How long to hold a gaze (as a guy)?

recyclablebanthas · 2018-03-30T03:14:03+00:00

1

How long to hold a gaze (as a guy)?

Honestly, this question is already taking your eyes off the ball in a few ways.

There is no "rule" for how long to hold your eye contact with someone.
There is certainly no "rule" specific to guys, as opposed to girls.

You're talking about a social interaction with people who are all pretty different. But the easy part about it all is that 99% of the time, people are pretty easy and obvious about where they stand, IF you're actually paying attention. Instead of being in your head trying to figure out some non-existant universal rules of people.

2

I noticed a girl at my yoga class for a few weeks now and exchanged glances with her (could be all in my head). Dude.

Back the train up and stop being so damned ridiculous.

You looked at her. She looked at you, riiiight?

Unless you were on LSD, then these basic things HAPPENED. They were not in your head.

The problem is that you're trying to play three-dimensional chess and make up this whole narrative and story behind what she could posssibly have been thinking on her side, without actually interacting with her directly.

That's where you're going tits up here. You're WASTING all this time trying to figure out where she's coming from. Which would be way clearer if you only interacted with her instead of trying to "establish attraction" before you talk to her. That's not how this shit works. Attraction can only really be established as you interact with someone directly and see how they react to interacting with you.

3

Then today she set her mat up next to me...... she was facing me! and she smiled at me.

Right. It could have been incidental. She might have been trying to get your attention.

Once again, all this shit is like Schrödinger's cat in the box. You aren't Charles Xavier, so literally NO way to know where she's coming from unless you get your ass in there.

4

I always get anxious when women hold a gaze and I didn't want to seem creepy, so I broke it and looked down at the mat.

Fear of rejection is a bitch sometimes. And it's ironic. You are concerned with coming off creepy. Let's break that down. What really makes people "creepy" is:

When it's clear that they have no real regard for the concerns of people around them. And yet are pursuing their own interests, often in opposition to what others around them want.
Or someone who pursues their interests indirectly, with intent to come in under the radar without permission.

If someone actually wants to interact with you and you're breaking contact and looking away, that's not creepy, that's sad and shows lack of self-respect. And low confidence.

Which is ironic; you have someone there who wanted you to interact with them, apparently. And you basically rejected them!

Let that sink in for a moment. You rejected them.

5

I don't even think I smiled back because I panicked. I'm bad at holding eye contact with attractive women. Should I have held the gaze in this situation? I should have at least smiled..

Here's the thing.

You're allowing these thought patterns to run in the background of your own mind. Sometimes in the forefront. Thoughts that lead to you pulling into your head, panicking, etc.

And the shitty thing about it all, is that those two things, are ACTUALLY what are fucking you over.

Social interactions require your senses and attention to be OUT in the world around you. Not in your head worrying, panicking, and trying to figure it all out internally.

In that situation, you have to shout down the voices trying to put you down and panic you. Pay attention instead of withdrawing inward.

6

Another chance to show my true interest in a woman I like and I failed.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

"True interest?" What the hell does that even mean? You don't even know this girl. "True interest" already sounds like way too much mythologizing.

We're talking curiosity at MOST here.

And you seem to think that there's some proving ground here. Completely false. You created the proving ground for yourself and fucked yourself over.

The truth is that someone looked at you. And smiled. And you let fear turn that into the girl being ready do judge you. Think about that for a second. Someone SMILED, and your fear distorted that into you thinking this girl was putting you on scales, judging your worthiness.

Utter bullshit. The only scales were the ones in your head.

Think back to when we were all little kids. It's really that simple, as the time when all the kids were mixing on the playground. We just make it more complicated.

iLikeGrapes1 · 2018-03-30T01:57:48+00:00

I noticed that attractive women hold gazes much better than anyone else. Do they hold it to test your confidence?

MrBangle · 2018-03-30T02:13:14+00:00

I usually just wait for other people to look away but sometimes that intimidates people lol. But in your example a quick friendly smile would be fine and if you start to panic just take a deep breath and slowly close your eyes again, making it look like you're really focused or "in the zone" with the yoga pose you're doing. Although maybe if you talked to her sometime you would be more comfortable around her... idk

hunterpua · 2018-03-30T16:56:26+00:00

You can actually break eye contact first. Just don't do it because you were scared but because you moved your attention to something else like maybe you look over to the mirror or the instructor.

But yeah, you should have smiled.

2018-03-30T05:03:22+00:00

until she looks away. be dominant its really fairly obvious. unless your going for sum stoner im too famous act which is harder and more nuanced than just being genuinely interested. really a lot harder and requires good looks for sure.

Title	How long to hold a gaze (as a guy)?
Author	iLikeGrapes1
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	March 30, 2018 1:38 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/886ssu/how_long_to_hold_a_gaze_as_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-long-to-hold-a-gaze-as-a-guy.1443967 https://theredarchive.com/post/1443967

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