I need advice what to do

norwegiandoggo · 2025-01-12T16:13:56+00:00

I think it's pretty normal to have these feelings. Most guys grow out of it as they mature and get more dating and relationship experience. If it's really all-consuming and causing you a lot of issues, then I think you should seek out a therapist to help you reframe those beliefs.

MilkMaidHil · 2025-01-12T16:37:21+00:00

Your self worth does not come from others. It comes from you.

Realistic-Fee-3440 · 2025-01-12T16:19:48+00:00

You feel that way because they possess something we want but the only way you get over the fear of rejection is by actually being rejected. You just learn to live with it until it doesn't bother you anymore. Always remember you're a winner, all men go through this stage. You're not the first and you won't be the last.

DaygameCode · 2025-01-12T18:33:35+00:00

Confidence is a process which involves many steps.

Internal dialogue. The way you talk to yourself heavily impacts your self esteem. If you keep thinking things like “i don’t know why i even try” “i always fail”, “i am a loser”, “im an idiot”, “i suck with women”, “someone like me does not deserve to be liked or loved by women”... All of those thigns you say to yourself in your head will make your less confident in a steady manner. Because you are basically being a bad friend to yourself. If you talked like that to your friends when they fail, they would tell you to fuck off because you are making them feel even more shitty about themsleves. But when you do it with yourself you allow it, you keep attacking yourself and that destroys any self esteem you may have left.
Self acceptance. The problem is not having flaws. The problem is not accepting yourself with those flaws. You might be short, ugly, etc But the main problem here is your attitude about it. Girls are testing your character and strength. For girls the main problem is not that you are short or ugly or whatever flaw you may have, the problem is hating yoruself for having that flaw. That’s what the girls notice that you are not comofrtoable in your own skin, you aren’t happy with who you are. And that’s what turns them off more than anything. And yes girls will test you, they will call out your flaws. If you are fat they will say “you are fat”. That’s because they need to see your characte, your reaction to see if you truly feel good with yourself or are insecure. The way you react changes everything, if you act with self pity, embarrasment or anger you fail with women. If you choose not to take the “attack seriously” and can see that they are just testing you, then you just joke and say something like “Honey, this body screams sex appeal”. You just simply show her words don’t affect you, because you choose not to take yourself seriously. You simply are happy being fat and you know they aren’t really insulting you, but testing you. I don’t take seriously any tests of my character because it’s all a game for me. And when girls see that they quit the tests and stop being comfortable around you.
Accepting rejection and not basing your worh on it. The problem is you assume rejection = I’m worthless/inadaquate/loser... This makes you highly insecure since you based your worth on someone else’s judgment of yourself, a judgment that carries more weight than the judgment you have on yourself. You don’t know your worth or you don’t even appreciate your worth, so you base your worth based on what other people decides has value. As if their word was law, as if their criteria was the correct way to measure value, and your own criteria was the incorrect one. Why do you assume a person you know nothing about has a better criteria than you? What makes her qualified to have a better criteria? Nothing, and yet you let her opinion or judgement affect you emotionally. I choose my own criteria and i decide that everything about me is worth a lot, and if others don’t see that, i simply assume their criteria is bad. You may think this is a delusion, but you are also deluding yourself if you think their criteria is better than yours when you know nothign about them. So if you are gonna delude yourself, at least delude yourself in a way that benefits you.
Rejection doesnt mean you are undesirable, it just means you don’t connect with someone. A girl rejecting you means you are not compatible, and that you don’t connect with her emotionally or sexually. That isn’t a reflectio of your worth, or desaribility score. It’s absrud to imply that because not everyone you like has to like you back then that means you are not likeable. The problem however is that because you hate rejection then as soon as you get a 5 of them, then that’s it. That is enough for you to determine that no one in the entire country likes you. But what happens if you learn to deal with rejection? What if you learn to not take it personal so that it no longer affects you? What if getting rejected did not carry any emotional weight on you as if you offered them a chewing gum and rejected it because they don’t like it? You would not fear rejection and you would be ok taking more chances.
Silencing your ego. This wierd need to fit in with others, to seek their respect and approval. The need to prove yourself, your worth, your manliness, to other people. The need to project an image of success to other people. The need to make sure that you avoid rejection because then other people would think you are a loser for getting rejected, so you would rather avoid rejection than having your image that you want others to believe destroyed. Your ego wants to be equal ot others, or superior, but never inferior. Your ego cannot accept the idea that you are not as perfect as others, or as smart, or as desirable... Your ego cannot let others to think of you as inferior to them. But you are not your ego, and your needs should not be the needs of your ego. The ego is fake, it’s just an abstract image you have of yoruself or which you want others to believe. It’s a facade, a front, and that facade has no benefits because it’s fake and fragile.
Resilience: Every failure, every rejection is nothing but an ecperienec to learn and do better the next time. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from challenges and adversity, and growing and learning from those rejections, failures. You need to embrace challenges with girls as opportunities for growth and learning. Rather than fairing rejection because you don’t want proof that you are not worth anything, seek rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience and improve your skills for future trials. The same way you would play a videogame. When you play a game, you fail because you are a noob at teh game, but with practice and training you become better at it and lose less times and win more often. Same goes with girls. You only become better the more you practice. Books can teach you skills which helps you to improve hence why i recommended them. And when you improve your skills with girls your results also improve, which has a positive effect on your confidence.

To conclude:

To get over the discomfort of approaching women, you have to force yourself to deal with the things that makes you uncomfortable until you learn to manage it, so it stops being so uncomfortable. I’m a seduction coach in this area and pickup, so if you need any help, you can book a free call with me here to expand further on this:

Onzalimey · 2025-01-13T00:03:59+00:00

Letting go-David Hawkins

Dandys3107 · 2025-01-13T09:06:30+00:00

The thing is that you are totally denying this message. If you do so, they you will naturally get anxious and threatened when they inevitably return to the surface of consciousness. Instead, you should try to "negotiate", take some feedback from these thoughts and implement it to become better. Obviously women should not determine your value as a human being, but completely ignoring their perspective is not very reasonable. Balance yourself.

Title	I need advice what to do
Author	DracoMuc
Upvotes	3
Comments	6
Date	January 12, 2025 4:08 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hzpy5v/i_need_advice_what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-need-advice-what-to-do.1541017 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541017

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