My Process For Building Confidence in Anything (40 minutes of advice)

NickNotas · 2016-07-19T15:23:40+00:00

For those who don't want to watch the 40-minutes, here's a summary of the advice:

How genuinely confident people become confident

1) Not something you’re born with. Top musicians, entrepreneurs, authors, businessmen all hone their craft and constantly take action to learn and desensitize themselves.

2) Confidence is not being fearless but taking action despite fear.

3) It’s just an internal belief that “I am worthy” and “capable” that you can cultivate. You do that by...

Prioritizing “Who am I?” “What do I want?" Must understand your passions, values, opinions, desires. Then you have to show those things and go after them through vulnerability in the real world . If you don’t assertively go after your wants or put your individual personality out there -- you’re not reinforcing self esteem. You’re doing the opposite and proving you can’t be good enough or succeed.

With that vulnerable exposure, you build reference experiences good or bad that remove your self doubts. That you can handle anything. That it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Prioritizing yourself + constant exposure to fulfill yourself = confidence.

Why most people fail to achieve self-confidence

1) Bite off more than they can chew. For example, they try to do full approaches right off the bat and it’s too difficult or stressful. Constantly hit failure and no victories.

2) Beat themselves up relentlessly. Internal monologue focuses on failures, not small successes.

3) Both of these make process miserable. You have to make the journey more manageable and motivating.

The simple process to gaining confidence in any arena

1) Take something you fear and break it down into small steps that work your way up. Begin with steps that challenge your comfort zone but not so much that it's impossible for you to do. You don't need to hit it off with a beautiful woman and get her number to start if you've never even said hi to a stranger. You just need to get in front of them to start.

2) Instead of jumping into direct approaches -- try eye contact drills, compliments in passing, functional questions, social experiments, asking opinions, or talk to working people. As you get comfortable with each step, move onto something more challenging until you can do direct approaches. Progressive desensitization will get you to your final goal.

How to stay motivated and build a courageous, winning mindset

1) Show yourself gratitude for your efforts, not the results. Use a gratitude journal if necessary -- this is backed by studies in positive psychology. Focus on every little step you’re taking regardless of what the outcome is to start. "I'm proud I actually went her for her number." vs "I can't believe she didn't give me her number, I'm such a loser."

2) Accept your losses. Be willing to not take the shot and be okay with it. Let it go quickly and just try to take the next one. It’s just temporary and not reflection of self worth. Who cares if you chickened out of 5 approaches if you do 5 after that?

3) Hold yourself accountable. Write goals down rather than saying them out loud, "I need to start talking to girls." Set reminders to go off constantly in your phone. Put it on your phone lock screen or laptop wallpaper. Tell friends. Use an accountability website where you donate money to charity if you don’t hit goals. Most importantly -- having friends you can lean on, motivate each other, and still have fun with makes the process infinitely easier.

Title	My Process For Building Confidence in Anything (40 minutes of advice)
Author	NickNotas
Upvotes	30
Comments	1
Date	July 19, 2016 3:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4tlme0/my_process_for_building_confidence_in_anything_40/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-process-for-building-confidence-in-anything-40.1409788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1409788

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