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[–]brianbria 7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Most of the posts in this subreddit are about how to sleep with girls or where to meet girls but absolutely skip on how to flirt.
That's coz flirting isn't always necessary to get laid. Getting laid is the end goal. Flirting is just something that sometimes happens. People say it increases attraction, but if you're already attractive to the girl you are approaching, or you are confident, you don't need to flirt really, you could just hold eye contact, stand close and and escalate instead. I flirted with a girl for a year at work and it went no where. Escalation is way more important. Don't worry about flirting imo.
Think of it like this. A guy who does magic tricks may get laid, and many guys who do magic tricks may get laid, but to get laid do you need to do magic tricks? Hell no. Flirting, joking, teasing, long conversations, qualifying, are all things guys think they need to do to get laid, but you don't a lot of the time.
[–]Machiavellyy 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
So what's escalation then? Is that just asking a girl out?
[–]brianbria 6 points7 points8 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Escalation would be mainly moving things forward.
So hugging, holding hands, touching her back, going in for the kiss, asking on a date, removing clothing are all escalation. Depends on where you are, and how comfortable she is with you. Start with small things like standing close. If she moves back, then she is not too comfortable yet. If she remains where she is as you move closer to her or even moves into you, that's a great sign. If you are inches from her face and she isn't moving back or looking at your lips, really good sign. Keep moving things forward like that, if she seems uncomfortable, back off. Forget flirting that's for entertainers, not seducers. If you feel like flirting in the moment then go for it, but it's not necessary.
If you have an hour this will be worth your time. Really good vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3Z4Nq0OrrM
[–]true_gunman 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I would consider escalating to be a form of flirting. What is your definition of flirting?
[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Teasing, bantering, playing, having fun with each other with sexual undertones is what I associate with flirting.
[–]true_gunman 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay. That makes sense.
[–]IAmDude 4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's a great video on YouTube about flirting, by school of life.
Basically, flirting is just making the other person feel appreciated and valued. Flirting is also a way to verbally play with different scenarios to test out their comfort zones with you. Doing it verbally first is key because girls are at such a disadvantage physically that it's scary for them. But talking about sexual or romantic shit in a playful way gives them safety to draw their boundaries and see how you react to them drawing those boundaries.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So there's this girl that I've been talking to for a short time at work. She's a classic "oneitis" kind of girl.
You're already off the rails.
If you're talking about oneitis, then you're going to be overthinking the hell out of all interactions with her.
I've never been in a relationship before in my life and am clueless on flirting. I think I sound more awkward and aggressive than I try to be.
Being in a relationship has little to do with flirting, really.
It's in the dictionary. We're talking about being playful. Talking to someone and not taking yourself or them or LIFE too seriously.
You think you're being too aggressive, but absent more information, the likelihood is that you're either being too passive or too aggressive. Either one being the result of you being too focused on your own internal process of anxiety.
What do I do? Do I just walk up to her and tell her a joke? I don't want to be the weirdo clown of the room.
Jokes? Where did you come up with this?
No. Jokes aren't necessary. At all.
I see guys just so effortlessly walk up to girls and hug them with the girls eyes lighting up waiting to tell them something. These guys hug and talk to a bunch of girls and I just feel so amazed on how they are able to do that.
Sounds like you're describing middle or high school.
I go to the gym and am pretty fit and decent looking but I am just too rigid. I'm far from shy, I talk constantly and never shut up and tell a fuck ton of jokes to the girls I don't have a crush on.
Why'd you ask if jokes are the thing if you're already doing them?
Cut the jokes out. Stop talking so much. You have two ears. Listen more.
Try listening more and let the girls hold up their end of the conversation. Better yet, devote YOUR end of the conversation to getting them to talk.
Listen. Ask follow up questions. Etc.
Do you guys have any steps or list of actions to do that work in general with women. Like a day-to-day formula that could work.
No.
No steps. No formulas.
Every person is different. Every girl is different.
The easy part is, if you LISTEN, every girl will tell you what you need to know.
™I am obviously awkward as hell and have no clue what to do.
Yes I do. You stop talking so much.
Stop telling jokes.
[–]Machiavellyy 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Got it. I thought jokes and making them laugh was the way to go. Obviously not... thanks
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just cut yourself some slack.
It's really not so complicated. I mean really, everyone's sense of humor is different.
Anyway, it's just as simple as listening way more, and talking less. People, women included, will give you all the material you need, if you let them.
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[–]brianbria 7 points8 points9 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Machiavellyy 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]true_gunman 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]true_gunman 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IAmDude 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Machiavellyy 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link