I'm 19 and I've had this 30 year old from work hitting me up and giving me hints but every time I try to hang out she bails. Until last night when she had my friend invite me to the bar they were all at for a comedy show because they werent carding.

So I head out and meet up with them. Have a few drinks and talk with her as best as I can. She was really wishy washy all night. Completely all over the place. And they rarely finished her sentences and would just say "y'know?" And I didnt. Because I had not a clue what she was saying.

About 1:30 she starts talking about dipping and was back and forth about me coming then me not going and so on. Finally I just asked her: "straight up do you wanna fuck?" I warned her it was going to be blunt and so it was! She of course said yes. We go back to my place and are trying but she just seemed so uncomfortable. I tried my best to make it as comfortable as I could for her and asked if she wanted the lights on or off, etc... but she kept it up. I told her we dont have to if she doesnt want to. I'm not about to force anything on her and she always replied "we dont have to if you dont want too.... I want to." Or something like that. So we made out for a while. I tried escalating but she seemed resistant. Finally we both undressed and she gave me some oral. I tried to return the favor but later learned she hates getting oral. She didnt communicate at all. Zero. I had no clue what she wanted ever. At this point I was so out of it I couldnt even keep a hard on. The condoms just kept coming off.

Then her boyfriend started calling so she dipped out around 3:30. As we were dressing I told her this was kinda a trainwreck (I took the blame when she asked If its her) and it doesnt usually happen like that and it's because of the alcohol (I did drink two vodka drinks, 4 or 5 beers, 2 shots of tequila, and some other stuff) . I told her next time will be better. She gave me hugs and I walked her to her car. That was that. Lots of hard work, cancellations, and dedication ended in embarrassment, and a huge case of blue balls. She did seem relatively receptive to trying again I think. But then again I was still drunk so who knows.

Anyways, what do I do? I'm new to all this. I've been with one girl before last night and she took control over every situation so it was never awkward like that. I feel so embarrassed and let down.