Question about confidence

2012-12-21T16:53:17+00:00

Okay, thought I might contribute.

I used to have zero confidence. I had cancer and long story short, I have a limp. So in my head I just figured people were just being nice to the disabled guy. So I just always assumed people were fake. And I guess I can't pinpoint when I changed. But I know a few tricks I do.

When talking to a girl so attractive I find intimidating, I tend to trip a little (in conversation, not literally haha). I'm a good conversationalist, especially with friends/family. So, I KNOW I have those skills. So it's a case of, how can I trigger that while talking to this girl, because I know it shows 'confidence'. So I tend to think of a friend, someone who doesn't intimidate me at all. And I almost imagine talking to them. Helps to settle me down, get my head back to where it normally is and start up a good conversation that actually interests this girl/person.
I got hobbies, I learnt to play guitar (actually went to lessons, I wanted to meet more people, just to interact with), started volunteer work, rebuilt my car, did DIY stuff around the house, and dog training then started trying to say yes to almost any invite..even to things I thought "I'd just rather chill at home". This gave me more 'ticks' for MYSELF. It meant I could look at myself and go "look at all this stuff I can do, I'm awesome"
Also, things like eye contact. Practice them, just when you're walking around the shops or something, try not to be the first to look away. You know you don't know this person, so who cares what they think of you, so hold a glance. IT makes holding eye contact less intimidating, so when you do actually make eye contact with someone you're keen on, you've done it enough that it's simple.
When you look at a guy and you think "Damn, bet that dude gets all the girls". Take mental notes about him for example; he stands up straight, head up and just by doing that, looks confident..he could be trippin balls on the inside for all you know.
Accept the faults you cannot change, and don't be affraid to talk about it, or even have a laugh..I mean...you can't change it, so fuck it, who cares? Do what you can when the need arises, otherwise, don't stress. This comes across as confidence, because if you shy away from it, well, think about how you think of people who shy away from something? I'm not overly impressed by it. So consider that when you react.

Think of it as riding a rollercoast. You're terrified to get on to begin with. But once you're doing it and when you're doing you're like "That's it? I didn't die? I wanna go again!" it's basically the same principal.

Confidence is an accumulation of things people notice about you. Talking, smiling, holding yourself right, thinking about yourself right (which feeds into helping out with conversation)

I understand I might be different (we all are) but you might be able to take a few things away from this.

chattymcgee · 2012-12-21T16:25:27+00:00

My confidence stems from the idea that the world can do whatever it wants, my results can be whatever they are, but that I still have a high opinion of myself and what I am.

I am what I am irregardless of how the world receives me. Good night, bad night, whatever. I either had fun or I didn't, everything else is irrelevant.

Icouldshitallday · 2012-12-21T15:06:55+00:00

I think my confidence with women got built because in my younger days I never went for the HB10. I picked the chick that looked DTF and had a higher success rate than all my friends, drastically noticeably so. To the point of where I realized the power I had. A friend of mine sat me down and asked for a few pointers, then he asked what my deal is... "Why are you going for the easy lay when you could have your pick?" That he's watched as other hotter chicks watch me (to my obliviousness). That he could pick up their interest in me from across the bar.

That hit my confidence hard. With that confidence you can talk to any chick the same and expect the same results.

MyThrowawaySeddit · 2012-12-21T18:43:09+00:00

The trick to seeming confident when you're not is two-fold: first, learn to accept that nobody but you can hear the things going on in your head. Second, learn to accept that everyone else has crazy self-conscious things going on in their heads.

As an extremely confident guy, I can assure you that I'm not walking around reminding myself how awesome I am. At my absolute best, it's just not something I'm thinking about at the moment because I'm too engaged in the present moment. Think of it like the difference between trying to laugh quietly versus laughing from deep in your belly. Confidence is just being in the moment.

Your reference to experience is about this idea that concept that you can't really be in the moment when something is new and novel. As a basic human instinct, you're just too wary of new situations. That's why you need to gain experience. My "confidence" when the most beautiful woman in the room is talking to me is not that I'm some sort of champion-of-men, just that there's nothing remotely abnormal about this experience.

Sure, there are moments I feel like a champion, but that's not a constant feeling I carry around. Anybody who says they don't have moments of self-doubt and self-consciousness on a daily basis is lying like mad. You hear celebrities talk about how shy they are, and you don't believe them, but why not? Everyone is as imperfect as you!

BadProfessor · 2012-12-21T19:50:18+00:00

Confidence is just being comfortable with honesty. You are comfortable being honest about who you are, what you think, and what you want. It doesn't have to be an in-your-face attitude.

i_bet_so · 2012-12-22T01:08:18+00:00

be cool with who you are, because I bet you are pretty cool! and dont be outcome dependent. means : I like myself, and I dont need others to validate that (women or men) you'll find lots of people saying you are cool or you are bullshit, but keep on your own track,man. be the man you want to be! doesn't mean to get a "whatever" or "bullshit what people say" attitude. keep listening to your friends, they are a pretty good and reliable mirror on how you affect others. have fun, man!

Sroek · 2012-12-24T00:25:45+00:00

To me, it is simply not being phased by the world's perception of you or allowing it to affect the beliefs, trust, respect and assurance that you have for yourself. You construct your own universe.

Title	Question about confidence
Author	MagicBluee
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	December 21, 2012 12:34 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/15834i/question_about_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-about-confidence.1344623 https://theredarchive.com/post/1344623

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