Of course she knows how much this moment of success means to you. This is precisely why she is negating it. Not because she wants to hurt you. But because she wants to feel Shiva. She wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel that your happiness is not dependent on her response, nor on you making a million dollars. She wants to feel you are a superior man.

From 'The Way Of The Superior Man' by David Deida. Chapter 15

Frankly, I've always pursued a girlfriend. I think this was because of my addiction to pornography and thus the pursuit of sex. Regular sex. This reason was indirectly also the cause that brought me here. Even though I recall I have made a thread here in which I explained that I didn't wanted a girlfriend anymore because of my progress, in true honesty I can say this was nonsence. I wasn't trusting my inner core or truth.

Now the tides have changed. How? My last thread here was because I didn't kiss her when I had the chance. This led to a more bigger revelation: I was so fed up with the quest of finding a girlfriend I unknowingly became more needy than I am on a regular saturday night approaching girls. This pattern has happened to me before, some girls where I really had good chances with but became to needy or didn't escalate because of this pursuit.

'What has changed?' you are probably wondering. Well, upon reading the quoted book I realised that I should be truly loving myself before someone could love me. Like said in the book: my happiness shouldn't be dependent on her. And when stopped wondering about having a girlfriend (a curse I've had a very long time) it became a huge relief.

This PornFree-streak has been way more succesful than ever before. I finally accepted that being on stage (or in front of people, same thing) is something that gives me a thrill (and others say that I am very confident, calm and strong while on stage). I love to write and is it definitely something which I am very passionate about, but eventhough I have denied it for a long time, being on stage is something I really want to be doing (theatre, cabaret, comedy, even acting fits in this order for me etc.) I even meditate and I love the daily 5 minutes of relaxation of the mind

You want to break free? Find your passions, always trust your inner core of truth, even when people don't like it, and stop worrying about everything that might come in the future or has happened in the past.

Thank you for reading