i started to get to know you before uni. we met several times, it all seemed fine and dandy. i know you were never really that attracted to me from the start, especially since i rushed it and insinuated how i felt too early on, but we continued to be friends. i got over you, and the feelings came back. i can't cope with myself or how i think, i always have to go to other people for help. we saw each other a few times the last few weeks, i thought it went well except last week when you told me about the guy you liked and you stayed over mine that night to "just sleep" as a friend. what a fucking downer. i started to accept at this point that i stood no chance at all. perhaps i was to wait and see this through, get to know you more and hope things developed thereon. but nope. maybe i'm overthinking things, of course i am, i always do. always. but since we met Tuesday, which went fine as usual, you haven't spoken to me. at all. i'm always the one to message first and it pisses me off. yeah maybe you don't like me but i'm the only one to put any sort of effort into our friendship. i ask how your day was and what you got up to yesterday and the reply i got was "what do you mean?" do you think i'm suspecting you of something? do you not trust me? of course, alcohol-induced me proceeded 5 minutes later to ask i had done anything wrong in the past few days. seen, and still no reply. okay, i admit. i still have feelings for you. you're perfect. and i get paranoid you're seeing other guys. sure, maybe you're at home or doing shit with friends but i still can't resist checking your page or your activity on social media. it's unhealthy and it's pathetic. i know it is. i hate myself for it. sober, drunk, whatever. i'm trying to get over you but i can't. i've just cried my eyes out for the first time in so long, holding my negativity in for what seems like forever. i don't know what your problem is with me, but i'm beginning to think our friendship isn't worth my effort if you're not doing much to compensate, and it's probably not healthy with my constant overreactions. but i can't do it anymore. fuck this all.