This my story, and it's all about a girl(who I prefer to remain anonymous). After so many years she has yet to leave my mind. As time passes, I only feel more and more regret and sorrow. I can't help but wonder if there will come a day my suffering will end or has fate really robbed me of my one chance at love? Because I have never met another girl like her, and probably never will. My friends tell me to forget about her and move on, and when the time is right, the girl for me will come. Day in and day out, it takes all that I can to believe that this is true. But, with each passing day, that becomes harder and harder. My friends may tell me not to, but I think about her all the time. All the moments we shared, all the times I got nervous around her when she got close to me, and all the times she would show that she was attracted to me. Sometimes I feel like these memories are all I have left. But, are my friends right? Am I just torturing myself by thinking about her and what might have been? This all happened a long time ago(11 years, tho it doesn't feel like it), back in junior high. Keep in mind, this all happened at an awkward stage in my life, but you're never too young to have feelings for someone. Plus, me being a "stupid, unpopular" kid was also a huge factor in this whole mess. I was 14 and not once did any girl I know seem interested in me. I was something of an "outcast", the "in crowd" of the 8th grade class didn't always seem to like me very much. This also made things really hard for me, always feeling "unwanted" by the people around me made it hard to respond to a girl's affections. Remember, I spent many years with the people from my grade, and didn't really know anyone outside it. It wasn't till 8th grade that we had any contact with the grade below us in my school. The first time I saw this girl I was smitten, and I really hoped she would join the drama club like I did so we would see each other more(she did!). I'll never forget the day I found out that she liked me(remember I was 14 with "interesting" peers) I didn't know how to react or respond or say or anything. I just kept thinking and waiting for ways to talk to her. Most days throughout this year consisted of being harasseded by kids who thought they were better than me and the people I hang out with, then going to drama club after school where I could blow off some steam. Unfortunately, I hoped to get a part where the 2 of us interacted a lot(I didn't). Then came the Valentines Day dance. Truly a night to remember(for me). For this was the first(and last I think)time we danced together. I play this night out in my head over and over again. I'll never forget when she asked me to dance with her(remember it was a slow dance too...Gulp). After I said yes, I was so nervous I almost tripped getting up(I'm pretty sure my friends were laughing at me). The song we danced to will always have a special place in my heart. I was so nervous I was feeling light headed. To make me even more nervous(if that's possible), her girlfriends came to us and took a picture of us(I wonder if she still has it). As nervous as I was, I still enjoyed it, and when the song ended, I was sad(I wouldn't have minded if it went on forever). Now, every time I hear this song, all I can think about is her and how we danced together. Sometimes I even close my eyes and pretend we're still dancing together. I wanted to talk to her after we danced, but my friends pulled me away to mock me(I don't know what I would've said anyway). Sadly the night came to an end, and I didn't get a chance to talk to her or ask for another dance(damn). After that night, days seemed to turn to weeks and weeks turned to months and still I had to push myself to build up the confidence to talk to her(it never happened!). Before I knew it, junior high was over. After I graduated, I wouldn't be seeing her anymore which made me really sad. I would however have 1 final opportunity to see and talk to her. I play this day out in my head over and over too. The event at school was called the ice cream social(my dad dj'd the event in the gym) as I walked to the event(always fashionably late lol) I thought long and hard about what I was going to do and what I was going to say. Next thing I know, here she comes running straight toward me(guess time for thinking is over) and she hugged me(frozen stiff)!!! I didn't have time to return the hug or say anything, I was yet again pulled away by my friends(damn friends). The day went on with me being with them, trying to get away, trying to find her and talk to her(last chance remember), but it didn't happen. Since then I've longed for another chance, but it never(and probably never will)happened.

Then came the next chapter in my life, high school. I cannot stress enough how wrong I was to go to my first high school at all!!! There were some good things that came out of it, but nothing that couldn't have come from my 2nd high school where I should've went to in the 1st place. Skipping ahead to transferring to my 2nd high school(not too much to tell from my 2 years at my 1st high school). Starting all over again was going to be hard, but the thought of her being in the same school as me again was comforting(I never stopped thinking about her during the 2 year gap). When I saw we had a class together, I was overjoyed. However, she didn't seem "happy" to see me. She didn't say much to me either(still too shy to talk to her). It wasn't til later that year I learned she had a boyfriend(crushed), but soon after that I learned that she broke up with him(yay). Still, she didn't say more than 3 words to me(I don't know why), and led me to believe that she hates me now for some reason. Junior year came and went, and I didn't see her much my senior year(sad), but still I waited for the day that the girl I remembered from 8th grade would come back and everything would be the way it was(wishful thinking). Time moves so fast, and I had finished high school. Still she did not once leave my thoughts(no other girls in high school seemed interested in me by the way...<sob>).

Then came college, still thought about her day after day. I later learned she would be on campus as well. I couldn't wait to see her, but I didn't know where or when(I'm not a stalker). Then came a day where I saw her! The second I saw her, my mind started flashing back on all the times when she liked me. I was so happy for the 1st time in a long time...it didn't last. I don't know if she actually saw me too, but she did not look happy. It wasn't long after that I learned that she had another boyfriend(I think she's STILL dating him). How my heart sank.

And now here I am, still grieving over losing my only chance to be with her. To this day, a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her and what could've been. And that's my story, how I had one chance at love, and lost it(forever). If I had one chance to tell her anything(besides this long story), it would be to say "I am sorry I was such a coward for not saying this when I should have, but I have always thought you were very attractive and I have always liked you from the moment I saw you". I don't know if she even thinks about me anymore, but whether she thinks I am a jerk, pathetic, or has just forgotten about me period, I cannot and do not blame her one bit. I hope she is happy with her boyfriend and I hope her boyfriend realizes how lucky he is to have her. I know this is a shot in a million, but if things don't work out with her current boyfriend(I don't wish for bad things to happen to them, but hey it could happen right?), I pray the day will come where she remembers me and we can talk and I can tell her everything I've always wanted to tell her(this story). I doubt that will ever happen though(except in my dreams). No matter what happens, I hope she will find and be with someone who will always see her as I do now(someone you want to be with so much, it hurts!)and will live a happy life. I can't count the nights I've spent praying that when I wake up, it's the first day of 8th grade again, and everything would be the way it was. But God doesn't answer prayers like that(life's not a movie). And that's my story. Sucks doesn't it? I try to let all this go and move on, but I just can't. I don't know why, but I can't forget about her. Whoever is reading this probably thinks I'm pathetic, and they're right. But that doesn't mean I don't deserve love right? I'm not so much hung up on this girl(I'm ready to meet someone new!), I'm just extremely regretful of my fears that prevented me from the chance to be with a girl that makes me feel special. That's all I really want. But as fate would have it, it seems as if I was intended to have only 1 chance at love, and that chance is long gone. Maybe I just need to learn to live with it.

tl;dr: I can't talk to her after all these years, it'd be too awkward, plus I'm afraid she'd share the conversation with others and I'd be marked as a freak(even tho I don't care what people think), and I don't want insult to injury. What should I do?