I lack courage.

DaygameCode · 2025-01-19T14:13:52+00:00

You have both ego and anxiety influencing you.

Girls who i don’t like hit on me and want to sleep with me, so why would i destroy this image and try with a girl i actually like but who could reject me?

Yes, that is ego indeed. The ego comes up with that thought because it relies on other peoples approval for you to feel good about yourself or to feel like others respect you. Girls giving you attention gives you validation, even if you are not into them.

It’s creates the belief that “girls never reject me, so that means i am attractive and worthy”. But if you had to test that belief by approaching a girl you like, the ego knows the result is not in your control, so instead looks for excuses to avoid approaching and face a potential rejection.

The ego would rather you avoid the whole thing, telling yourself that you don’t like her that much or that maybe it’s not the right time to approach her, than to risk ruining the belief it created, by getting confirmation from her that you are not attractive or worthy enough for her.

But here is the thing your ego doesn’t understand, when a woman likes you it doesn’t mean you are actually universally worthy or attractive, and if she dislikes you, it also doesn’t mean that you are actually universally worthy or attractive.

Women are not objects or tools of self-affirmation for you to figure out how much you are worth based on their acceptance or rejection of you.

If a girl likes you it means that she connected with you, she is not dictating or telling you that you have value, it just means her preferences align with who you are. You are not worthy just because the girl liked you, you already were worthy even if she would not have liked you. Much like if you don’t like the girl it doesn’t mean she is unworthy of you or unattractive to other men, it just means your preferences don’t align with who she is.

She is worthy and you are worthy regardless of the outcome, regardless on whether you two connect or not, because every human being is valuable by pure virtue of existing.

Instead of seeing a rejection as proof of how much you are worth, you need to see a rejection as the natural state of people who don’t connect. Not connecting is normal, not everyone has to vibe to connect well with others. It doesn’t mean they are lesser for not connecting exactly with one individual person.

You are not friends with everybody in this world, and yet you don’t act like you are unworthy when you are not friends with a particular person.

So you need to make leave with rejection by interpreting it the right way which is that you simply did not connect with her, without acting like not connecting is something shameful.

“When you study for an exam really well, multiple practice exams, and all that, you couldn’t be more ready but for some reason you are still scared to take the test.” Perhaps, some way I could practice it without looking like too much of a creep

This is not ego, this is anxiety. Anxiety exists to predict catastrophic future outcomes in an attempt to get you ready for those situations that anxiety knows you are not ready to handle, and which would lead to shame, or uncomfortable situations or bad outcomes.

The words, “I want to practice without looking like a creep” give it away. You feel that approaching women who did not indicated to you explicitly that they want to be approached by you, would be met with hostility from those women. As if you had no right to approach.

Obviously anxiety kicks in as a result because it’s trying to warn you that if you approach her, you wouldn’t know how to avoid a potential hostility, which would put you in an uncomfortable position.

So, what you need to think is “how to convince anxiety that you are going to prevent those outcomes from happening” which involves anticipating the most likely objections those women could have:

Here’s a structured approach:

Anticipated Objections:

The group may feel tense because they came out for a “girls-only” outing and are not expecting to interact with men.
They might also wish the guy would wrap up his conversation quickly, so they can continue theirs before you interrupted them.
They may not want to feel obliged to give you their attention simply because you initiated the conversation.

These reasons could naturally lead you to feel anxiety or fear about approaching girls. Therefore, here’s a strategy to address these concerns:

Show Empathy: “Hi, I usually avoid interrupting conversations because I understand you came here to enjoy time with friends, not to engage with guys.”

What: “However, I wanted to make an exception because i wanted to tell you something” (Circle bait to build intrigue)

Time Limitation and implied consent solicitation: “real quick”

The girl says: “Ok what is it?” (consent granted)

Why: “The thing is that you caught my eye as you shine like a star, and I’d just regret it if i didn’t try to meet you real quick. My name’s Ernes…”

Analysis of this opener:

Empathy serves to demonstrate social intelligence and build trust by showing that you understand their situation without needing them to explicitly state it.

A time limitation or time constraint, helps them relax by ensuring they know the interaction will be short, alleviating some of the tension from the sudden intrusion. Take in mind that, you don’t wanna invade their group for too long.

Asking for permission acts as a conversational hook, creating intrigue or curiosity to want to hear more, and giving them a sense of control, making them feel less pressured.

Giving a reason why evokes emotions, making them more open to the idea of engaging with you.

I’m a coach, so if you need any help with cold approaching, anxiety, confidence, and ego. You can book a call here with me.

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-01-19T14:15:26+00:00

I remember when I started what helped me were two things.

First was warm up sessions. Just talking with strangers, asking for directions etc. sometimes I had to do like 30 sets before could start conversation with a woman.

Another thing was a realisation that u just have to do it. It’s like when u have a tooth pain and u go to doctor u don’t want to be u still do it. So is the same feeling. Same necessity for the approach.

Dandys3107 · 2025-01-20T11:31:47+00:00

Being courageous in the meaning of blindly forcing things towards almost certain rejection is just stupid. You should be smart about your game. If you feel there are positive odds and well fit plan, you just need that one spark of motivation. Instead of pushing against your emotions, try to analyze situation deeper, expand your opportunities, improve your qualities, learn small step moves that don’t require for you to pressure the girl and be blunt with your intentions. Remember that almost all approaches that are accompanied with big struggle do not result in success.

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-01-21T20:09:37+00:00

You are dealing with dynamic social homeostasis.

In short because you are not used to it, your ego takes over and finds reasons not to take the risk.

It has more to do with exposure theory than anything else . You need to gradually expose yourself. Start in your comfort zone then progressively try riskier and riskier things . I was in the same situation in 2024 it took me a couple of weeks to overcome it.

What do you feel comfortable doing at the moment? Eye contact? Just going out ?

Title	I lack courage.
Author	StaffSignificant6777
Upvotes	16
Comments	7
Date	January 19, 2025 1:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1i4ynwh/i_lack_courage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-lack-courage.1541575 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541575

Comments