Hey guys,

Essentially, I've been going through the journey of life like we all do and had some bad times with girls. Currently 16, and yes I acknowledge I have plenty more time left. Never had a girlfriend; last time I kissed a girl was December 2014. For a horny af 16 year old lad, it is nigh on torture. I see guys getting loads of girls, girls fancying them and so on, guys treating girls badly and them still loving/liking them despite it. Oh, and girls going for guys who really don't care much for their education, get into trouble and so on.

First off, a little background info: Blond hair, blue eyes. Not bad looking, currently a model (not too much work, but grateful for anything I do get :D ). Plenty of hobbies, interests and ambition. Not built, but not thin and lanky: working on building my body up into something girls love, and that I love. I have traces of Aspergers. Very very very small traces. Made me quite introverted when I was younger, but I've changed so much since then. I'm 'popular' around school (i.e. majority of Year 9, Year 10 and Year 11 know my name) but I have no strong friendship group, circle and so on to go out with. Many acquaintances but no real close friends - in a way I really want the kind of comradeship soldiers have between each other, but in a civilian kind of way.

I've got a really strong moral compass; if I see a kid getting picked on, I have to go over and stop it. I hate wrongs being done to people and like to try right them. Which is why girls who get f*cked over by the wrong guys over and over again gets to me. They get used, some even give up their bloody virginity (pun intended) to a guy who really couldn't care and who has had plenty of other girls in the past.

Now, here is where my internal conflict comes in. Part of me wants to be the guy who can easily get with and bed girls (over the legal limit of course, I won't go very far with anyone under, if anywhere). The guy who girls talk about and who they fancy. The guy who girls themselves message first and so on (never happens with me at the moment).

At the same time, I want to keep my morals and integrity. I don't want to be the guy who screws a girl then leaves her. I wouldn't get with a girl unless I would consider getting into a relationship with her (never had a girlfriend up to now, another source of bitterness I need help with). I try to have honour. Sounds strange, but the notions of bravery and honour in the military (and in particular Rome's legions) are really important to me.

When I see and hear of these girls texting, getting with and sleeping with guys who couldn't care less or very little about them, I get mad (by the way, some of these girls are 15-14 Y/O - immature and foolish. Not all, which is the thing which annoys me). I know why they do it, and at the same time I don't. Part of why this bothers me so much is that I know I do not love myself enough, I am not happy enough with myself yet, and that I'm not confident enough to not let it bother me. I try to, but it does.

I'm on a path of self-improvement Redditors. I'm meditating, getting to the gym, cold showers, listening to motivational speakers every day, waking up early and going to bed early and so on. I feel like my mindset and the bitterness I am struggling to get rid of is holding me back from my true potential (like many of you, I've had quite a few nights in the past, like few years ago, where I cried all night wondering why girls didn't like me and so on). I feel like the damage I did to myself back then lingers still. And I want to release myself from their chains.

Thank you.