Hey guys so this is my situation

My whole life i was depressed, but shit went serious when my mother got cancer. I started drinking gaming and didnt study at college. I was really sad. Things went worse. Her situation was worse as days passed. She died. When she died 2 months i was like fucked up. These months negative thoughts became part of me. Now im meditating 3rd day, work on my social skills because i didn't go out as i wanted the last year and didn't talk to people at college. Now i started studying harder, but those negative thoughts keep popping up when facing a challenging situation. I used to have sick flash game, not really great results, but better than now. I want to become better that i was. I feel extreme anxiety and i got stuck up when i need to talk with random people at college. I noticed this is because of my negative thoughts. I pump up before going to college, but that feel eventualy goes away, so i need to work on my beliefs. This is temporary solution, but what do you suggest? I will fake it till i make it, but im open to suggestions