Overgaming vs. Undergaming

One of the things that I find separates amateurs from pros when it comes to dating women is understanding the concept of calibration.

Calibration is essential because no two women are alike. There is no one-size-fits-all line or move. And if there is one, calibration is it.

Now, I could write thousands of words on this subject and bore everyone to tears, but for simplicity's sake, I'm gonna focus on one aspect of calibration - overgaming vs undergaming.

One of the truths that I've found with pursing women is the Mark Manson principle of "polarize to attract". All flirting is like this, you break rapport, to see if she reforms it by responding positively to your flirtations. This is how you attract women. The examples are endless.

But once a woman is chasing your approval, you need to reward her for doing so, so she invests further and the pattern is reinforced.

And where guys screw this is up, is either by undergaming or overgaming.

Overgaming is when you test her too hard and she starts feeling out of sorts, insecure, or the sexual tension flat out gets to her and she either runs or self-sabotages. I've had this happen more than once, where a girl will just freak out and bolt for no obvious reason. This is the classic example of over-gaming. Flaking is another, especially when there was good chemistry.

Undergaming is where you don't test a girl enough, and she either gets bored or sticks you in the friendzone. This is when you give her too much rapport/comfort-building. The key sign of this is where a girl's interest clearly tails off, and she starts taking you for granted, or just flat out stops trying. It's eerily similar to the dynamic women experience when they get pump-n-dumped. This is what happens when you make it too easy and don't give them anything to chase.

So obviously a balance must be struck and/or a guy must figure out how to switch from one to the other, depending on how she responds. And the key to this is recognizing the hook point.

The hook point is where the dynamic shifts from you chasing her, to her chasing you. Most girls might not approach or escalate on a guy, but in every successful pickup, there's a moment that occurs when she starts investing and taking the initiative. Where she starts working for your approval and qualifying herself. This is when you switch from eliciting interest and investment, to rewarding what she gives.

Over time, you should aim to develop a bit of a nose for this, because women do want to be desired and to have men show interest, just attractive men. And once you've attracted her, that's the cue to start showing interest in a measured fashion.

After that, the key is not building too-much comfort and killing the sexual tension. Once you've rewarded her with interest, she'll start to slow down on the chasing and get back into a more feminine frame. When this happens, sexual tension will increase - she'll be wondering when you're gonna make a move and whether or not she's won you over. When the sexual tension has peaked, and you'll be able to tell by her anxiety-leaking body language (she'll be fidgety, randomly motor mouth, hold eye contact then dart her eyes away, and generally higher energy then the context) that's when you start escalating and switch back into gaming mode.

Seduction is a dance, someone has to lead and someone has to follow, and it will switch. Where calibration is key, is recognizing when the switch moments happen and how to respond properly.