Low self esteem

passengerpigeon20 · 2019-12-04T00:01:09+00:00

I can’t approach because I have no reason to be confident. I need to build a sense of self and be a better man.

That's probably the most common excuse in the book. Confidence is not a social status and not something that can be bought on a store shelf - it is a state of mind. Anybody can project an image of confidence no matter how much of a loser they are, and as long as they own up to their failings, it is by no means arrogant or disreputable for even said loser to be confident.

I think that when you claim you have no reason to be confident, you are conflating confidence and optimism, and are actually trying to say that you think no girl will be interested in you if you don't have a lot of achievements under your belt. For most people who say this*, this is an excuse that should be swept under the rug in favor of approaching girls immediately. Most girls aren't so hung-up on achievements as long as you can make them feel good - not in the initial stages of flirting at least - and the fact that you have started to work on your hobbies and skills will count for a lot in terms of status; you don't need to take down Chuck Norris before you can tell people that you practice karate. So although it is great that you are working on yourself, please at least try to get out there and approach girls at the same time; you will benefit from the experience even if you gain no immediate results.

*I say "most people" assuming that you are already in the position of having a decent social circle and being respected by girls. If you have no friends, a completely boring life, and have never been given a second glance by a girl or creep them out very easily, your approaches will probably not be successful until you've done some groundwork to solve those issues.

GoldSmith64 · 2019-12-04T00:53:48+00:00

Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Just keep trying to build yourself as a person, and put yourself first. Don’t go out or look for people in hopes of finding a girl or getting laid, just go and have fun. I have found that 9/10 times I get laid because I’m not gunning to fuck that hot girl I had my eye on, but just because I’m having a good time with my friends and just comfortable with myself enough to know that I don’t need to grovel for a girl. I’m not saying don’t approach but don’t make it the centerpiece of your night. Make fun the priority

2019-12-03T23:42:01+00:00

I'm wishing you all the best! One thing that will build your confidence is setting: loving others (not saying you hate anyone, but some different career path you could take) and being the person you want to date. I wish you all the luck in your new adventures! :)

relaxyobody · 2019-12-04T05:14:08+00:00

Girls don't care about your accomplishments, they care more about how you look and what your vibe is.

ArmitageShanks69 · 2019-12-04T22:34:14+00:00

If you feel you're not ready to try to meet women then you're not.

Don't listen to guys who tell you that you're using your lack of confidence & low self esteem as an excuse not to do it because you're not. They don't know what you're feeling but you do.

The low self esteem and other issues will not be overcome by going out and trying to meet women because your mind is not prepared for you to get shot down.

You need to grow through other means, lay a foundation to your life which starts off as building up your confidence by doing small things by yourself.

Some people have to dig themselves out of hole, sometimes with just a teaspoon, and you shouldn't be trying to shoot for big things until you can at least see over the top of the hole.

Title	Low self esteem
Author	GoldSmith64
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	December 3, 2019 11:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e5prf1/low_self_esteem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/low-self-esteem.1485297 https://theredarchive.com/post/1485297

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