back in bed and didn't move or show affection). The girl (23F), has been in multiple long-term relationships (4 years being her longest), and she's definitely been in casual relationships lately, but wants something more serious now.

I was just talking to her earlier today, and suggested that we do a little more than a movie. I think I'll be seeing her a few hours before the movie, and we'll be a taking a walk at the beach and/or grabbing dinner before heading to the theater.

You mentioned that when a moment presents itself, perhaps when I stop near my car outside of the theater, that I should turn to her and put my hands on the sides of her face and kiss her - this sounds exactly like what I did when I left the bar on date #2, and she enjoyed that kiss so much that she gave me her tongue (which I was not expecting). I know I'm decent at Frenching, but I think I'm still too nervous to escalate with my hands by touching her while kissing, especially in a public setting. I also fear her saying "no" when I suggest we go back to hers.

[–]Yass_King 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Dude you need to let the fact that people might be around you disappear from your mind. Don’t worry about what they might think - in all likelihood it will be jealousy. You need to do this with as little self-consciousness or hesitation as possible. That will also make it hotter, because she’ll know others are watching you ravish her and it will make her feel sexy and alive.

Don’t worry at all about her saying no. In the off chance she does, just say ok, stop, and offer to take her home. At some point before she goes home, you might be able to escalate again, or convince her to have you over, and you can try again. See: push/pull. But if it’s just not happening that night, don’t take it as a defeat or sign she’s not into it. Just go home, jerk off feverishly haha, and look forward to the next time. If you play it right, she’ll fuck you eventually. I’ve never met a woman who changed her mind about wanting to fuck me just because I kept trying - albeit in a respectful manner.

[–]phobia43[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

That makes me feel a lot better, aha.

Also, I forgot to answer part of your previous reply:

In terms of falling in love.. I can't actually tell if I have. My first relationship moved VERY slowly (as in no sex for 3 months, no kiss until the 5-6th date, no making out until date 8+, and dates were once a week). After a while, I noticed that the sex was boring and that we didn't have any chemistry, that's when I ended it. But for some reason, I'm already catching too many feelings for this girl that I'm dating, especially because we've already talked about sex. I told her that compared to my ex, I had a much higher sex drive. She then told me that she also had a higher sex drive than her ex-partners. We also agreed that sexual compatibility is important before jumping into something serious. Because of a simple conversation like that, I felt that we had instant chemistry. Although I have little experience, I feel like when a girl tells confesses that she wanted sex more than her ex-partners, she might be looking to fuck right away, but I can't actually tell!

[–]Yass_King 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]phobia43[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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