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fuck

RuralRasta · 2021-10-11T00:05:19+00:00

Basically, I haven't been laid in a while, had a perfect opportunity to last night, dropped the ball. On top of that, it was obvious to my friends that...

RuralRasta

October 11, 2021

3 upvotes

/r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	fuck
Author	RuralRasta
Upvotes	3
Comments	9
Date	October 11, 2021 12:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q5jxy9/fuck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fuck.1274565 https://theredarchive.com/post/1274565

Comments

[–]PleasantSquare 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]RuralRasta[S] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Well thank you for your sincere willingness to hear me out. I'm gonna try and summarize the relevant details over all of the emotion and logic intertwined with the events as best I can.

I guess it's just that it feels like it was a reunion of old and new friends, some I haven't seen in forever. I have been through some rough times and I know most of them know that and love and respect me and were happy to see me doing well now. That was enough for me, I wasn't expecting to actually meet a girl and put the icing on the cake of the evening. But I was sitting at a table alone for just a minute bobbing my head to the music when this blonde girl who I don't know starts gesturing for me to join them in their dance. So I go up after a few "who me?"'s self-points and she is very encouraging about it all, getting me to twirl her and vice versa. Then I saw her later with another guy doing the same so I naturally go "oh she has a boyfriend, this was platonic" which I realize is a possibility. I wasn't too phased or embarassed by that. Just that her and I dancing was on display for all to see, most who probably knew that that actually wasn't her boyfriend at all, she was single. But I did not know. And so my buddy who was getting married is definitely someone who knows me better than most so I think he was excited for me, seeing that. So at the after party which was at his house, she was there too and I'm still thinking one of the people there is her boyfriend, they're just not the type that is arm in arm all the time. But looking back I think a lot of my friends were excited for me because they know how big of an achievement it was for me to unite with this chick and that we were both there, both single. But I still had no idea she was single. So it was Just a very emotional night obviously, I could have cried with happiness for my buddy (who married a girl that I used to know as a kid, coincidentally). The after party goes til about 4 AM, I'm usually in the kitchen drinking chatting to folks, apparently she's been in the living room dancing the entire time, by 4AM it's literally me, her, my buddy (groom), his wife who is asleep in a chair, and one or two other people. Her and I got our moment alone and chatted, and it was fun. At this point I realized what the situation was. I know from experience as I have succeeded in the past that all I had to do was say "do you wanna get out of here" or whatever and it was a done deal. But I don't know man. I just got weird for a second I guess. And as soon as our conversation hit that 5 seconds of silence and not knowing what to say, she kind of strayed off, next thing I know she's sitting on the floor against the wall going to sleep. I knew it meant "this guy just bored me to sleep". The vibe in the room is very awkward now. I'm not saying everything is about me, but... it just actually kinda was all about me in this moment. It's basically like my buddy who knows me so well knows I have not always been a player with the ladies and I think he was stoked I was getting with this girl. So when he saw that I had just flubbed on the whole situation somehow, you could tell he was quite "oohh.. geez.. uh.." though he insisted I crash there but I decided to go sleep in my car because I didn't want to crash at his house on his wedding day. Just a godawful mess. There are even more layers to the reasoning for my moment of weirdness while talking to her, it just gets so personal, emotional, and trivial that it wouldn't help to get into it.

It's literally just, I feel like I came full circle, fucked around in my 20s, then at 29 make it home to see my buddy get married, all the above happens, and for me to have gotten with the chick would have been the final gratification to myself and others that I was now a grown adult man who can function and engage with these social scenarios. Sure yes, I obviously at the end of the day wish I had gotten some. But this specific situation goes beyond that. The act of not getting any has plunged me back into "I'm a failure, and I'm old now, and I was given an unexpected chance to give my 20s a traditional grand finale with my good friends, but I failed, so what's the point of anything now" mindset.

[–]TheNerdsQuest 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It sounds like the only guy who realized what happened was your buddy the groom, and since you're already very close friends from what I understand I don't think it's going to end up mattering. So in terms of the being embarrassed in front of other people aspect, I wouldn't stress it. If you think people were watching the two of you interact throughout the evening, just remember most people are too focused on their own shit to be paying that much attention to what other people are doing.

Blowing an opportunity really sucks. I understand that. I am 28 myself and I am still kicking myself for some opportunities I blew years ago when I was in school.

If I were in your shoes, I would keep pushing for that grand finale of your 20s, not that some magic thing happens when you turn 30 that makes you a totally different person.

[–]RuralRasta[S] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PleasantSquare 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I definitely know the feeling of failing to follow through and kicking yourself for it later. That was me all throughout high school and college. I’d meet a pretty girl, there’d be some chemistry and conversation, and I wouldn’t have the courage to ask her out or ask her to go someplace else or whatever. For me it was just like an anxiety thing.

From what you’re saying about your situation it sounds like it could be a self-esteem thing or just some past trauma that you haven’t healed from fully. Your first step would be to look into what’s behind that I think. Try to become a complete person and all that.

The second step is just get back into practice talking to women you like. You said yourself you’re in a dry spell and that’s something you just have to claw your way out of in my experience. Getting back in your groove is probably where you’re gonna fail the most. You can’t come out and expect to nail it on the first try, most people can’t anyway.

Lastly I just wanna say I agree with the other commenter on the fact that you’re making it a lot bigger than it actually is. The odds it was gonna be a fairytale moment with this girl you barely knew were pretty much zero. And sure 30 is a benchmark age but how different is a 30 year old from a 29 year old? Not at all really. Plenty of attractive women in their mid to late twenties will still wanna be with you when you turn 30. A few younger women will too if that’s what you’re into.

Pat yourself on the back for dancing with her and waiting for the opportunity to talk to her and mostly succeeding at that too. Don’t dwell on the one mistake you made and get back out there and make progress so you don’t find yourself feeling powerless in that situation next time it happens. Good luck

[–]RuralRasta[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

❤️ the sincerity of this response has left me so heartwarmed (yes I'm making up words). This was so powerfully insightful, wise, and just exactly what I needed to hear on so many various levels. Especially the self esteem thing... That's kind of a big part of it. I've known the groom since junior high and though they know how charismatic I can be and talented with music or whatever they know I've always had low self esteem with the ladies even though I am told I'm attractive. This girl was friends with the bride and I'm realizing she probably told her friend about me and stuff, like "oh he's so nice and fun he's just shy" which is what led her to call me up to the dance floor even though we had never met, lol. So yeah it just might look to my friends that I'm still hung up on self esteem and (actually trauma too, it's crazy how much you picked up off me) and not as functional as I made it seem at the wedding. Like they're kinda like "oh here we go again, he hasn't changed" even though I truly have. I just needed water, was tired, and was wearing Wal Mart tube socks with dress pants and shirt so I felt very unsexy. But yeah you're just so right Bout how even if I did follow through it wouldn't have been like magical fairytale ending. I just could have walked away knowing I followed through. But I mean it's not like a guy HAS to take advantage of every opportunity he gets right? Men can have their sex drives damaged, right? Anyways, thanks, and I will pat myself on the back and focus on the positives I did achieve. This comment really just made me smile and gave me butterflies; hope for my future again.

[–]PleasantSquare 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ProfessionalAffect90 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]RuralRasta[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link