How do I avoid being asocial?

2012-07-06T02:41:05+00:00

As someone who used to be massively asocial I can suggest the obvious things like smiling and laughing more, but another thing would be to put yourself in situations that make you feel uncomfortable and tying your best to not focus on how awkward you think you are. I feel like my asociality stemmed from thinking that noone gave a shit about what I said which made me not give a shit about what I said.

Believe in yourself; lead yourself and others will follow.

outragez_guy · 2012-07-06T03:20:14+00:00

If you're actually asocial, congratulations! You don't need to feel validated or require human contact to the level most people do! You could be an ardent observer of humanity and make fair judgments, or become a prolific writer/comedian (pornstar?)

but it sounds like you're just a normal guy who doesn't get out much or had bad experiences, in which case, as others have mentioned: 'Be social' and get out there

2012-07-06T02:53:57+00:00

I used to have the exact same problem as you even up until a year ago. I would go to a party, socialize for an hour or so, and then literally... just go read a book or something, because I would get tired.

The fact that you are not happy with it is a very good sign - it is the only way you will break out of it. If you rely on other people pushing you, eventually they'll get tired and you'll roll back down that social hill.

Here is what happened for me that allowed me to change:

Firstly, I went into residence for my first year of university. Despite this, I was still very asocial up until about 4 months in. What happened? There were 2 main things. First of these is that I found a guy on my floor who I would go running with for an hour 3 to 5 times a week, and we'd just run together and talk the whole time. So, that got me used to talking a lot, and learning to think of interesting topics(otherwise we'd be bored for most of that hour) with no stress(if I fuck up in some way he wouldn't give a shit). Second of these is kind of similar: I started playing frisbee(just tossing it around) and pickup soccer with a lot of the people from my building. The frisbee was a great way to chill and get used to slow conversation. The soccer was great because it really allowed me to finally break out of my shell(every time I scored a goal I pretended to be a huge douche and do the Euro soccer thing of pulling my shirt over my head and yelling really loudly while running around the field).

Secondly, I got a job that literally has me talking to people 60% of the day. My previous job was stocking shelves where I literally could not speak to anyone for my entire 4-6 hour shifts. I've become a lot better at and more used to socializing after getting this job.

So in summary, if you have the option to do residence(or something similar, like if you're moving try to pick a place with more happening) and you want to become more social I'd REALLY suggest it. If you are the type of person who gets tired from socializing, if you do it more it'll tire you less(similar to working out).

Gurk3n · 2012-07-06T02:59:46+00:00

I used to be like this. Socializing just felt like a chore and it wasn't satisfying enough to be worth the effort. Might sound retarded, but after I stopped watching porn and cut way back on masturbation this changed. It's like porn was this awesome substitute for social interaction and made real interaction seem like too much effort. After I stopped it though, I gained a lot of motivation to talk to people and overall felt better about myself. Maybe this is irrelevant to you, but give nofap a shot for 3 weeks.

cablewire · 2012-07-06T02:08:25+00:00

Thank you for not using the phrase anti-social. I heart you.

My_Empty_Wallet · 2012-07-06T01:14:56+00:00

be social.

jwal245 · 2012-07-06T05:20:02+00:00

It's all confidence. Take in a deep breath, hold it, and ask what's the worst that's going to happen. Don't worry about what will happen,and you'll be a player in no time

leodoestheopposite · 2012-07-06T18:44:52+00:00

You're an introvert, welcome to the club.

If you find yourself at a BIG party, guess what? The majority of people are introverts like you, so make your own small party within a party, look around for someone who is alone, and talk to them, male or female or whatever.

There's a book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, get it, it changed the way I look at the world and at myself.

riotingchimps · 2012-07-06T09:07:12+00:00

you are probably an INTJ. Nope, no way to change. Just find the right people whose energy you feed on rather than having it drain you. basically intuitives. look up myers briggs typology if you have no idea what i mean by intuitives

Title	How do I avoid being asocial?
Author	sospid1
Upvotes	3
Comments	18
Date	July 6, 2012 1:10 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w3thk/how_do_i_avoid_being_asocial/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-avoid-being-asocial.1335282 https://theredarchive.com/post/1335282

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