since childhood as I have grown up with parents who seimed to not like my childish nature by being a child itself and wanted me to be a quite nice boy which always the parents always that has led me to become very much into a person who does not talk which led to having 0 to some level of social interaction and bonding but no long lasting and deeper bonds even as a friend of someone or someone to me and zero amount of attention from girls and women as they do not find me desirable not just buy external things of money possession accessories at sector but also the looks the grooming the fashion the body the attitude the social presence etc until now of my 20 years of life I have always right left out alone, if I ask myself a question that has ever I(only me not my external factors of position some money and whatever else outside )been desired by some person :- my answer will be no to 1 or 2 person which I lost because of my own lack of responsibility towards them that I didn't recognise, as I like someone else and someone like me so did not work out very well that was only one person from my 20 years of life. the most common thing I get as a feedback is that my mood changes often at a time I am happy another time I am angry because someone crack the joke and I didn't see it as a joke and took it personal somebody triggered my insecurity or someone showed me my real mirror that I am not desired , the truth that I was running away from and not facing it face to face or I am not funny and I don't make people laugh of an a very much I talk very very less I am not very tall macho man charming man boy or badmashiwala boy etc. I don't like this feeling about myself at all it just makes me beat myself up but that will not make any change