Question: How can I be both assertive & hard to get.

social_scrying · 2014-04-26T20:05:28+00:00

A lot of my friends who have game talk about playing hard to get and keeping the mystery alive with a girl until they've snagged her.

A lot of guys naturally know sort of what they are doing when it comes to this subject, but fail to explain what is going on and why they do what they do. Your friends may have "game", but that doesnt mean they know how to explain what they are doing properly.

They say things like "let her come to you"

this is misinformation. In general, dont do this.

How do you know when it's time to be assertive and when it's time to hold back and wait?

This is a good topic to discuss, and like everything else is dependent on a lot of factors, however, there are some generalities that can be applied here. In the scenario of a cold approach, the girl you are trying to have a conversation with has no idea who you are, and most likely assigns no value to you (caveats on how you dress, physical features, social context, etc. but lets say those are negligible for the sake of simplicity). The goal is to demonstrate to her that you have value, whether it be sexual or social. Otherwise, why would she want to invest in you? This is more of a global concept: Why would anyone buy a product if it has no inherent value to them? Same concept. You cannot play "hard to get" (for lack of a better term) until you have established that you are something she wants.

Engaging her or her friends, isolating her, rapport building, and physical escalation are some key concepts passed around in this sub. The purpose of these pillars is to ultimately get the girl to show interest in you, thus investing in you. How to get a girl to invest in you is another extensive topic, you can probably find some good threads on it in this sub.

I realize i havent answered your question yet, but its important to establish those things first. There are a lot of visual indicators you can pick up on that shows a girl has started to invest in you: her touching you, her closing the distance between both of you, extended eye contact, playing with hair (debatable), laughing at your jokes, voice tonality, etc. Push-pull is an indicator of compliance, among other things. The more eperic experience you get by going out, talking to women, and building attraction, the more you will be able to pick up on these details. These factors indicate a tipping point, so to speak, of when you should start to ease off the gas slightly. At this point, you have leverage and should utilize it by making her qualify herself to you. Continuing with the purchase analogy: You have a desirable product and she wants to buy it; you are trying to figure out if she can afford it. Mutual investment via rapport building results in mutual attraction.

successorEB · 2014-04-26T21:23:18+00:00

Just make f*cking date and pretend it's nothing.

like you care. just not much.

Title	Question: How can I be both assertive & hard to get.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	3
Date	April 26, 2014 7:27 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/241tgs/question_how_can_i_be_both_assertive_hard_to_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-how-can-i-be-both-assertive-hard-to-get.1369862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1369862

Comments