Some events today when talking to a good friend about a girl made me realize something truly impactful. I feel like shit about myself, with no reason for it.

My friend was telling me to wait for a girl to answer and said "Otherwise you would be the one chasing, would you want that?" and I started thinking about why would I do that and the tower started crashing down.

I started realizing what I've got coming for me, and I'm no superman, but I realized the obvious, indulge me on this because I'm trying to write this on my mind (sorry if it sounds to narcissistic) : I workout a lot, I study in my country's top college, I got in with a top grade, I participate in tons of extracurricular stuff taking initiative, I debate, I read and am a movie junkie and am good looking. I have a ton of shit I want to improve, but still I'm doing great.

I told this to my friend, the full realization and she was like "Duuh, you are a bloody catch everyone knows that.".

Why do I feel inferior to everyone else? I act like I don't, I act like I'm the shit, but my behavior, my body says otherwise. Why would I feel like chasing girls around that most time when I get them I usually find them boring or annoying and drop them after a date, why can't I understand that I am enough and should act like enough, not trying to impress and shock people, not feeling like I need to beg and put them on a pedestal. Why does my voice constantly fail and I mumble most of the time, why do I feel like a peasant among kings?!! Why do I feel the need to compare every two seconds to someone, even though I know I'm in my own path. Why do I feel like I should show off to every girl in the vicinity?!!! Why is my self image tiny short 12yo me that was an outsider from other kids and felt the need to do stupid mean shit to get attention?!

Today I was going to a class where this cute girl that started talking to me online goes on, I got in and her friends all started talking and looking at me, my mind jumped to "They are talking shit about me, they think I'm a weirdo, she played a prank on me.". Only later did I realized she probably had talked about you to them dumb dude.

And this goes beyond girl x or y, it's about me feeling not enough, about trying to overcompensate for holes in me that do not exist, trying to belong, trying to impress. Part of my worse traits are caused by this need.

And then I realized even that the best times I have, when I'm debating, in entrepreneurship events, working out, talking to a goddamn awesome older-brother like successful friend and with the only girl that I ever had true deep feelings for, are when I am myself, without this awful weight on me. When I realized my shortcomings and my good traits and just go beyond, acknowledge myself and just be that person, always going forward but open and fully alive.

After this rant, what can I do to fight back now that I know the dragon that I face?