As the title states, my relationship to dating is, if not toxic, then somewhat disrespectful. Last summer, I was one of those douches who was obsessed with having a high bodycount, and as with any skill, the more you do it the better you get. But truthfully, I never really enjoyed the sex all that much, I liked the ego validation; the imaginary idea that I was some sort of highly attractive sex symbol, but the rest was very average. I grew up with very little dating success, so when I suddenly had the opportunity to sleep with attractive women, it’s almost as though more girls, more sex, more.. etc. was a way to prove to myself that I wasn’t a complete failure and to disprove an uncomfortable mindset.

But, completely unsurprisingly to an outside onlooker, this made my view of women unhealthy and dehumanising. I was always careful to be respectful when IRL, and largely I don’t imagine myself to be a mysogynistic dickhead, but nontheless over time I had rewired my brain to think of attractive girls as things for which my ego could make itself comfortable.

On numerous occasions, this led to some feeling disrespected, often while texting. Like doing reps in a gym, I imagined dating to be failure, failure, failure and then success. The obvious problem with that line of thinking, is that women aren’t fucking dumbbells, and if you make a mistake you don’t get to just walk away, waiting for the next one to appear, while still believing yourself having basic human decency.

Now clearly this is a pattern that needs breaking, and largely, I have broken it in behaviour. But if anyone’s being honest about anything, that mindset is still there, and I absolutely loathe that. No one should be treated like a happy pill for to be used, or a piece of meat for to gorge on. And yet, as a guy, fuck, as a human adult with functioning intestines, I still have my desires and want to pursue them. But healthily, respectfully, and so that when both parties walk away, we can do it with a smile.

I don’t delude myself, clearly talking to a large amount of women is, for me, a bad idea. But try as I might, the loinclothed, pleasure deprived ascetic lifestyle has not yet presented itself to me is a viable lifestyle choice. Jokes aside, clearly the answer is balance, to pick my battles and to do so with thoughtfulness and empathy to whoever might be on the receiving end of my babbling.

I’m looking for a healthier way to see women, to slowly change up my mindsets about how to do dating. Any who have experience with that, or who have ideas on habits to create, I’d greatly appreciate your input.

Yours truly.. eh.. partially /Random reddit man