I keep getting to the same point...

dbugbackagain · 2019-01-08T10:49:28+00:00

Well... online dating is weird there's not really a way around it. It can only help to accept that before meeting up. Who cares if it's awkward! Just breathe and start a conversation. Maybe just acknowledge the fact that you are de facto strangers to release some tension.

Even the worst case scenario isn't that bad really: Let's say you sit there, mind blank and unable to think of a word. Just relax and hold the tension. In 99% of cases she will start a conversation.

Wether or not you are ready... I'm gonna leave you with a chinese proverb I like: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Good luck with your tinder girls!

canarywocoalmine · 2019-01-08T19:17:49+00:00

My advice is think of it as practice. The first few times you meet someone it's a little weird. After a while you get good at meeting new girls and making them comfortable.

Paltenburg · 2019-01-08T14:38:17+00:00

we show up to a bar and don't know each other.

You know what this means; You have a lifetime of stories to tell!

Just remember all the good stuff you've ever done, make a top 10, and start talking about the greatest stuff that ever happened to you in your life.

Qrasp · 2019-01-08T11:03:43+00:00

Online dating is weird.

Sorry to hear about your ex too.

It's worth giving a shot, don't worry about being this or being that, just be yourself (as cheesy as it sounds)

You're at a stage where it feels foreign, and it does for everyone, though I understand the added stress due to past circumstances.

Maybe have a cheeky drink or two prior to the meeting, get yourself socially lubricated.

If you're awkward who cares! You're clearly attractive enough to be meeting these females, and you've been with females in the past, you've got all you need.

If it's awkward, or if you fumble words or you're shaking it seriously doesn't matter. If you try to hide it the girl will sense you're off and most likely find it unattractive.

Lots of girls find nerves cute (in a good way) but only if you own it, as I said if you hide it or at least attempt to it will end up worse.

Hope it works out for you bro.

2019-01-08T13:46:23+00:00

Kinda. Like I manage to chat the girl up but then realised we didn't really connect or have anything in common so I can't actually be bothered wasting my time. Applies doubly if she's only JUST cute enough that I'd have sex with her at all and not actually 'hot'. Because I'd rather not get laid these days than invest time into doing it with someone mediocre.

Maybe we're just taking the validation and feel good chemicals that 'a girl wants to meet me' shoots into our brain but we don't actually want to meet her, just to know that she would.

Maybe just do it though and see what happens? I met with a chubby indian girl off bumble the other day, purely because she was assertive and asked me out. I wasn't into her physically at all but we had some great conversation. I kept it platonic on purpose because I just can't do fatties, but it was a fun night. You don't have to go into it with any goal or outcome in mind.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-01-08T15:58:48+00:00

1

I manage to chat with some girls and then eventually I say "Hey we should get drinks sometime!" They say, sure. And then I just let it sit there.

I'm pretty busy at work.. and I travel often....

So........ in summary, you get some girls on the line who are ready to meet up, you suggest doing so, they agree, and then you unintentionally tell them to fuck off by ignoring them after that.

Side-note: you do realize that a lot of guys here have been posting about how they don't know how to get as far as you're getting on those apps? They'd kill to get where you are and you're just throwing it away. :P

2

I got out of a pretty abusive relationship last year. Girl was cheating on me and I entered my personal hell.

Maybe I'm not ready for it?

Probably not. How many months has it been? :(

Anyway, sorry to hear that. Though I hate to say it, this will likely cast a bit of a shadow on your dating life unless you are mindful of it as you move forward. With that in mind, a couple questions:

Has that ever happened to you before?
How long were you with her?
How serious was it?
Did you live together?
How did you find out about the cheating?
How did you meet her?

Again, sorry to hear that happened.... :(

3

I also feel weird if I let too much time pass after the "hey let's get drinks sometime!"

Well, for starters, you shouldn't make your proposal so freaking vague. :P

You're not asking, really. You're wussing out and hitting the e-brake with a message like that. When you propose meeting up, you need to be specific, not wishy-washy.

Sometime? No. Just say you're going to do a thing at a specific time and place, and you invite them to join you.

Make it a thing you will like doing even if they don't end up joining you. Make it a fun thing and the train leaves the station with or without them, so to speak.

4

I also feel weird in general with online dating... we show up to a bar and don't know each other.

That's life. Not just online dating. You meet strangers all the time that you never met before.

So what?

But maybe that's not really the thing. As you say, you're likely still a bit gun-shy after the betrayal you made reference to. That's natural.

Title	I keep getting to the same point...
Author	falltoohard
Upvotes	1
Comments	10
Date	January 8, 2019 8:55 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/adsfer/i_keep_getting_to_the_same_point/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-keep-getting-to-the-same-point.1460151 https://theredarchive.com/post/1460151

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