I'll start out by saying that all the red flags in the world cannot protect you unless you've done the work on yourself to become a good, honest, and caring man. You'll need to learn to be happy single before you can date anyone. This will help you develop better boundaries and hold out for a relationship that will actually add value to your life. A lot of men (or people) didn't grow up with very good examples of what a healthy relationship looks like and didn't grow up with a strong father figure to help guide them through the dating world. This list is dedicated to you. Without further ado:

  1. Daddy issues: This one's very prominent on most red flags list for a good reason. A woman who didn't have a healthy relationship with her father is less likely to know what to look for in a partner. Be wary of women who grew up with a father who was either physically or emotionally absent. She might have problems with intimacy and vulnerability and might hold on to traditional notions of male emotional suppression and prioritize superficial charm, appearance, and status over genuine authenticity. You should never date a woman who is looking for a status symbol or a meal ticket rather than a companion to share her life with.
  2. Dishonesty: Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. You should never get into a relationship with someone you cannot trust completely. Take your time to get to know someone and make sure that she's worthy of your time and energy. No one has the right to lie or conceal any potential deal-breakers to their partners.
  3. Dark Triad Personality Traits or BPD: You should avoid these women like the plague. Narcissists, psychopaths/sociopaths, Machiavellian, or BPD types are highly prevalent in anonymous dating spaces such as online dating, bars, clubs, social media, and Meetups. These people are characterized by having a grossly inflated sense of their own value and have a fundamental lack of empathy towards their partners. They can and will lie, gaslight, and manipulate in order to meet their dating objectives. They will treat you as easily replaceable and you'll feel like you'll have to walk on eggshells around these people. If you've done the work to be an honest, empathetic, and compassionate human being, you should be able to sense these people pretty quickly.
  4. Having too many friends: This often shows a lack of discernment when it comes to the people she surrounds herself with. This is often a sign that she might have trouble with vulnerability and intimacy if the bulk of her conversations tend to revolve around superficial topics such as the weather, movies, TV shows, or celebrity gossip rather than conversations of greater substance such as her hopes, fears, and philosophy of life. Her friends will be similar to her in terms of values and personality, so if you see red flags within her friends, it's likely that she has those red flags as well. Birds of a feather flock together as they say.
  5. Not happy being single: Women like this are more likely to have poor boundaries when it comes to men and are more likely to end up in strings of low-quality relationships because she hasn't done the emotional work to be content by herself. An emotionally healthy woman doesn't need a man to make her happy and has a good support system.
  6. Impulsive and risky behavior: This is often a tell-tale sign of psychopathy. You shouldn't date someone who doesn't carefully consider the long-term consequences of her actions. Signs might include getting tattoos that aren't particularly meaningful, drug use, and excessive alcohol consumption.
  7. Not taking accountability for her actions: This is highly prevalent among narcissists and psychopaths. A woman who goes around bad-mouthing her exes shows a lack of accountability in her choice of partners and is disrespecting her partners' memory. This is often a sign of a lack of empathy for her partners as well. You can be assured that she will talk the same way about you when things don't go her way.
  8. Validation seeking on social media: Narcissists love to stroke their egos with their army of thirsty of simps. A woman who is secure in her own value and appearance doesn't need to constantly flaunt herself on social media. Minimal social media use shows humility and a fulfilling life without needing anyone's approval.
  9. She's materialistic: Someone who spends a lot of money trying to craft an image of success is likely deeply insecure about her own standing in the social hierarchy. This behavior tends to correlate with narcissism and a lack of inner-self worth. It's highly likely that a woman like this is looking for a status symbol rather than genuine companionship. Hard pass on this one, boys.
  10. Watches reality TV unironically: It's a huge red flag if she admires celebrities who are known for being "famous for being famous". The media we consume is a reflection of our values and if she admires celebrities who have the emotional maturity of children, this is often indicative of her character. A grown ass woman has more important things to do than fixate on the lives of the rich and spoiled.
  11. Complains that men are shit or "Men only care about looks": Usually this is someone who is looking for a partner in all the wrong places and lacks the introspection to understand why she keeps meeting men who are unwilling to date her. In my experience, women who complain that men only care about looks are usually trying to get guys out of their league.
  12. She doesn't care about your problems: Never date someone who gaslights you about your reality and tries to invalidate your feelings. A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and reciprocity. You should feel safe coming to her for emotional support as she should with you. Someone who tries to shame you for expressing yourself or tells you that your problems aren't real because you're "privileged" isn't someone you want in your life.

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These are just some of the major red flags that I've seen in my own experiences dating. There are several more that you might come up with that might allow you to vet people out faster. I've compiled a list of recommended readings that will give you a 30,000 foot view of dating dynamics so that you know exactly what you're getting into. Every book on this list is well researched and written by experts in their respective field.

Side note: Always prioritize books published by a university press or was written by someone with a PhD in the field and has published academic papers in the subject matter in reputable peer-reviewed journals within the last 10 years.

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  • Being happy single:
  • Dating market dynamics and strategies:
    • Marriage Markets: How Inequality is Remaking the American Family
    • Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love
    • The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating
    • Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray
    • Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
    • Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Economics I Learned from Online Dating
  • How to select the right partner
    • Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate
  • How to attract the right partner (the fundamentals)
    • The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want
    • What Women Want
  • How to avoid the wrong partners
    • Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, And It's Time to Get Real About It
  • How to sustain a healthy relationship
    • The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
  • How to have a healthy marriage
    • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
  • How to be a good father
    • Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child's Emotions and Solving Family Problems