Insecure about being a virgin

40Watts · 2013-10-20T20:15:33+00:00

I'm 24 and still got the v card. Never had a gf, dated 1 chick for a month in college and didn't go anywhere cause I was ignorant about escalating and had low self esteem. Finally quit porn a month ago and my libido/confidence/energy has gone through the roof. Just do you and fuck what other people think. Also read Mark Mason's book Models...

kingcal · 2013-10-21T02:41:26+00:00

I lost my virginity when I was 24. For a long time I was very self-conscious about it. Didn't know if I should tell her or not, had anxiety about performing, bad body image issues, etc... I'd even get girls in bed, then make excuses about being too drunk to have sex because I was so nervous. Eventually I just met a girl I really liked, we took it slow a couple weeks, then had pretty great sex for my first time.

Don't worry about it. Very few people have as much as sex as they'd like everyone to think they have. That's a very big misconception, especially in college.

Humingbean · 2013-10-21T00:12:37+00:00

Yeah, seriously. Sex is just part of it. I know it sounds cliche, but I guarantee to you that the "right woman" for you is not going to dump you even if it takes longer than a few months . . It's all about the magic, not the sex. Sex is the orgasm of the relationship, whether it's a one-night-stand or a lifetime marriage. It's the icing on the cake. Enjoy the relationship, just playing or talking, or what-not. How much time do you expect to put in having sex with a person? Most people do a lot of stuff all day and all night, and just have sex for a few minutes at a time. . . LOL! It'll happen, bro. My first time was on Kaena beach. About a dozen guys and one woman were hanging out around the fire. It was getting dark, and the conversation turned to sex, where everyone seemed to be sharing in a nice way, and then someone sort of rudely asked the one woman there, who had just left a bad relationship on the mainland, "Out of all of us guys here, who would you pick?" and she walked straight over to me and took me to her tent forthwith. She was kind, gentle, and loving. It wasn't the best sex I've ever had NOW, but it sure was THEN! After that we met a rich white guy from Jamaica who took us on a vacation around Maui, and we partied for a week! Some more sex happened, not a lot, but we had a LOT of fun! Wow, what a great break from bumming around Kihei! Anyway, the point is, it happens when it happens. Just live for yourself, and do things you like to do, go ahead and ask girls out if you want. Remember that you aren't limited. Enjoy life, and appreciate the magic of just being with someone. Sex is a bonus.

joshsway · 2013-10-20T20:30:35+00:00

don't seek an escort. Nothing is wrong with you. And here is a fact (yes, fact) for you: Pretty much every woman in the world will not care if you suck in bed the first time you sleep with them.

Misterpuppy · 2013-10-20T22:00:36+00:00

Women don't care. Going to an escort makes you seem creepy, desperate and extra insecure if you ever get into a real relationship and that comes out as a "first time" story. Or sad, just really really sad.

If this girl ditched you to bang other guys, it's because she's not attracted to you for a myriad of reasons - confidence, looks or maybe you don't have compatible personalities. Regardless, she (or any woman for that) wouldn't ridicule you after sex, that doesn't actually happen.

You're really really young. Sites like this are giving you misinformation that will stunt your emotional growth in the long-term... especially if you already think in the manner that you have posted. Women aren't objects, they're humans. And at your very very young age they are just as insecure as you are, they're just better at hiding it (or you don't know how to read them).

xD322x · 2013-10-21T02:48:58+00:00

So glad you asked this, I've been wanting to ask this on /r/seduction for forever, but I felt like I would get downvoted to hell so I usually just kept to /r/foreveralone for things like this. 23 and a virgin, and being a virgin is probably the largest thing for my AA and shyness for any reason towards females, I pretty much stopped trying to approach and figured it's not worth it anymore to try. I don't know, it's just different with me, I see where someone said that our brain is programmed to do this, but I feel like I have to think step-by-step what to do 3 steps ahead before I do it and I end up failing.

There was two times, but the first one, as soon as the girl found out I was one (okcupid answers, but we were best friends before we even knew we both had okcupid), our 1 year friendship took a downhill turn, we're barely acquaintances now. The second thing was just a physical thing, her last boyfriend was a football player for our university and we talked for 3 months long distance, but after meeting in real life, I think after she saw uncomfortable I was and how hard I was faking to be confident, she kinda just dropped everything after two days.

