[Serious] Should I pay for dinner?

asad16 · 2014-04-03T02:26:07+00:00

I feel like a cheap idiot if I don't

Why do you feel this way. Think about this. Is this approval seeking behaviour?

I know I'm not answering your question, but take a step back. Why are you boxing yourself into this 'dinner' mentality. Go for drinks. Go for a walk. Go for coffee. Go to a comedy show. Try inexpensive dates.

I make 3x more money than my gf and we try to keep it 50/50. Even though she can't afford a lot of stuff, she tries to make it up in other ways (i.e cooking me meals).

TheCuriousDude · 2014-04-03T02:31:21+00:00

If you have cash to spend, do whatever the hell you want.

However, let me give the three major reasons why you shouldn't pay for dates:

Gender equality. This whole "man pays for woman" obligation sounds sexist. Not to mention, it sounds entitled: the woman isn't doing the man a favor by going on a date with him; she doesn't have to go on the date with him. A date is supposed to be mutually enjoyable. I hate when people says "whoever asks, pays" like a female sedditor just said. Because it takes either malicious selfishness or blatant obliviousness to say something like that, when the guy is the one asking out the girl the vast majority of the time. When you say "whoever asks, pays", you're essentially saying "the guy pays".
Financial reasons. Seeing that you're a 20 year old college student, I doubt that you make much money. Going on dinner dates for any extended period of time is going to take a toll on your wallet. Even a basic meal at McDonald's--don't take your date to McDonald's--already puts you into the double digits if you're paying for two. If you're living and eating at home or you're on a college meal plan, you should not have to unnecessarily spend such significant part of whatever money you have on other people's food.
Terrible frame. Feeling obliged to pay puts you in a needy frame. Even if you were paying to be nice, there is still a needy message being expressed. It comes off as you supplicating. That you need to pay to gain one's favor. Normal people don't feel obliged to pay for another person in mutually enjoyable interactions. This obligation thing just seems weird when put into context of other social interactions. When you invite your friends to hang out, you don't feel obliged to pay for any of them. So why does it change when you're hanging out with a girl?

drifting_ · 2014-04-03T02:50:01+00:00

Here is my take on it. I don't want to spend too much money on a girl that isn't overly invested in me. I've been on a number of dates where the girls have hardly said anything to me after and cut contact; no big deal, but I don't wanna spend $50+ on a couple of hours with a girl and kiss her a few times then never see her again.

I just take them to a local cafe usually. It comes to $10-$15 most of the time which I'm happy to pay for cause its not that much when you're working full time. Plus cafes are a casual local where you can joke around and things aren't too serious.

Dinner dates to me seem too formal with new girls. If i've known her for a bit and we click well and there is a decent amount of shared investment in each other i'll then decide. Even then I like to just split the bill.

iswear2drunkimnotgod · 2014-04-03T02:01:01+00:00

Here's my rule no matter who the company is (and I'm female if that helps): whomever asks, pays. Unless other options have been discussed, I lived by this rule when dating. If you ask me to dinner, you should at least assume you're going to pay. If she offered to split the bill or pay her own, then so be it. Also, what exactly does sex have to do with it? What should change simply because you've started sleeping together?

puaCurveBall · 2014-04-03T03:45:32+00:00

Hello, this post is getting removed for being too basic and already answered.

Your post is answered in the SIDEBAR

I would also recommend reading 10-20 of the top posts on Seddit: FOUND HERE

If you really want an answer, then please repost in /r/askseddit (not askReddit, but ask SEDDIT).

Thank you!

Title	[Serious] Should I pay for dinner?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	31
Date	April 3, 2014 1:50 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/222fcr/serious_should_i_pay_for_dinner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/serious-should-i-pay-for-dinner.1368533 https://theredarchive.com/post/1368533

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