I thought about posting this on a "Self improvement" sub, but most of them have very low activity, so I figured I'd post it here since this sub can also be about self improvement in a way.

I've been on a road to self improvement for a while now, and although I've made a lot of progress and have been going in all of the right directions, yet I still hit the same wall I've been trying to overcome for years. See, the part of my alias you see on here is "old soul." I discovered I was an old soul 10 years ago - if you don't know what that is, look it up as it'll tell you a lot about me and my rationale.

One thing I always see women say is that they love a man who's ambitious. So I wanted to know what that means. Now correct me if I'm wrong here: "ambition" is something someone has if they are passionate about something and pursue it hardcore. Through that they grow as a person, gain status & rank, and with that they're self improving and giving their life meaning in the process. Here's where I come in.

I lack "passion." I knew I lacked passion for a very long time. So I went on a journey of self improvement like I mentioned above to see if I can somehow obtain passion towards something. It's been 5 years, and last night I was up till 3AM laying in bed self reflecting.

In those 5 years, I read a few books about self improvement, I have a close to 6-figure job, learned about investing in the stock market, still working on advancing my career, bought a house, picked up a couple of new hobbies, started going to the gym, tried making new friends at work... My life today is completely different from what it was 5 years ago, I definitely feel like a much better person and have grown exponentially. Yet one thing persisted; I still lacked passion.

I am indifferent about everything. I'll end it with this: I have a 5-year old nephew who I play with and teach him stuff. Basically anytime we're together, he's always having fun and enjoys being with me. One day before he was leaving my house with his parents, I picked him up and he gave me a full on embraced hug and said "I love you, OldSoulBiz." You know what my reaction was or what I felt in that moment? Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing.

Am I a lost cause?