For a long time, I have had to problem to understand what neediness is to begin with. But now to some extent I think I get it. However, most times my non-neediness comes across as disinterest or arrogance.

For ex: A girl expects me to be in touch with her constantly. We can't be meeting all the time. She expects that we are in touch with each other constantly either through call or text. So, I'd say I'm busy or I'd say normally I don't text so much but rather I'd like to meet in person instead. Somehow, she ignores this and keeps texting me. Now if I do respond to her everytime she texts me, I'd be texting all day long and eventually I'll come across as low value. On the other hand if I don't reply or take a long time to reply, it'll come across as disinterest or arrogance and she may auto-reject or go find someone who can cater to her needs. If I like the girl, I'll be losing her either way. How do I balance this?

P.S: Above example can show up in different forms and at different stages. This question may have been asked already but I couldn't get an answer that I'm specifically looking for in this context. So had to re-ask