Some time ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so until someone else tells me otherwise, I will continue doing this. The following post comprises account #12.

Context and goals:

Since I didn’t seem to experience any significant trouble eschewing a Meetup and going fully solo last week, I’ve decided to continue going solo until further notice. Might as well continue to flex that muscle. In a way, it’s a liberation. Also, both because I didn’t seem to experience any trouble, and because I’ve more-or-less recovered fully from night #10, I decided to up the ante a little further tonight by going to an unfamiliar bar. (I had, I’ll admit, been to the bar I went to once before, but it was years and years ago, so I didn’t consider it familiar). I also decided to set myself my usual minimum of 3 approaches, but this time with the caveat that I’d get to reward myself if I did 5. Finally, I committed to testing a few openers which a guy here recommended to me in feedback to last week (these being [A]; “You guys look like you’re having the time of your lives”, and [B]; anything observational).

Account:

As with last week, there’s not much to report tonight. I’m starting to eschew randomness in favor of a routine. The bar turned out to be close to the sort of thing I said I’d like to look for last week; not too crowded or loud, but nevertheless slightly fuller than the bar last week. There was also a higher-than-average number of women on their own there. Ultimately, I did 7 approaches tonight.

  1. By herself. Had a friend coming in a few minutes. Good conversation. Played the “3 clues, 3 guesses as to what my job is” game with her. Made assumptions and remarked on her clothes and jewellery to a positive response. Friend came. Asked for her number. Didn’t get it. Left.
  2. By herself. Turned out to be a bartender about to begin her shift. Left.
  3. Set of two. Bit old for me on closer inspection, TBH. Tested the: “You guys look like you’re having the time of your lives” opener. Immediate rejection.
  4. By herself. Had broken off from friends to order a drink at the bar. Again, bit old for me on closer inspection. Tested an observational opener (about her dress). Clearly not into me. (Directly stated I was: “too young for her”). Left quickly.
  5. By herself. Turned out to be a stand-up comedian about to perform at a show being hosted there that night. Busy rehearsing. Clearly not into me. Left quickly.
  6. Having done five, decided to do just one more for luck; because why the hell not? By herself. Turned out to be on a date. Date came. Laughed about it with the two of them. Left.
  7. Having done six, decided to do another one for luck; because again, why the hell not? Set of three. Observational opener about food they were eating. Had friends coming in a few minutes. Good conversation with one of them (other two talked to each other), but too old for me. Friend came. Left.

Reflection:

As with last week, I can’t say that I learned a great deal tonight. Clearly, I have no trouble going out to bars and approaching without the pretext of a Meetup, so I’ll keep doing that. Also, approaching and using the openers got easier and easier with each approach, so I’ll keep doing that and testing those for a few more weeks and eventually it should become a total nothingburger. I wonder if I might be selling myself short with a minimum quota of 3 – I seem to be capable of approaching far more times than that. Mind you, I still think that my post-approach conversations are lacking a bit compared to my willingness to approach. I pour a lot of energy into getting the approaches over with and then tend to wing it a bit.

I must admit that I got all of the above over with very quickly – in the span of about two hours – and went home very early by nightlife standards. I wonder if I should try and stay out later. (Something I should mention here is that I don’t actually enjoy staying out late and drinking at bars a huge amount unto itself). If I do, then as far as I see it, I’ve got two options. [A]; I can do the same number of approaches but try to space them out a little more, and render them a higher quality. [B]; I can approach at the same rate I did tonight for a longer period of time, ultimately racking up a high overall number of approaches – possibly as many as 20. What do you think?

Oh! Also; I just realized that I’ve passed the midway mark on my primary goal. (I’m starting to think that I should just abandon the tertiary goal. Immediate rejections don’t seem to happen that much, and I don’t think that me hitting 100 would teach me anything or have that much of an effect on me anyway).

Tally:

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Approaches: 52.

Immediate rejections: 15.

Conversations: 24.

Phone number rejections: 15.

Phone numbers: 4.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 2.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.