Self esteem issues

epimpstyle · 2025-05-21T22:31:05+00:00

I start feeling inferior and think I’m not good-looking enough

Before you step out of your house, make sure you are clean, smell good, wear nice clothes, have a decent haircut - things like that. You need to look in the mirror and ensure you make a good first impression.

Pay attention: I said a first good impression because being overweight is problematic, it will take time to solve this problem (if ever), but a good first impression is something you can always achieve!

You need to accept yourself as you are right now ( not the person you think you might become someday in the future). For example, don’t try to suck in your abs just to appear slimmer - you get the idea. Embrace who you are. The sooner you accept yourself, the better.

You might think that being overweight is the main issue, but even if you solve it, something else will take its place. The feeling of never being "good enough" doesn’t come from a single flaw - it’s a mindset.

A bunch of 'negative traits' that can be balanced out with a friendly, optimistic, playful, and positive attitude.

Do looks matter a lot?

Well... I'd like to say NO, but actually, it's YES. just not as much as it seems at first glance. As I said, there is a huge difference between looking good and having a good/strong first impression. Here is Phill Heitlinger talking with James Tusk about this topic - VIDEO.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-05-22T01:49:32+00:00

What you are saying here is "I don't believe i'm good enough, i don't think i deserve her, but hopefully she tells me im wrong and believes in me even when i don't believe in myself".

That "Please convince me I’m worth loving" only tends to repel women and no matter how much you try to hide it from her, it shows subtly through your actions and the way you speak to women in general. You are not trying to connect, you are trying to seek approval from her. You are not treating her like an equal, you are treating her like a judge of your worth.

It's like suspecting that your garden is probably dull and bland, and most butterflies would likely not find it appealing, yet you see a butterfly out there and desperately hope it stays, not because you believe your garden is vibrant, but because you want that one butterfly to tell you it is, to land on a single flower and prove that maybe, just maybe, you’re not as barren as you fear."

That pressure to affirm someone’s worth before they’ve affirmed it for themselves is repellent, not because people are cruel, but because it disrupts the natural flow of connection.

Attraction isn’t born from someone needing you to fix their self-perception. It’s born from two people who already know who they are, meeting in a space of mutual curiosity and pull. If your flower only feels valuable when something lands on it, then you're not growing a garden, you’re building a trap.

The trap is that you don’t want her just because you like her, you want her so you can feel better about yourself. You’re not talking to her just to connect, you’re talking to her so she can prove you’re worthy. And women feel that because it subtly shifts the dynamic from connection to pressure. It’s not a conversation anymore, it’s a silent audition where she’s being asked to rescue your self-esteem.

That’s why it repels women because it's like stepping into a garden that’s whispering, “Please like me. Please stay. Please prove I’m enough.” That’s not peaceful, confident, or attractive, it’s emotionally suffocating.

A real garden grows regardless of who visits. And when it blooms for its own sake, butterflies come, not because they’re needed, but because the space feels alive, open, and free.

You cannot get women until you fix your garden, and actually find it good without needing others to confirm it for you to be sure of it's worth. Women don't exists to make you feel like you matter or that you are good enough or that you have worth and your current mindset shows you don't seek connection, you seek validation from her which makes it impossible to attract her or any girl until you stop doing that.

Maleficent-Can3347 · 2025-05-21T21:29:52+00:00

If I were you, I would hang out with your female friends AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. You are one lucky motherfucker that you have female friends. Make it your priority to get as many female friends as possible. Their presence will desensitize you and your self esteem will slowly build. There is no quick fix for self esteem. Do not read books and watch yt.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-05-21T22:31:22+00:00

IMO there are 3 opinions regarding looks:

“Looks don’t matter”: these guys who have this opinion are a few in my opinion, yes there’s an exception with some men they have charisma and confidence even tho they’re not even average looking. They’ve slept with lots of women and at times are good with manipulation game. But I can count with my right fingers how many said that looks don’t matter. Even if there are some cases where looks really don’t matter, they’d be an outlier.
“Yes looks matter significantly”: of course not 100%, but it’s major factor. I would say maybe 50-70%. This is like a mainstream opinion. Looks is not limited to literally looks, but also physical appearance. I’d say that most people are OK looking. Maybe like 5, 6, or 7 out of 10. It’s average because… it’s statistically average. If you fall within this average-looking category, what you need to do is be physically fit (lose or gain weight depending what you need), upgrade your wardrobe, your hairdo, and skincare. Looks is also a major booster for your confidence. So OP, the self esteem issue you have might be caused by this. Especially since you said you don’t have a problem talking with girls yet you’re overweight.
“Looks is the only factor”: This is the total opposite of #1. It’s usually shouted by guys who give up on women and try to cope. They also incorrectly think that majority’s opinion is on #1. But like #1, I think guys who hold this opinion is not a lot, either. In reality the statistical bell is curved on #2. There are cases in this sub where guys say they are extremely good looking, but they are clueless when it comes to approaching girls. They’re virgin, never have a gf, yet girls think they’re a fuccboy. So looks can only get you so far, maybe right at the door. But to open it you gotta have decent social skills.

Rocketustaad · 2025-05-21T20:34:01+00:00

Recommendation for books, yt channels and other stuff are welcome

Title	Self esteem issues
Author	Rocketustaad
Upvotes	8
Comments	13
Date	May 21, 2025 8:28 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ks8843/self_esteem_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/self-esteem-issues.1552765 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552765

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