I mean I'm not at the buy an escort point, wayyyyy too scared for that and I have worse money problems right now.

2013-10-21T05:04:04+00:00

I lost my virginity to an escort at 24, it sucked but the next few were good. Anyway I wouldn't recommend it, if you can find a girl to do it with go for it, you don't even have to tell her you are a virgin if you dot want to. If she thinks you suck so be it, who cares. Just repeat the process until you get good.

Takarov · 2013-10-21T01:24:29+00:00

Same situation OP. What I've figured out, though, is that girls don't care if you're a virgin or not. Why would they when they're told all of their life that it's a bad thing if they aren't? Hell, if you can read/feel someone else's body well enough, they won't even know until you tell them afterwards. People are so concerned about losing their virginity, essentially, to impress other guys. Tell me, how relevant is impressing a dude when you're trying to pick up girls?

colucci · 2013-10-21T04:24:42+00:00

I feel that if I have sex with a girl she'll be turned off by my inexperience or ridicule me (I would never bring it up till after though)

Ridiculed, unlikely. Turned off, most likely. But losing your virginity is all for your betterment and your good. You want to stay virgin forever and disappoint most girls you date? Fuck no, screw one girl to get that shit off your chest and move on. If she's down for FWB, awesome for you, if not you're not a virgin anymore at least. With the gf i lost my v card to, I told her I had three relationships before her because I was insecure about my virginity. Do I regret saying this? Yes, sure, but it made feel better about myself.

Now, to the more tangible side of things - men are socially expected to seek out sexual encounters. By revealing your virginity, you have a very slight chance of gaining social value (by pretending it's by choice or that no girl was good enough - you'd rarely get social value for that) and you are most likely to lose social value. How you should proceed is absolutely up to what you want out of the whole experience. Are you looking for a hookup or a one night stand? No, don't admit you're a virgin; your value will drop even if you pull out a careless vibe about your virginity. If you want a girlfriend, be upfront about it but do not be a pussy or she'll be turned off.

Admitting or hiding, the most important thing is not to be insecure about it. And that shit is hard, let me tell you. You really need to work on yourself not to care about what others think, especially of something that is pretty much used to measure your masculinity like how many women you've laid.

One way or another, I don't think I have ever been asked if I were a virgin myself. When I was a virgin and when a girl start talking to me about sex, I would just 'talk' about it. Virgin or not, some shit turns you on and some shit doesn't. When they ask you what your favourite position is, answer truthfully. You watch porn after all, I'm sure you have a certain position to which you whack off every time.

As for the escort, do not think it will turn you into some kind of player. I thought going to a strip club would change me and somehow open me sexually; nope. Dropped 40$ on two lap dances, didn't change anything at all. It will be the same thing with you - it won't make you any less creepy. There really is not shortcut to self improvement. I think investing the 80$ on clothes would be far greater investment, but that's just me. To be honest though, if I was pulling millions I would just hire escorts and would never bother with this game bullshit.

GuruDev1000 · 2013-10-21T06:11:31+00:00

I am 26 and proud to be a virgin, not because it's a good thing, but because it has pushed me to seek knowledge that my non-virgin friend wouldn't care to know about.

PS: I'd rather remain a virgin than have my first sex with a dirty hooker!

Splatterh0use · 2013-10-23T05:36:31+00:00

You should go to a brothel or hire an escort, because all the money you will spend going around between bars, clubs or shit like that will already pay you the sex you want. Think about it, there's nothing wrong, it's a biological need. Take care.

Qwerber · 2013-10-20T20:09:04+00:00

Don't be, seems pretty normal to me.

NewBobPow · 2013-10-20T23:01:41+00:00

You waited too long to have sex with her. Next time don't wait.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2013-10-21T02:45:55+00:00

Wow I'd tell every girl I see that I'm a virgin, Gets them extremely excited about showing you the ropes and letting you experience sex for the first time!! Some women will do it just to say they've devirginized someone.

Title	Insecure about being a virgin
Author	thefragile-
Upvotes	16
Comments	18
Date	October 20, 2013 8:04 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ouqja/insecure_about_being_a_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/insecure-about-being-a-virgin.1360206 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360206

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