I can tell that I would have more success if I were the kind of guy to casually talk to women in my day to day life and emphasize building comfort, but for some reason I’m very attached to this image of being some pretty, aloof, mysterious guy who never gives too much of himself, especially not to people who could potentially be disinterested.

At the end of the day, while I’m above average looking, I’m not some absolute stud that’s going to attract 8s-9 without lifting a finger and I’m not doing myself any favors by being overly serious and not engaging with them. If anything, I’m just coming off as a creep or a boring priss to most women who are around me long enough.

I’d say the main thing preventing me from opening up is my outcome dependence, ego, and fear of being lame and shattering my self image. My mind tells me that the less I reveal, the more attractive I come off, but I can observe other men and see that’s rarely ever the case, at least not to the extreme that I take it. Having some degree of discretion is a good thing, but you still need to engage, try to make women laugh, etc. I also have too much of a transactional perspective on relationships; to me the worst L I can take as a man is using up all my charm on a woman who doesn’t think much of me or simply doesn’t like me back. That’s the kind of thing that makes me want to pout in a corner and fantasize about glowing up and making them feel stupid. I don’t want to be a sucker giving another narcissistic person a “free” ego boost; it’s weirdo energy to a tee and I want to be better