Need advice when it comes to my current ‘progress’

MidnightPleaser44 · 2020-09-26T11:24:16+00:00

I hope I can help! Your biggest hurdle is going to be Effort. You’ll need to find purpose within yourself to socialize. I’m a stranger reading your post for the first time and the only emotion I felt was “melancholy” or “gloomy”. You don’t seem too eager to meet new people and that can be picked up subtly. I could be wrong, and, if I am, good! Because you’ll need effort if you’re going to seek your own improvement!

1). Socializing includes speaking to people you don’t already talk to. I know it can be nerve racking at times, and not every social interaction will be with strangers, but in dating they will be plentiful. In the work place, not so much. If you only focus on the people you know, you’ll unintentionally create a barrier for yourself. You’ll only practice talking to those you’re comfortable with and this is detrimental to your goals in the long run. Maybe start out with just those you’re familiar with, then branch out as your interest grow!

2). If UK society have a different set of rules I’ll tell you to do what I would tell any American to do: go out there and figure out how the rules pertain to you. No matter how much info you read, the rules of social skills are always going to be covert to some degree. No one knows everything and you can’t plan for everything to be out in the open in the moment. You’re going to have to FAIL at talking to women. You’re going to have to learn what works by first learning what doesn’t. At the end of the day, they are people and there is no cheat code. A woman will have already determined if she wants to speak with you within 5 seconds of your approach. All you can do flip the coin and play it by ear. As you go along you’ll see what works and what doesn’t. Create your OWN, personal rule book over time.

3). Showing your best self: dating has turned into a series of sales pitches. Once again, there is no rule book. What I do suggest, texting or in person, is that you take the lead. Go ahead and have a little summary about yourself in the back of your mind. List off a few of your interests like throwing darts and see which one hits. Whatever she takes note of is what you gear the convo toward. It’s only a conversation if BOTH parties are involved. Yes, show off your best self, but remember that your best isn’t always compatible. Maybe don’t mention weightlifting to a woman that just went on a 2 minute rant about her favorite books. Not that she isn’t into that, but it isn’t her direct interest. Rather find a book you enjoy and bring it up in conversation. You will be interesting to her if you show genuine interest into what she already gives attention to. No need for a specific intro, just feel it out and keep an open eye for the opportunity to progress the convo TOGETHER.

4). Who do YOU wanna hang out with? Psychology will tell you that the simple answer is: YOU. People like other people that act/look/behave like them. This is across the board for humans, not just women. If you show a woman that you and her share similar interests, she more likely to grow closer to you. From there she will want to increase proximity because what she likes makes her happy and what you like she likes. She will naturally grow to like you as well. However much, varies, but this how the mind normally plays out. Do NOT fake interests. It’s not worth the stress and it doesn’t last for very long. If you aren’t interested, pick up another dart and take aim while still giving respect to her interests. Asking intuitive questions and giving feedback is huge to anyone.

And be ever wary of how you look from a 3rd person point of view. In trying to present our best selves, our mind will create a false perception of ourselves. We see ourselves as the perfect candidate and that can be troublesome. We fail to see the moments where we fail to text back, have a bad day, lose interest, have a change of heart, get bored, get frustrated etc. So when dealing with another person we have to be ever mindful of our behavior so not to project a mood or perception of ourselves that we don’t want the person of interest to see. Knowing yourself is required for this. Many times women ghost and the guy is completely oblivious because he did something that he had no clue was displeasing. If you get negative feedback, take it with a grain of salt but seek to improve. You won’t always know the exact reasoning but with enough assessment it’ll start to click in your head!

I hope that answers some of your questions. I left some of these answers vague and didn’t want to give too many examples because part of social skills, like Life, is playing in the sand and defining on your own. If anything sounds vague, I challenge you to take the missing details and fill them in with what you and ONLY you would think would work. If they don’t, scratch it out and try again. I wish you the best😇

cowvin26 · 2020-09-25T19:09:23+00:00

I would suggest on googling "how to build attraction" and apply the techniques that you think seem effective. I wish there was a clear and direct answer, but "building attraction" is the foundation of having game along with building comfort, or rapport as you called it. They work hand-in-hand to build up a person's interest in you.

Title	Need advice when it comes to my current ‘progress’
Author	150420throwaway
Upvotes	5
Comments	4
Date	September 25, 2020 2:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/izk77m/need_advice_when_it_comes_to_my_current_progress/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-advice-when-it-comes-to-my-current-progress.1296010 https://theredarchive.com/post/1296010

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